My story – Sara S

I was blessed with an amazing single mother who raised 3 kids on her own, she had her share of struggles and challenges battled abuse from me father. I was 15 yrs. old in an abusive relationship, pregnant at 16 yrs old hiding and making up excuses for the abuse, I was a child with a newborn child and wanted nothing more then to be a family. I wanted to give her a father, what I never had. As I got older I had another child and found myself in the same abusive situation. A young mother of two, I had no confidence in myself. All I had known is what I was told, I was told I was worthless, I would never be anything without them. Finally my abuse got so bad I had to step back from my children and asked my mother to raise them, and that was one of the hardest things I have ever done. As life when on I found myself another year lost not having my children with me. I knew nothing of what a healthy relationship looked like, all I knew what hurt and pain. Every relationship I’ve been in, I have had a man strike me and make me feel less then, tell me I was worthless, made me feel like I was unlovable. 6 yrs ago I met someone that swept me off my feet, but it didn’t last long. Before you knew I dropped out of college quit my job and started isolating myself from friends and family. I thought the abuse of my younger years was bad, this abuse was like no other. This abuse I lost myself mentally emotionally and spiritually, I became a stranger to myself. I tried to walk away countless time, and in countless different ways. I never got very far, before you knew he was back saying I love you and I’m sorry. I believed him because I have always only wanted someone to love me the same way I loved them. Needless to say this man did not love me he abused me in ways I would not wish upon anyone. There are many different kinds of abuse, physical, mental, emotional sexual abuse I’ve experienced it all. This man broke me down and I lost myself. Mental torture is the only way I could describe it. I’m blessed one day I started to walk away I started to heal and I had set back moment of weakness. What sickens me the most is I missed his abusive love, all the names he called me I thought that was who I was. Worthless good for nothing B****, is who I had been since I was 15yrs old. Healing from the abuse was literally one day at a time, and after some time I started to reconnect with my children becoming more involved in their lives. Thought things in my life were different, thought I had over come abusive relationships. Then Abuse stuck yet again, but this time it wasn’t at me it was towards my 15 yr daughter. By her father, the same man who hurt me. I’ve had my share of deep heartache and pain, but the pain I felt when I found out this man put his hand on my baby girl had by far been the worst pain I have ever experienced. I’m a strong believe that it’s a fathers job to show and set the example of how a man is supposed to treat you, with love and kindness. That the only time a man should put his hands towards you is to pull you closer and hold you in his arms, to open your door, or to pick you up and carry you, or hold your hand as he walks beside you. Never should a man’s hand be used to hurt you or hit you or make you feel like your worthless. As a mother knowing my daughter was experiencing the same pain I had is when that worthless girl I was lead to believe I was found her voice. For the first time I my life I wasn’t afraid to speak up not only for myself but for my daughter. Any type of violence is never acceptable in my eyes. I support this fundraiser for Break The Silence Against Domestic Violence, because there are so many people in the world silently suffering. Who have been mentally and emotionally abused beaten down to think they will never be anything more then the abuse they have endured.
No one should ever feel ashamed of their story, let it motivate you and empower you to put a stop to the abuse. Stand up, find your Voice, Make a Change, Make a Difference