Silent Suffering: My Journey Through Abuse and Isolation

Every year I start with a brand new class. I always wonder what they have experienced
before they walked into my classroom. Some have been hurt emotionally, some physically, and
some have never experienced domestic violence in their lives. It’s such a mixed bag, but one of
the jobs of a teacher is to support their students and make them feel loved every time they
come to school. Below, I have compiled some ways to emotionally support children who have
experienced domestic violence in the past based on my personal experiences with students.
Do everything possible to attend their adoption ceremony if invited. If a child asks you to go
to such an intimate, immensely important moment in their lives, be there for them. I took the day
off to attend an adoption ceremony for one of my students. It was one of the most
beautiful moments I have ever witnessed. To see a child finally find parents that they know will
never abuse them and love them unconditionally is life-changing.
Call them by their preferred name. Use their newly adopted last name if they ask you to, even if
their last name has not legally changed. Sometimes, their old last name can be
associated with trauma. Give children the same respect you would want.
Model how to self-regulate emotions. If a child has experienced domestic violence, likely, they have not had many emotionally stable adults in their lives to show them how to
regulate their emotions. One of the common signs that a student has experienced trauma is
aggression. Responding to difficult behaviors in a calm, loving way. Can be difficult at the
moment, but watching how you handle hard days can show them how to get through them, too.
Take deep breaths with them, avoid raising your voice, take them aside to a quieter part of the
classroom while you speak to them, crouch down to their level if they are little, and offer a hug if you
feel it is appropriate. They will feel your love and compassion, even if it’s hard to see the
immediate effects.
Try to attend their extracurricular events. If they are on a sports team or are in the school
play, you can show you care by coming alone or bringing your family along, too. If you’re the only
person there to cheer them on, then at least they have someone. You.
Tell them what they are doing well. If all a child has ever heard from adults is how they are
failing, it will take a tragic emotional toll on them. “You are a division wizard!” or “You have lovely
handwriting!” can go a long way in building back their self-esteem after experiencing domestic
violence.
If you feel it is appropriate, tell your class you love them every day. Some kids don’t hear it
enough, and it will help them feel safe and cared for while they are around you.
Is any of this going to fix all of the damage that’s been done before you came along? No.
It’s not. But it will help them know that there are adults that will support them, regardless of what
happened before.