New Relationship Anxiety

“I knew I was ready to get into a relationship again when I took some time to myself for a while. My mom was abusive growing up. She put stuff in my head to make me doubt the guys when I was thinking I was ready. It really held me back as well. I can’t go through my abusive relationship again. I was anxious and scared. What if my mom was right about the doubt she put in my head? What if the next guy is going to cheat on me or abuse me like my ex?”

“My current boyfriend asked me to get together, but I told him not yet. I wanted to sit down and talk to him about everything that happened and ease into this. I needed to be friends first. I was nervous because I was with him in high school, but I didn’t know him anymore. We were different people now. I had some trust in him and was able to tell him everything. I didn’t hold back anything, and he listened and supported me. But it took me a few months to sit down and tell him. I had to deal with all of it in my head first then we got together. He was so kind, loving, and caring, but we had little arguments at the beginning. If he stood up to hug me, I would twitch. He then would stop what he was doing, and we would sit down and talk about it. We communicated and were able to get through it.”

“I have anxiety about getting engaged. My abusive ex purposed to me, and we were never married, just engaged for years. I don’t trust that the next person will want to marry me, and it gives me anxiety. I have a promise ring now from my boyfriend, because I still have my old ring and I’m struggling to let go of it. I am working on myself to not be attached to it anymore. I have it because I felt like I was being engaged for nothing. I was controlled in our relationship and marriage never happened. He abused our animals and still has 2 of them. That is one of the reasons I have the ring still. I have gotten rid of everything from him, but that ring is the last thing that he gave me that still attaches me to my animals. I know I will be able to get rid of it soon and give myself to my new boyfriend completely.”

“How do I deserve such a nice guy for the 2nd time? I don’t feel good enough for him. He told me how much he loves me and how happy I make him. I didn’t believe it at first. We connect so well on every level. I still always have anxiety and doubt. I know I’m not worthless, but why do I keep asking him why he wants to be with me? My ex made me feel worthless and not a priority. My boyfriend now makes me a priority. He supports me in time for my self-care from my family abuse to my ex-abuse. I even have anxiety about being a mother in fear of being like my mother. Every day I am working on myself!”
“Some advice I could give to people getting into a new relationship is the advice my dad gave me. Be friends before anything else. Take time for yourself and internalize yourself and know what your self-worth is. Learn about yourself. Also writing in a journal helps me. Anytime something bothers me, I can write all anger and anxiety in it as well. It helps so much. Being friends first helps with communication and trust first. Learn about each other before just jumping into a relationship. Get to really know that person. The right guy will respect you wanting to be friends before anything else. Find what their goals are, and boundaries are. See if it aligns with what you want.”

“You are worthy. No matter if you were hurt physically, sexually, emotionally, or psychologically you need to take time to focus on you. It may take days to heal or the rest of your life. The fear and crippling anxiety to open up to someone again can make us just want to run. The strength just to be willing to start a new relationship is ineffable! You are worthy of love and being cared for. Be proud of yourself and love who you are now no matter the outcome.”