At 13 I was approached by a 19 year old man online, when I told him I was 13 his reaction was “Wow you’re a little younger than my ex” another child he had also abused at 13.
My world soon changed, coming from a household of abusive and unloving parents I was easy pickings, very flattered to be told “you’re so mature for your age”.
The first time he raped me he stopped mid way and said “I’d never have sex with you, you’re too young” I sat in disbelief and confusion knowing what had just happened to me was sex. For months he used a fake name “D” he used this name to rape other children he also met online.
I tried to leave within the first month of being with him, I remember sending the text from my bus ride home from school to be met with an angry text back saying that “he didn’t appreciate me saying these things and that I had no right to make those choices”. The tone was then set, for the next 17 years I continued to be the child in our relationship, money decisions, life choices were always something I had to “run by him”. I left 5-6 times, each time he made me genuinely believe I was “having a mental health blip” and that he was actually a really loving husband.
When I finally left for the first time he drove to a bridge and said he would kill himself and it would be my fault, I knew this was a final type of abuse so I took our children and left. What happened after was the usual abusers routine, failure to settle finances, him jumping into a relationship with yet another much younger and vulnerable woman, him demanding 50/50 of our children despite his involvement in them when we were together was minimal.
11 court hearings followed, he attempted to bully and intimate me using his mum and dad’s money to pay solicitors and barristers whilst I self represented, I wanted every penny of my future to be used on what mattered to me, our children.
After reporting the rape of myself and many others the police nfa’d the case, I later went on to discover that 99.84 of reported rapes don’t even get to the CPS. In march of this year I was told by the CICA that I was due to be awarded a huge sum of money for the crimes he commited against me (childhood rape over three years). This money isn’t justice, but it is a nod to the fact that my evidence was clear enough for them to recognise exactly what I said was nothing but truth.
For now, I parent, I rebuild and I work on my career of supporting women to never have to deal with the things that I’ve gone through. Through time and therapy I fully understand now how weak abusers are, they work on power and control because they’re so lacking in self worth and confidence themselves. I see my abuser now and feel nothing but pitty for him.
I do believe that it’s a matter of time until another one of his victims comes forward and reports what he also subjected them to (there were many even within my highschool) I can’t imagine living a life where he will know that his days are numbered, and that is his karma.
Victims do rebuild, although they don’t forget they do recover. Abusers can’t, they have to live knowing that their time could be up at any moment with just that knock on the door.
