By Mikayla Shave
Winter breaks are often seen as a time for families to reconnect, create lasting memories, and enjoy well-deserved time off from work or school. For most, it’s a time filled with joy, relaxation, and family traditions. But for parents who have experienced domestic violence or are co-parenting with an abusive ex, the holiday season can be fraught with stress and anxiety. The idea of spending quality time with the other parent can quickly turn daunting, and what should be a peaceful break may feel like preparing for battle.
At BTSADV, we understand the unique challenges that survivors of domestic violence face, especially during the winter holidays. Here are some strategies for reducing stress, minimizing conflict, and creating a positive environment for your children during winter break visitations.
1. Plan to Minimize Stress
One of the most effective ways to reduce holiday stress is through planning. The more prepared you are, the more likely it is that your winter break will go smoothly. This includes organizing visitation schedules, booking flights (if necessary), and packing your children’s bags well in advance.
If your family used to enjoy traditions like cutting down a Christmas tree, it’s important to adapt. While you may not be able to continue this tradition in the same way, you can create new memories—like decorating a faux tree with your children. Flexibility is key during the holidays, especially when domestic violence has been a part of your history.
2. Be Flexible With Your Schedule
While having a set schedule can help avoid conflicts, it’s important to remember that winter weather or unexpected circumstances may disrupt travel plans. Abusers often exploit these disruptions as a power play, using visitation exchanges to manipulate or destabilize the situation.
By remaining flexible, you are protecting your peace while showing your children that you can handle unexpected challenges with calm and grace. This is empowering—for both you and your children. When you show them that you can “go with the flow” even in tough situations, you model resilience, adaptability, and strength.
3. Use Effective Communication Strategies
Clear communication is essential when managing visitations during winter breaks. If you’ve been using the grey-rock method to limit emotional responses, continue to do so. This technique involves keeping communication brief, neutral, and factual—helping you to avoid emotional entanglements with your abuser.
If you haven’t used grey-rocking in the past, this may be the perfect time to start. Utilizing parenting apps or email calendars can help keep things organized and minimize direct contact with the other parent. For example, using a shared Google calendar with visitation details can ensure both parents are on the same page—without the need for constant reminders (which, we know, can sometimes feel like walking on eggshells when dealing with an abuser).
4. Prioritize Quality Time With Your Children
The holidays are a time to create special moments with your children. Despite the challenges you may face, try to prioritize quality time with them. It’s easy to get caught up in the chaos of holiday preparations and visitation logistics, but remember, this time is precious. Focus on the present moment and make the most of the time you have together.
This holiday season, permit yourself to experience peace and tranquility. You deserve to enjoy these moments with your children—without the constant stress and trauma caused by your abuser. As you embrace these fleeting moments of joy, remember that you are teaching your children how to persevere through difficult times.
5. Stay Empowered and Present
Navigating co-parenting after domestic violence is never easy, but every day you show up for your children is an act of strength. While an abuser may have once wielded power over you, the time you spend with your children after separation is your opportunity to reclaim control over your own life.
You’ve survived, and now, you are building a new life—one in which you have the power to shape your own state of mind, protect your peace, and ensure that your children grow up in a stable, loving environment. This is an empowering journey, and your resilience will inspire your children to remain persistent and hopeful, no matter their challenges.
At BTSADV, we believe that while the road ahead may be difficult, there is hope and ways to make each day better. We are here to support you in creating a life of safety, peace, and healing for you and your family.
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