I met my ex, we’ll call her Lee, on Tinder in December 2021. She lived in northern England, and I lived on a small island in the mediteranian. We connected immediately, spoke all day everyday. I can honestly say that she was the most beautiful woman i had ever seen. Piercing green eyes, short blonde hair, tattooed and the most beautiful bone structure. She told me all about her traumatic past of sexual and physical abuse at the hands of her father and his friends. I was able to sympathize with her, as I had also been abused.
I was still living with my ex partner at the time, but we were not together. Instantly, Lee began questioning why I was still living there, telling me it was odd and that she thought we were still sleeping together, so I made the decision to move out, to make Lee happier and more comfortable.
Everything was amazing, we never fought, we spoke every waking secondI decided to book a flight out to Manchester to see her. She picked me up from the airport and we had amazing 5 days. She bought me a “collar” necklace, which at the time I thought was very sweet.
I flew back and decided to visit again at the end of the month. This time was different…..
Once I landed, I was met with a different version of her. She was cold and distant. Commenting on how short my dress was instead of welcoming me back.
It just felt different but I was so elated by her, that I did absolutely everything I could to win her over.
Fast forward to April 9th, we got ready to go out with her mother and sister. I remember purchasing a sheer dress, planning to wear it with black shorts and a bralette, she refused and said no. So I wore jeans and a sheer top instead….This should have raised alarm bells, but I felt she was being protective of what was “hers” One drink turned into 5, turned into the girls suggesting we go to a club. The mother said no, and returned home. I agreed.
Once we got to the club, she was an entirely different person. Aggressive, dismissive, drunk and high on cocaine.
I remember getting upset about girls dancing on her and getting too close, so I told her I didnt appreciate it. She grabbed a handful of my hair, yanking my head backwards and told me that she was sick of me. That we’re finished and she would only “put up with me” while I was visiting, then she’d get rid of me when I left. I remember being embarressed and sat silently with her friends.
Then I remember her sister sitting with me, taking photos and dancing….. and Lee was…. gone?
I found out months later it was because she was having sex with another girl in the bathroom, 10 feet away from me.
We left the club at 6am, went home and as soon as we got upstairs, she began screaming at me that I was embarrassing. I backed up against the wall as she walked towards me, and then she slapped me, hard, across the face. I was in shock, so I simply got undressed and said we would talk when we woke up, Crawling into bed, she ran over and wrapped her hands around my throat, pressing down and shouting….. as she got off me, I tried to crawl back into bed, I felt her yank my foot, pulling me out of her bed. I then walked into the living room and curled up on the sofa, unaware of what to do next.
She followed me, choked me again and ripped the collar necklace off my neck, calling me all manner of names.
Shortly after I went to pack my bags to leave, and she broke down crying. Saying she was sorry and she never wants to hurt me.
I, an idiot, forgave her and tried everything to win her over again.
Fast forward a few days, We were drinking beer and wine with her neighbour, having a great time, shooting bottles and cans in the garden with a BB gun.
We then decided to go to the bar around the corner. My glass was never empty. Then I said I didnt want to drink more, and wanted to make myself sick to feel better.
I remember her coming to check on me, bringing me a shot of Jack Daniels, which she agreed that i shouldnt drink, before throwing it down the drain.
We walked home and I sat on the sofa.
What happened next was a blur. It happened so fast but I remember asking her to take my hoodie off, then I remember she hit me, and asked me if i was going to cry. I said no, and she hit me again…..when I refused to cry, she grabbed my throat and squeezed, then hit me again, and again, and again.
I remember putting my arms up and out to push her away…. I remember her screaming “Get your fat Fxcking arms off me” before she hit me again.
I remember feeling the sensation of my nose breaking once, twice and a third time. then I remember the warm wet sensation of blood gushing down my face, the taste of metal and the look of sheer panic on her face when she saw me.
I began screaming, as she told me to “Shut the Fxck up” before taking me to the bathroom in an attempt to clean me up…. switching between “you’re fine, I’ll take care of you” to “Shut up, you’re being dramatic” I pushed past her and grabbed my things before running into the road, trying to find help from someone. I remember her laughing as I ran out.
Running to her mothers house, I was let in, and told to calm down as I explained what happened. Lee followed me, screaming that is wasnt true. Her mother refused to help me, so I ran again, to find a bar that was still open, but closing. They locked the doors and called the police.
She was made to bring all my items to the hospital, with a police escort, who sat her across from me.
CT scans, broken bone confirmation and alot of talking later, I was collected by her ex girlfriend, Amelia, Who explained that I was not the first person this happened to…. that She would help me and we would fight this together. We spent the next 48 hours, talking to the police, CSI and having photographs taken. I spent 2 weeks at her house, being looked after by her, her partner and her mother.
Two weeks later, i went back to Lee, even missing my flight home to spend more time with her. When I did eventually return home, she left me, as promised, but messed with my head for months on end. This game ended with me attempting suicide in my mothers spare bedroom.
Court never happened, and she was not charged. Despite a total of 9 ex partners of Lee’s coming forward with statments.
I decided to go no contact for months on end. It’s now been exactly one year, and it haunts me everyday. every car I see which looks like hers, every spray of perfume which smells like hers, makes me crumble into a sobbing mess.
Healing is a journey. It has ups and downs. Im still on mine but we can get there.
