I am 31 years old I am a mother to a 13 year old boy from a previous relationship who doesn’t live with me anymore because of the circumstances I was facing I was with a man that I love so much for 4 years and about a year and a half into what I started to notice some changes and within 2 years of being together the abuse started he was mentally breaking down it seemed very slow but very fast at the same time hearing things seeing things he was convinced that the government was after him he was convinced that everybody around him was out to get him the abuse was severe but I was tough so I thought I could take it I’ve had ripped earlobes black eyes broken blood vessels my tooth knocked out after Mother’s Day the side of my face was fractured bruising slapping kicking my head being pushed into nails in the walls constantly being strangled or having my neck or head moved about in such a way that I will have problems with my neck for the rest of my life The Rance he would go on the blaming everybody else for his problems he was an obvious narcissist but called me a narcissist and an abuser everyday but I still continue to love him and thought that God would not let this end is bad as it did I figured he loved me too much to cross all of the lines that he did he’s held knives up to me he’s throwing me to the ground harder than a man would have been he is hurt my cats threatened to kill them because they knew how much they meant to me I mean and it just goes on and on and on and I would go to work everyday in excruciating pain mentally and physically the night that he was arrested my electric was supposed to be shut off the next day I was begging him to stay with me begging like I never have begged anybody before cuz I just wanted him with me I needed his support and instead I got strangled and thrown to the ground so hard I thought I was going to be paralyzed and as I’m laying on the ground trying to breathe he just stood over me yelling when I tried to ask for a drink but I couldn’t speak because of how hard I was strangled he mocked me for asking him for a drink but I couldn’t get the words out and then he just left me there that was the only time I actually thought I was going to die and when he actually left me that’s when I knew I had to call the police this was at 2:30 in the morning I was so desperate to pretend that my life wasn’t going to be forever changed like it inevitably was going to be so I laid down I didn’t care if I had a concussion or not I just laid down and went to sleep and the minute I opened my eyes in the morning I knew my life was changed forever called the police got a PFA as I was getting the PFA I was notified that he was in jail and he’s been in jail ever since his bond is $250,000 which I never expected but I still question why why couldn’t you have loved me why wasn’t I enough why do I still love him and why do I still think about him constantly I have been dependent on everybody my entire life this is the first time I’ve been on my own and I’m so lonely and I miss everything about him the smell of him the side of his voice at the beginning of this I thought maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut because even if he was abusing me he would still be here but it was just so stressful being around him was horrific he thought he was an Earth Angel and that God was talking to him but God wouldn’t tell somebody to hurt other people the way that he did I’m told every day how strong I am for now I’m just going to have to believe everybody until I know for sure and I pray to God I get there someday hopefully sooner than later this could happen to anybody anybody especially somebody that is so desperate to love and be loved.
