9 months ago I started planning my escape.
He was perfect when I met him after my first divorce. I had two boys, 3 and 10 months. He swept right in. My boys loved him, I loved him. Within 8 months he asked us to move in and be a family. Within 13 months he gave me the ring of my dreams. Within 18 months we were married.
I spent my wedding night on the bathroom floor crying wondering what I had done. My friend didn’t come through the receiving line at the wedding. I must have told her something bad about him.
It was a few months later he had me raped for the first time. He was a swinger he said. I owed this to him because I was such a slut before I met him. He recorded it. He used it as blackmail for the next 7 years.
He destroyed everything from my past. Yearbooks, pictures, my boys baby books. He tracked my car, my phone, controlled my social media. Created fake dating accounts using my pictures to talk to other men. Caught him talking to transvestites on adult friend finder.
He wanted a baby. That would fix everything. I got pregnant. We have a beautiful daughter, the daughter I always wanted. I was so depressed during my pregnancy. He wouldn’t touch me. Once I got an accidental voice note text of him talking to another woman. It was his ex wife he said, he got a check sent to him that was for her in the mail. I found out later, that his definitely not crazy, never cheated, ex wife never went near him. I found out later that he was deep into cocaine, was having orgies when he was working third shift, and numerous other things.
He made me try cocaine. I did. He would make me do it when he surprised me with the man he let rape me. If I did this he would love me, if I did this he would stop. He never stopped. He began to get physical. He mentally tortured me. I had no one. He held a gun to my head. Spit in my face. Threatened to kill me in front of my children.
11 months ago he forced me into the back of his car and let his drug dealer sexually assault me. I screamed, I cried. The next day I was going to kill myself. I begged him to take me to a hospital. He laughed at me.
I went to work the next day and told my manager everything. Work got me a therapist. Allowed me to see her during work hours so he wouldn’t know. My boss had an attorney meet with me in the cafeteria. I told my best friend, I exploded. She told me she would help me. The lawyer made me realize I could get out.
Next step was telling my parents. Everything. He fooled so many people. My police officer father cried with anger. I began planning, I picked a day. The day after Labor Day 2022.
All weekend I packed secret suitcases under the stairs. I called the father of my boys a month before and told him everything. I was never allowed to coparent with him, even that was controlled. He was supportive. Him and his wife have been a huge part in me getting out.
Instead of going to work I went to the lawyer. I signed paperwork and was to go home and get my bags and my dog and go to the courthouse to file for divorce and a restraining order. But he knew, somehow he knew.
He showed up and began to pull suitcases out of my car. I called 911. He had guns. They came and got me out safely. He screamed why are you doing this. I got in that car and I drove. Spent a week at my moms with my daughter and my boys with their dad. That was 7 months ago.
He started with supervised visits, got unsupervised, and supervised again. He passed every drug test in family court. But got arrested for DUI and felony possession of cocaine. He still has rights to my daughter. He says horrible things about me to her. She’s 7 and she knows what he is already. I wish I could say family court is fair. But it’s not.
I tried to press criminal charges. They confiscated his phone which was wiped clean. He still tries to mess with my life, creating fake Facebook pages and bashing people I care about. Using WhatsApp to harass me and anyone I’m involved with.
A week ago I moved out of the house of hell and into a beautiful home with my children. We are happy, we are thriving. I have my friends and family back. I can wear makeup, listen to any music I like, watch any tv show I like, and go where I want.
It’s possible. I stayed 9 horrible years. I remain no contact except through a court monitored app and only speak about our daughter.
I guess I just wanted to tell my story and maybe give some hope. I have a lot of healing to do. I suffer from anxiety, depression, ptsd. There is so much more that happened that I haven’t said. But if I can give one of you hope. Life after a narcissist is beautiful.
