Post-separation abuse can be defined as ongoing and willful patterns of intimidation from
someone’s former intimate partner, including legal abuse, financial abuse, and threats of
endangerment to any children involved. While separation from an abusive partner can often be
thought of as the solution, the risk for lethality indicates an escalation in these behaviors
following the separation.
Post-separation abuse takes place because the abuser feels they are entitled to continue the
maltreatment. They’re typically highly motivated to carry on the abuse through the court system
and their interpersonal relationships regardless of the survivor’s successful escape. The abuser’s
ego cannot reasonably understand that they are no longer in control of the survivor’s life, and this
is unbearable for the abuser. Post-separation abuse leaves victims, unfortunately, open to legal
abuse, economic abuse, and very serious potential for child abuse.
Legal abuse refers to using the legal system to perpetuate the abuse. It can include filing
for custody in court and custody stalking, which includes the use of custody battles to overturn
the historical patterns of care for the children. Legal abuse typically includes litigation tactics
trying to shift blame onto the survivors and reduce their credibility. Economic abuse refers to
exerting control over the survivor’s financial resources and usually includes withholding access
to basic resources such as technology and transportation. Abusers may also display a
combination of threats, intimidation, and endangerment to the children. Child abuse can be
displayed as threats of harm, refusal to return them to the parent, and medical neglect. Those
forms of abuse can be combined with ‘counter parenting’ when the abuser is intentionally
working against the co-parent to undermine their parenting practices (Project).
Social isolation is yet another common tactic used by abusers, which means the deprivation from
the victim’s social support system. Cutting survivors off from their friends and family allows the
abuser to manipulate the victim. It may make the victim feel as if they have nowhere to turn but
to the abuser. Spreading rumors about the victim’s mental health is one common form of social
isolation (Project).
Most of the international research on post-separation abuse has been focused on male
perpetration of abuse towards the mothers of their children. A 2010 intimate partner violence
(IPV) report based on the National Crime Victimization Survey in the U.S. identified rates of
IPV 30 times higher for separated women and 9 times higher for divorced women (Spearman et
al.). Mothers experiencing IPV face barriers to safety post-separation because they are still
required to negotiate co-parenting arrangements along with family court. When Rebecca
Zimmerman discussed her divorce from an abusive intimate partner; she noted that when she
initially filed for divorce, the abuse became significantly worse. Her ex-husband would break
household items, throw furniture around, and keep Zimmerman up nearly all night, coercing her
into dropping the divorce. Zimmerman had two young children involved and expected the
Colorado court system would establish her as the sole custodial parent. She’d had prior events of
abuse well documented, and while the judge said, “Yes, she has a ton of evidence. Yes, I believe
he’s been surveilling her.”, the judge issued an order for 50/50 custody. Zimmerman noted,
“Judges will tend to believe an abuser because they’re very polished, they seem confident. So, it
seems like they’re telling the truth”. Leah Recor had a similar experience with Colorado courts
after filing for a divorce from her husband in 2014. There’s trauma when survivors go through
understanding that they’re leaving the unhealthy relationship and being brave enough to do so
. Still, she also noted the secondary trauma that survivors endure of not being believed. Recor’s
family underwent two evaluations from court personnel. However, the first evaluator didn’t seem
to understand the dynamics of abuse. Now, both women are pushing for more reforms in
Colorado laws to better protect domestic violence survivors and their children (Lopez).
Post-separation in child custody courts typically use final orders to provide pathways out of
managed contact so that it can gradually become unmanaged, overnight contact. In a study
published by SagePub, their findings found an apparent dissonance between what the law demands
and what is being accomplished in courts. It’s now clear that decades of evidence showing the
need for a culture change has not resulted in such a change taking place among local-level
courts tasked with the vast majority of family law litigation. The level of abuse that parents,
usually, mothers are expected to tolerate during and after the separation so that their ex-partner
retains direct and unsupervised contact with his children presents a basic legitimacy problem for
laws as they fail to do what they say they will do—which is to ensure safe contact for all
concerned (Walsh).
There is a dire need to establish more awareness at the community level about post-separation
abuse and the tactics used by abusers—including weaponizing their family and professional
relationships in a hectic effort to continue holding control over the life of the survivor.
Sources
Lopez, Meghan. “Colorado Lawmakers Consider Two Bills to Offer More Help for Domestic
Violence Victims in Family Court.” Denver 7 Colorado News (KMGH), 16 Feb. 2023,
www.denver7.com/news/politics/colorado-lawmakers-consider-two-bills-to-offer-more-
help-for-domestic-violence-victims-in-family-court. Accessed 14 Apr. 2024.
Project, The Jugnu. “Post-Separation Abuse.” Medium, 7 Feb. 2024,
medium.com/@thejugnuproject/post-separation-abuse-ba4ebcec0722. Accessed 15 Apr.
2024.
Spearman, Kathryn J., et al. “Post‐Separation Abuse: A Concept Analysis.” Journal of
Advanced Nursing, vol. 79, no. 4, 27 May 2022, https://doi.org/10.1111/jan.15310.
Walsh, Kieran. “The Failure to Recognize Continuing Harm: Post-Separation Domestic Abuse in
Child Contact Cases.” Violence against Women, 1 Apr. 2024,
https://doi.org/10.1177/10778012241243049.
