| My story began in September 2015, I was 22 years old. I met & started dating and fell in love with a man who treated me like a princess. I fell fast and hard, and although I had never lived outside of my parents/grandparents homes, within four months of this relationship starting, he had gotten us an apartment and since I was in Nursing school at the time (only working part time), he told me he would pay the bills, but it would be our home. I was excited to be out on my own and thought this man was the one, I didn’t hesitate to move in. Following him separating me from my support system, and making excuses why my friends were not good enough for me to continue hanging out with, he soon had me isolated from just about everyone and everything, aside from when I had classes. After the isolation, which at the time I didn’t realize that’s what it was, he soon started pointing out things about my appearance and the way I dressed and anything that could bring me down. I discovered he was in contact with other females, which he always managed to convince me it was innocent. And I believed every word, I wanted it to be true. And then came the outright physical abuse, it started out slowly and with apologies and him stating he had “never been like this, but he just loved me so much it made him act this way”. He ALWAYS managed to convince me that it was something I said or did that caused the mental, verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. And it’s like I became someone else. I look back and understand it, it was all about control and he was a narcissist by definition! But during the FIVE YEARS I stayed in thid toxic relationship, I did not understand or grasp what was really happening. And I never told a soul, until I made the decision after five years to get out! By this point, we actually had bought a double wide together HOWEVER it was on my fathers land handed down to me and the home was in my name along with all the bills, so I had to find a way to get him out of the home bc he refused to leave. And I knew he would kill me if I tried to have him evicted while I was still in his reach, he had began to collect guns by this time. I had to secretly put a plan in place for me and my dog to escape with the bare minimum while he was out of the house for just a few minutes one day, bc I had filed the paperwork for eviction and the cops were serving him in the next two days, so I told absolutely no one except for my father about the abuse at the end and about my plans so he would know I was safe and where I was. Because that man was so manipulative that after I put my plan into place and he got served and couldn’t find me, he convinced MY BROTHER, (my younger brothers are the closest and most important people in my whole life) that I was lying and having him just randomly kicked out, and had my own brother helping him look for me and believing him for Atleast two years following this event! He couldn’t have me and lost control of everything related to me , so he tried to take the most important thing in my life , my brother , and he succeeded for a while. But I escaped after five years of abuse that almost killed me, damaged my home I still live in, and changed who I was as a person. He’s now been out of my life for over three years, and in this past year I have finally found myself again! Through all that I did graduate nursing school and have been a Licensed Practical Nurse for 7+ years. And after a long while getting back to myself, I have a healthy loving man in my life who is a God sent. But ladies and men as well, don’t believe this could never happen to you! Because it could happen to anyone. And calling the police just for them to get out the next day is almost worse than just enduring it rather than risking being hurt worse. And I wasn’t his first victim, I have since gotten to know his ex before me – they dated for ten years and she endured more abuse than I did, which is unimaginable and that’s only due to my father living so close to us, he was afraid I would tell. Whereas she had no one. But neither of us ever called the police – no record, no arrests, he chose us bc he knew our hearts and what kind of people we were. She escaped the same way, while he was at work- she packed her car & traveled from our state of SC to NY where she had family!! ***please, if you take nothing from this except this part – please, if you truly are ready to get out , DO NOT let them know, don’t act differently, don’t let them suspect anything is any different. Whether you are married, dating, have kids, Pets, my advice is the same!! Make a plan IN SECRET, and I mean don’t tell a soul, because I promise you they’re manipulative behavior can affect even those that love and care for you bc they dont understand the situation and can’t understand it. So tell no one, plan in silence, dont go ANYWHERE they know of or have every been or would guess , pack a bag, your pets/kids when the plan is ready to put into action, and leave when they’re not around. -If you have nowhere to go, try saving money and hiding it & travel to a shelter out of the area! |
The Journey of a Domestic Violence Survivor: Healing and Resilience
By Survivor The life of a Survivor of Domestic ViolenceThe repair of the abuse is never repaired because the damage is too unrepairable, mental or physical abuse stays with the survivor for life.Future relationships will be affected by the triggers of the survivor and the relationship will usually suffer, to...
