My experience domestic began in 1982 when I decided to move out of my parents home desiring to be independent and self sufficient. I didnt want to controlled anymore, I wanted to live my life the way I saw fit..
I moved in with a friend not realizing she had another roommate at the time. This is where I met my soon to be husband, when I first met him I noticed he was a nice looking quiet young man, he was always laughing and joking just nice to hang out with and laugh and talk. Not realizing We inwardly he was a “Monster ” we soon began dating and I was really enjoying being around him.
I was saved at the time but he was not, I began telling everyone including my pastor at that time that I was beginning to fall in love with this young man, in which my Pastor warned me that God was showing him that if i married this man i was going to go through he’ll like never before. Needless to say, I walked away from God and chose this man over my salvation! I walked away from my pastor and told him “You don’t understand, I love him and I’m pregnant with his child”. I wasn’t concerned at that time by the difference in our ages which was a 5 year age gap,I was older than him.
Now, this is what I tell ladies now, make sure before you get into any relationship check out the red flags, because when I got into this relationship, I went in with blinders on, I ignored all the warnings from my Pastor, family members and especially God! Why? Because I was “In Love”.
After about a year of dating and giving birth to my first child, we got married and the honeymoon phase of our relationship lasted 3 months. The beatings began to take place because I was according to him, disobedient and wasn’t complying to his demands. I was never allowed to drive his cars, have access to the keys to our home, my children and I would literally have crawl through a window to have access to our home.
I would have to ask permission to see family members which was always guarded by him.
Any meals that was fixed by me was either not good at all or not properly cooked the way he wanted, so he would either throw the food at me or I would get beat for not doing it right. Many times he would tell me I was a bad mother because according to him I didn’t know how to dress my children or do their hairs and he said that he would find another woman to take care of my kids. I was afraid to leave because he kept with him a loaded 357 hand gun at all times and would threatened to use it..
Many times he would eat the best meals outside of the home and my children and I would be home eating what was available in the house which at times were either top Raman or oatmeal for many months.
I was physically abused, emotionally abused, and psychologically abused by him, this lasted approximately 10 years until I made a decision that if I stayed here, either I would end up dying or tragically I would end up killing him. What finally caused me to leave was him walking into our home after being over another woman’s house ( which he cheated on me all throughout our marriage) and stood over my bed while I was sleeping and made the statement “I ought to kill you right now “. He had a police baton in his hands ready to beat me with it. I laid in bed and began praying for God’s protection over me, I told the Lord ” if you get me out of this, I promise you I will never come back.” Once I said this prayer, he turned around and left. I got up the next day with my children and the clothes on my back, leaving everything behind and got my own place with no furniture or anything in there, we slept on the floor for months, but there was peace in the home and we were happy, I never looked back.
This is my testimony of what God can and will do. I tell everyone there are sometimes red flags that we miss in others, because we want the fairy tale marriage, before getting involved with anyone do your research , check the red flags because they are there. My ex husband had a history that I never saw, he came from a family of domestic abusers all of who had violent tempers, all who had wives who were abused and who were threatened as I was that they would kill them or their families if they ever left or told anyone what was happening in their homes so they chose to stay.
But I thank God that he allowed me to get out before it was too late and I would end up a statistic. I tell everyone what God did for me, he’s not a respect of person’s, he can do the same for you! You don’t have to live the life of a victim, but you can now live the life as I do a “Overcomer ”
1 Peter 5:7 “Casting All Your Cares Upon Him, For He Cares For You ”
Blessing
Pastor Valerie M Lee
