My name is Michelle and I’m a domestic violence survivor! I can say that proudly today. I found my voice and hope my story will give others hope that they can find theirs too.
But like any story I guess we go to the begining. I was born in northern New York in a very small country town. My mom was a single mom and she had to work nights so I stayed with my grandmother. So I was nraised by two independent feminists. They let me be myself and choose whatever path I wanted. As soon as I was very little I knew I wanted to be an artist. I was always drawing and Walt Disney was my hero. I got a scholarship to the Art Institute of Pittsburgh and eventually graduated as valedictorian. I was offered a job as an associate professor of art in Erie. I had planned on only living here for 6 months but then I met a man. Yep, thats how most things get screwed up lol. But he was a great guy, we were together for 10 years. I have nothing but good things to say about him but people and what they want sometimes differ. He showed me what a loving relationship was and I’m forever going to care for him. At this time I had been a professor for about 11 years and started my own design company. But I found myself dating in the age of dating apps. Dear god, dating had changed. But through the crazies ( which actually could be a story in of itself) I met a man that I fell very much in love with. Charming, funny, intelligent- I was head over heels. Within 6 months we were engaged. So I had a job I loved, a man I loved, planning a wedding and buying a house. Life was normal. Normal until September 15, 2016. I got home from work and he called and said he was going out with friends and he’d be home a bit later. So I took a nap and awoke to his hands pulling me out of bed and then throwing me up against the wall and damaging my windpipe so I couldn’t scream. What followed was a brutal 3 hours of punching, kicking, stomping, dragging and smothering. I managed to get his phone and call 911. I had no idea how badly hurt I was, my body was starting to go into shock. I remember hearing the police come in and thinking, ” thank God help is here it’s over”. The cop looked at me and asked ” What did you do to make him mad?” At that point my body gave up. I was immediately taken out to the ambulance and the last thing ibwas was him standing and laughing with the cop. He wasn’t arrested or even cuffed. No police were at the hospital to document my injuries- this is where my story falls apart. My official injuries included: dramatic brain injury, concussion, neuropathy, nerve same in my hand ( drawing hand), hip and leg displacement, PTSD, missing and broken front teeth, insomnia, dislocated arm and too many bruises to even photograph. With all that he got a citation for harassment. Which in Pennsylvania is a $300 fine- you get more if you run a stop sign. My doctor said it probably never talk normally, walk, write let alone draw, I’d have memory loss and be in permanent pain. His solution- pills!!! Lots and lots of pills. 5 narcotics and 4 anti- aniexty meds. Due to my injuries I lost my job and my insurance. So no therapists, no counselors, no help. Just pills. Well the pills helped me become numb to this new existence. My brain couldn’t process or handle what had just happened and with no support or help I took what worked. I became addicted very quickly. At this point I was prescribed about 1,000 pills. But as addiction does that isn’t enough. It’s never enough. I started buying drugs on the streets. I was not even living I was just existing. I did not want to live this new reality. He got to walk free and I got to be sentenced to hell. After a year I decided I had enough and attempted suicide. In a twist of fate my mom found me and got me to the hospital. It was the second time I
beat death in a year’s time. I met my guardian angel in that dark time. A woman named Paula who tried to get people into rehab, sat with me for 5 hours. She didn’t tell me I was a failure or that I was a horrible person. She gave me the one thing no one else gave me HOPE. I eventually went into detox and then rehab. I was finally given therapists, counselors , doctors and specialists. I started sharing my story in AA then giving talks around Erie. I have been able to draw and paint again-even having a solo show! I slowly became an advocate and found my voice.
Today I’m 3 years clean and am getting more and more comfortable with the new me and this new life. I’m still in therapy and have a great team of people around me. I wouldn’t be here without them. They have been my biggest cheerleaders and supports. I started a group on Facebook group called Reclaiming your Voice which is an amazing group of people. Last year I organized “Wear it Wednesday”- where companies and people wore purple in support of domestic violence. It was amazing. Companies had purple cupcakes, purple crepes, survivor cookies, sales on purple items in their shops and I even had a coffee drink named after me. So this year I wanted to do something for the upcoming 4 year anniversary and domestic violence month. I found myself angry this year if I’m honest. I don’t know if it was Covid or what lol. But one day I read an article about what women can do to prevent domestic violence. It pissed me off and I said to my therapist ” they should say ‘ hey men don’t hot women'” and out of that came the #manup idea. It started with a petition to get men to sign – that says that they wouldn’t raise their hands on a woman and if they saw domestic violence to report it. Simple, right? Then get guys to hold signs that say #Manup. I wanted to show surviors that they had men who supported them. The petition got 100 signatures in the first 24 hours. To date we are at about 350. It even made the front page of the newspaper. My picture with the words ” Man Up”. It means there is hope that their is a shift in people’s perception to domestic violence. I’m dedicated to changing the stigma and how police and doctors deal with domestic violence surviors. I am also a Certified Recovery Specialist. So I get to work with my 2 favorite people addicts and surviors. These are the people society overlooks but they are the ones that are going to change the world. My message is hopefully HOPE and everyone is worth saving. These two epidemics do not discrimate. They are in every earning bracket, city or suburb, every race and gender. Raise your voice- this affects all of us.
To support my efforts please join my group on Facebook: Reclaiming Your Voice and sign the petition: https://www.change.org/ReclaimingYourVoice-ManUp
