By Anonymous Survivor
This is the true story of how one brave survivor chose escaping violence and finding freedom over her abuser.
**The following is written by a survivor of domestic violence and abuse. Names have been changed to protect all involved.**
Online Dating Escalates Quickly
I met a guy online, he seemed like the perfect guy for me. He was so understanding and loving, I fell head over heels.
It didn’t take long before I realized he wasn’t what he seemed. Anytime I didn’t do or say what he wanted he would belittle me and bully me. Then before you know it he started to smack me and shove me.
He’d say things like, “See what you made me do!” Always apologizing after and promising he’d not do it again. He would threaten me that if I ever left, he’d find me no matter where I went and he would never let anyone else have me.
“It Wasn’t Anything I Did”
I didn’t have to really do anything wrong, he just could be having a bad day, or his football team lost and my life would be turned upside down.
I recall him climbing on top of me and just kept punching me in my head over and over because his team lost. All he had to do is look at me a certain way and I knew what was gonna happen.
Also, I later found out he was on drugs. He would make me do things I didn’t want to do to support his drug habit. I refused one night and he told me if I didn’t he was gonna beat the hell out of me.
Escaping Violence is No Where in Sight
I ran in the bathroom and locked the door, he said I will get you when you come out. I sat in that bathroom all night begging God to help me get out of this.
The next morning I thought surely he’s asleep by now and I quietly opened the door to peak out. As soon as I did, he grabbed me and just start hitting me all over.
Another time I thought he was being nice he took me to dinner and then told me I’d have to steal something to be sold to make the money back we spent for dinner. I refused and he doubled his fist up and punched me in my nose, blood went every where.
All I could do was just cry and cry it hurt so bad. I was blowing blood clots out of my nose. I didn’t go to the hospital I was to scared.
The next day my nose was triple in size and I had black eyes. I called out of work for like a week. When I did go back I just told them I fell.
“Well, Why Didn’t You Leave?”
I know people always say, “Well, why didn’t you leave?”. It’s something you’ll never understand unless you live it. You’re to scared to leave or tell because of what they will do. I’ve been shoved down in a bathtub and could hardly sit for a couple months.
Drug by my hair, punched in my stomach. It’s truly a nightmare. A real living hell!!
He controlled everything I said or did. I lived like this for ten years. Escaping violence wasn’t something you can just do. Constantly praying and hoping I find a way out.
The Courage and Conviction to Leave
I finally got the courage up to leave one day, I felt so free. Then I moved several towns over and everything was good for months, but I constantly watched over my shoulders. I felt like he was going to find me, I was terrified.
And my fear came true. Because he found me and just moved in like that’s where he belonged and the abuse started all over. I was constantly trying to figure out what to do.
We’ll one day I decided this was the day, I could no longer live like this. I told him I was just going to the store and to my surprise it worked he let me go by myself.
Shelter in the Storm
I went straight to the women’s crisis center and told them everything. She brought a paper to me resembled the food pyramid but it was all kinds of abuse tactics. She said I want you to tell me how many of these he’s done to you.
I sat there reading this and I just broke down I cried my heart out. She said, “What’s wrong?”, and I just said, “All of them”.
And in that moment I knew I was finally free. She helped me get a protective order, and the police removed him from my home.
I haven’t seen him since. Thank God!
Escaping Violence, but Living With the Memories
It’s been like 15 years and still today I live with some of the memories of the abuse.
Not to mention, I’m told I’ve had a broken nose and tailbone. Arthritis has set into my tailbone from the injury. All in all, this means every pain I feel I blame him solely.
It has made me not trust and caused me a lot of problems. It was so traumatic something I guess I’ll always carry with me.
I try to tell my story in hopes to help others. There’s been many that weren’t as lucky as I. I made it out alive. I thank God for this every day.
Check These Resources:
- Understanding Coercive Control
- Online Dating Safety
- Complete Guide to Mindful Meditation, and Emotional Healing.
- The Hidden Impact of Teen Dating Violence
- Find Support with BTSADV
Support Line
Other Resources and Information:
