By Survivor Mary
I am 62 years old my adult son 37. I live happy alone family in ireland, long friendships people warm to me including my company. As my son left home 11 yrs ago i remained single from a large family and a young mum this was first living happy alone. At my age i had boundaries, keeping myself safe, strong independant.
Last year i attended hospital diagnosed breast cancer i attended many scans test operation on my own, i found the experience challenging, yet proud i had the courage. On the day i was to go for results of operation and info in further treatment. The evening before may 13 i headed to walk my aniexty off. A man i knew socially by name called me randomly on way to park. He joined me charmng laughing fun for a 2 hr walk. We swapped nos i slept well that evening.
Remarkable as id had a breast op and radiotherapy sessions, he suggested a date. 11 yrs since i dated yet he 58 made me feel special the aim was for me to distract the 8 months, grateful for such good company.
I spent time in his flat away from lonely shock of breast cancer. I had a procedure for camera with sedatives he insisted on collecting me from hospital, i wore a new dress and make up, for the first time. Away from my flat we chatted, he focused on kissing cuddling, i felt he ignorned my illness i felt attractive. He wouldnt sleep so we stayed up chatting till daylight. Telling me he wanted to watch me sleeping. His love bombing intense i noticed red flags. When i returned to my flat which i never invited him to. Happy with a break looking foward to seeing him again. On numerous occasions he phoned his best friend died, or he fell off a roof and broke his arm, he persusded me to return. The drama crisis for a friend he hadnt seen for 20 ys, falling off the roof or collasping on the street from drink i returned. Foolish yes, as now i was a captured audience told many stories of distress, i felt bonded, he trusted me while crying, empathy kindness love care. He never showed interest in my life. I shockly saw his rage if i wanted to leave. Punching the bedroom door as i wanted to leave. Soon the rages were normal from nowhere in the street if he felt offended. Our sex life had changed he had porn to masterbuate to as we never had penetration sex. He barked instructions on how i needed to help him, while i was ignored. No kisses cuddles. My mum passed away he knew i had financial independance. As he on benefits i glady gave him money to attend a funeral. Treated us to summer lunches. Bought furnishings for his flat. Soon i saw him walking me to bank, he needed new shorts and choose the most expesive pair. He walked into a ray ban shop straight to one specific 400 pair only this pair. No interest in me trying on. Later in bed he opened the ray ban web searching for the glsases in shop. I knew he expected me to order on line. I suggested buying him a gant sweater on line he choose one, i order it then cancelled. July was my birthday my cancer treatnent finished. A card, no flowers, chocolates or celebrating my good news. The insults started late in bed when i was frozen, puzzled as he called me scrawny. Or asked if i ever boke my nose, i lost weight because of cancer. He escaled porn into women being abused by satisfying a man, he was addicted to seeing women pleasuring large penis i was to copy. I had never given this sex before and gagged. He dedicated his needs neglecting me as a prop. Jointly we went to a sex shop i bought a ladies dildo. He may have been there before as he chose a vvv large black dildo. Plastic horrible without consulting me, why he asked me to watch big black cocks on porn and i had said absolutely not, yet he knew entering that shop were to go for a huge black dildo. He was determined to force me to fantasise forcing penetration, watching me suck his penis in my mouth with the plastic huge begging me to book a hotel room, let him watch and participate with a strange black man. I am 62 skinny recovering from cancer, told him i do not fsncy black men or as he said big black cocks. I am irish a catholic prude. Of course i had to book the hotel before christmss he had it all planned. My ladies dildo he tried to encoursge anal sex. Absolutely not so that was never in bed just his dildo. As he forced it i caught 3 urine infections, so he insisted i lick it forcing into my mouth while he fantasied talkng as if it was real. Twice i threw it in bins outside, first time he retrieved it bk to bedroom. The second time i disposed he waited for weeks to say he had taken it out of bin. Thinking he was joking, why when knowing i threw it out twice. Did he care so little, to throw it in the bath, he loved to humilate me waiting for weeks letting me believe the object of his desire saved until i naked in bath. Cruel abuse taunting me to satisfy his needs for a threesome which he intended to video. Porn also involved transexuals turning him on. My i pad history after i left showed 3 hrs of dogs with women, 3 somes with dogs. Mum having sex with her dog etc etc i am still sick with shock. The calls all day and night to check i was in my home, arranging to meet folliwing day i love y etc. Next day nothing no call hungover. He is 58 yrs old. Towards the end rage abuse blaming me as my mum left me money he had noticed no ray bans no hotel room no gifts had he been loving kind grateful my generosity would continue instead if i gave loan to friends son or homeless his critism calling ne dear deirdre. When i realised he had mananged to isolate me, devalue my ilness looks personality my mental health at risk so confused trying to understand his dark nightime sexual deviance, how he felt i would participate be pushed controlled for i could not live with the shame. Used by a strange man he had wanted to share me knowing i did not agree. While i fell asleep he regularly commented he put his penis in my anus. Before i left for good i felt itchy scratched bruised on my vagina. I wonder why .. there were days i slept too long was i drugged. When i left i took my belongings without telling him. He sneared my name to friends stalked me on st screaming threatening my life, genuinely frightened as weeks and no let up. I live alone 62 now getting over cancer my brother survived 2 heart atracks this month, my son is divorced. This man is out of control. So i had to report to police a last resort now he has left the area no contact tg ill learn my role why i tried to love knowing sexual physical mental abuse wish me luck
