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My Survivor Story

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June 13th 2020 

This will be the hardest thing I have ever done, however not saying anything
is putting my life and health in danger and I can’t in any good conscious
remain silent. I fear getting this out there and fear for the life of loved
ones and friends and family as I have been warned should I ever cross him the
consequences would be severe, fatal and never proven. This will be very vulgar,
graphic and unsettling for some, but hopefully eye-opening as well. I believe
now that evil does exist and is put into our lives every day. I still want the
best for him and to get help, but he refuses, others have seen the patterns too
and I know I am not the only one, he tries to fool, but by saying nothing we
are all condoning these actions. How long do we accept it and let it consume us
before we act on it? For me, that time has to be now. Over the last 2 years my
relationship with Joe has changed drastically he is truly an evil soul with
nothing but hateful emotion and contempt toward all he knows. Everyone in his
own words has done something to bring him down and they will all suffer his
wraith in due time. I was warned by many people he was a criminal, manipulator,
a cocaine addict, alcoholic, pot smoker, an asshole, stalking creepy jerk, and an
abuse vengeful person, but I did not see it, and when I did, I was trapped.

Escape, according to him, was futile. I was not his girlfriend, but a temporary
contract, subject to changes of it during anytime according to him. I had
better get used to it because I am in his words the best, I can ever hope to
have interested in me, I needed to conform, honor and obey his commands. I
should feel lucky that he even gives me any attention and that he can rid me of
my existence in the snap of a finger. At least once a week he threatened to
void the contract if I continued to be a disobedient bitch. What started off as
great relationship and experience has become a nightmare. He has become someone
I loved to one I loathe. Something I swore I would not ever let happen to me
again, but I have been duped again, mind controlled and abused emotionally,
verbally and physically to the point I want to return the abuse, but I know
nothing I could do would ever make a difference. It wasn’t always this way, but
I am realizing that this pattern is just the way an alcoholic cocaine drug
freak controlling egotistical person works their magic. First, he gains trust
through compliments and trying to be a gentleman, then once I was fooled, the
cycle began. He has no morals or manners or respect for anyone, he is above us
all. He is a sick perverted sexual sadist and shares personal and intimate
details with whomever listens, and he continues even when you ask him to stop.
He began by subjecting me to every single past sexual act he did, proud to
shove his conquers down my throat in order to remind me that I was easily
replaceable. I even said I did not wish to hear about his past girlfriends or
fuck friends as he called them. Well, he said tough, I was going to hear it. Every
time we would go anywhere, I would have to hear the explicit sexual rantings of
each woman he saw, ogled, blatantly flirted with and asked for their numbers
just to put me in my place. All the while saying they would be better than me. From
his bosses’ children to young teenagers walking by, co-workers and even his own
nieces, cousins and friends, my family and friends, there was nothing I was not
subjected to by a so called 50-year-old man, more like sick sexual predator.
How they all turned him on, what he would do with them sexually was downright
revolting to hear. To listen to such filth and depravity was repulsive, again I
asked him to stop but he would not. Claiming they all wanted his cock and were
parading around their pussies and tits for him became so disgusting that he
took joy in constantly repeating them just because he knew they provoked a
reaction from me. Every female to him is a whore that just wants to experience
the Joe May cock, his own words. No age limit matters, they are all sexual
desires to him, his sick perverted fantasies are stomach turning, and he
actually believes all females from 4-80 want him, he can have them, and I
should be lucky. Then came personal attacks on me both mental and physically.
Who really likes being called ugly fat lard ass, fat ass, slob, or hearing I
wish you were such and such? You will just lay there and take it; I am raping
you. He got off on the pain while claiming it was my fantasy. Being slapped and
punched all over and choked while his anger grew had me shaking in fear, yet I
did nothing, thus condoning it in his mind. He insists on being called MASTER
and tells me I am the slave and I better know my role. If I resisted, he only
was rougher and more violent, then the biting started. My breasts bore the
scars, my face the bruises, they were love bites according to him. He also
subjects his poor dog to bites, kicks, hard wrestles and slaps her as a way to
toughen her up and show her who is king, I interject and try and take the abuse
instead, wow what a man. He sprained my hand while I was trying to defend myself
from one of his cocaine induced violent rages. Again, it was to toughen me up.
Hit me with a cane and his fists numerous times while high saying I must learn
to obey. Shot me with a BB gun in the chest breaking the skin and said my fat
tits could take it, again in another cocaine rage, but said he doesn’t have a
problem with alcohol or drugs. He has no real friends or work relations because
he cannot get along with people, but it is ALWAYS their fault, he does nothing
wrong in his mind. He has in his own words said he is untouchable, no one will
fuck with Joe May, his boss allegedly built him his own shop and fears him as
do his co-workers and his so-called friends. He claims if they don’t obey his
commands, they will regret it. He needs to instill that fear and thrives on it.
He doesn’t work for his boss; he gives him the privilege of his services. I
even balked at him and said it is his bosses shop not his, to which he replied
this is MY shop and no one fucks with me at my own shop, he won’t get rid of me
because I am better than everyone else he has working for him, I run the show
he pays for my health insurance because he knows I am the king and I make the
rules. I have told him I have no fear of him, he gets mad, and threatens to
throw me out, cancel our contract, hurt my family or friends until I give him
that fear he craves. He is a racist to all colors of people including his own,
he says he doesn’t have friends of color they are his slaves and only serve as
means to his drug habit. I have many friends and family from all colors, and I
don’t like the name calling, but he says he is better than everyone else, and
only can wish that they were on Joe Mays level. He degrades people all the time
for no reason, if only to try and feel he is superior to others. Even his
family is not spared, they have never done anything but be kind to me, and yet
he bad mouths every one of them about everything they do, post, say, feel or
believe out of some warped sense of jealousy. I know better and feel sorry that
they get subjected to his blatant remarks for no apparent reason other than
maybe he knows they are better than him and he can’t stand the idea that the
world really does not revolve around him. His friends are not really his
friends, he says he doesn’t have friends, they are just a means to get what he
wants, as they too are all as he puts it strokes, dumbasses, stupid jabronies
that he allows to be under his control. He just uses them to get his desired
results and are inferior to him. His own reality is a fantasy world of WWE
catch phrases and actions, movie quotes that he lives by as if they are all
about his life. You must obey him and do immediately what he says without
question, however, he can do as he pleases and that is okay. He makes me post
how grateful and honored I should feel about him, and I comply as he says it is
a test and will know if I defy his wishes. I will pay if I do not give in. He
tests my trust by trying to set me up at things to see how I react or answer, I
know better and say what he wants to hear.

