My Story- Caitlin

It always starts small, little things that you almost don’t notice. Mine started with my friends, him figuring out which of my friends was the most supportive and slowly cutting them out, using stories I had told about them and twisting them into something I should hate them for. Then it was my family, why would I want to be around them when they have done so much to me. He convinced me that he was the only one that actually cared. Then came the sexual abuse. He told me it was my job to please him, and if I didn’t want to or wasn’t in the mood then I must hate him. He would scream at me in front of my kids about how I don’t have sex with him enough, which traumatized them. Then it took a turn for the worse; “you’re not allowed to tell me no”. He would wait for me to sleep and shove his hands down my pants or rip off my clothes and force himself on me. I wasn’t allowed to cry, so I would plaster a fake smile on my face and hope it would be quick. It never was. Sometimes I would have to endure the assault for hours. He also forced me to tell everyone we were married, and made me go to work full time despite me being disabled. I couldn’t understand why until the day I finally left. He called me at work and accidentally admitted to beating our kids. I immediately called the police who let him walk over to my work and scream at me in the middle of my crowded work place about calling the police. They left me there alone after getting my statement, I had to go rescue my kids by myself. I left my car running and parked it in front of the house and scooped up my one year old that was now covered in bruises, and my 6 year old that had a ligature mark around her neck that the police ignored. He grabbed me so hard I had handprints on me, tried to trip me while I was holding my infant. Blocked me from getting into my car, even grabbing the door berating me and screaming at me to the point where neighbors came out to see what was going on. He tried grabbing me again and dragging me out of the car. I threw the car into drive and slammed on the gas which threw him onto the street. I hurried and shut the door and locked the car while my kids were screaming in fear, he started beating on the car and screaming at us. I sped off and hid at my friends house and then my parents house. I filed for an emergency protection order for myself and my kids which was granted. I wish that was the end. After moving and trading in my car so he couldn’t find me, I thought we would be safe. Over the next year at night I would feel like someone was watching me and swore I would hear footsteps. I brushed it off as paranoia, as I always locked my doors at night. Then I had my boyfriend stay the night while my kids had a sleep over at my parents house. The next morning he woke me up asking if he heard the footsteps too, and my blood turned to ice as I genuinely thought it was in my head. He walked around my house and found out that you could push my back door in, reach in and unlatch the chain despite it being locked. Nothing was ever taken, so this wasn’t just someone breaking in. I am convinced it was him since we lived in the same town, and nothing was ever taken. We heard him trying to get in again one more time and then it never happened again. He threatened me through mutual friends and tried to get custody unsuccessfully. I’m lucky to have gotten myself and the girls out when we did, as narcissistic and abusive as he was.