The fact that he says everyone is below him and even the cops won’t “fuck with him” has become a daily threat, call them he dares me, saying with this bullshit bail reform he will be
out and delivering Joe May Justice to all who cross him. They can’t protect me
and will not oppose him. He claims to have had a hand in the death of my
brother, he actually died from complications to cancer, however Joe says he had
to die for what he did to my father and I and justice has been served and that
was all I needed to know. I doubt he did anything, it was just another tactic
to make me fear him even more and keep me on edge should I ever disobey him.
The nail in the coffin to my realization that no matter how much I prayed and
hoped things would change came Sunday while at his place. I had been feeling
terrible since the cat bit me a few days before, but I went over for dinner and
date night. Most of the night he wasn’t around as usual because for some reason
he likes to have me there while he takes off and ignores me instead. I kept
falling asleep and felt ill and out of it all day. 9 o’clock or so I just
wanted to go home and go to sleep, but he said I needed to take him to store
because he was out of booze. He said I told him he still had plenty of shots, told
him and I wasn’t feeling well and just wanted to go home. He didn’t like that,
said are you going to let me drive drunk? He said I told him that would be his
choice if he did, not mine. I do not even remember the conversation really and
left, went home and text him I made it. Apparently, I was having an allergic
reaction to meds and broke out in hives and went to ER next morning with fever
and confusion. This apparently did not excuse my behavior in his mind and said
I fucked things up by not obeying him, it was my fault he had to drive drunk,
and I was now paying the consequences for it. Yet everyday he begins drinking
and smoking pot at work early in the morning is high and wasted by the
afternoon before he leaves and drives himself home. No one said he HAD to go
and drive he choose that on his own, but again nothing is ever his fault. He
believes he is punishing me and teaching me a lesson and I will come back to
him being more subservient than I was. I will be begging for his forgiveness. Yes,
I still did the apologizing to smooth things over, but he said I was on
suspension until further notice, said to go back to my trailer trash life and
think things over. Trailer trash, really, he has lived in quite a few himself
and so do many people we know, but we are all just trash?

But yet he claims he cares about me and my health. I have no idea why I have let myself be subjected to this again and have sat idly by allowing myself to be controlled and abused
for so long. Most likely plain stupidity. I deserve it I am told and need to
shape up fast. Yet again I am the only one whose behavior has to change. I
don’t think I really have done anything so that I deserve this treatment, but I
must be according to the holier than thou highness Joe. I have never given him
the satisfaction of crying, tears just do not come easy for me, and I truly
think that this is something that infuriates him to no end. I endure all the
abuse and pain but have not shed a tear. He tries to preach the gospel and
verses and bible quotes, however they only pertain to me and others who do
wrong and sin, but he does not have to abide by the rules or guidelines, as he
is above them and we are there to serve his purposes. He constantly claims he
can bring anyone to their knees and begging for mercy, why? What is so
important as being thought of feared and as a Bad Ass? Why does he feel he
needs to instill fear in others? There is no respect, yet he feels everyone
should cater to his whim, honor and obey him. He says he was abused as a child,
and he claims now it is time to teach others that he is in charge now and it
his way and no other. Know thy role and follow my rules or face my judgment.
Isn’t that the sign of a weak shallow sorry excuse for an individual instead of
a man? Why do I fear this sad sack of crap so much? He has everyone fooled, but
I do think some others may actually be on to his act. My father adores him, and
I have so much guilt inside not being able to tell him the truth. I am in all
respects an enabler. No matter my reasoning and thoughts to try and get him to
understand the type of abusive person he is, he turns it on me and makes me
believe I am the one who has the problem, not him. Do others see it too and are
also afraid to confront or poke the bear? Tonight, I caught him cheating on me
and having a date with someone else. Drives a Captiva. I had been suspecting
for some time he has been, but he lied and convinced me I was imagining it.
Drove by as they were embracing, should have had the balls to confront him, but
of course I did not. He has me convinced saying something will not achieve
anything, who is going to believe a fat ass ugly broad claiming to be abused, you’re
lucky to get any attention he says. I believe him, he has all the power, pulls
the strings and no one is going to question or defy him.

 

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