Survivor Story: I Used to Make Excuses for My Abusive Ex-Husband’s Behavior

Written by: Annie, Survivor

I accidentally left my son’s sippy cup on top of the car at the gas station, and it flew off as we drove away. My son ended up throwing up shortly afterward, so we stopped at a random McDonald’s to clean everything up. I was still getting yelled at for forgetting to pack an extra drink for our son and for leaving his cup on the top of the car – that’s initially what started everything. As I was giving my son one of his toys to calm down, my husband slammed my arm in the car door because he was furious with me.

“It was so late and only getting later.”

“I forgot to pack an extra drink for our son.”

“My husband worked all day, so he was tired.”

“Our son was screaming bloody murder for a good 15 minutes because we couldn’t find a gas station off the highway and he needed something to drink.”

“I lost his favorite cup because I accidentally left it on top of the car.”

“Our son threw up all over himself and the car because he was allergic to the milk we got him from the gas station (before we found out about all of his allergies.)”

“The high-pitched screaming started again because now our son was covered head to toe in vomit and so was the car and it smelled awful.”

“My husband took the wrong turn getting onto the highway, and then ended up missing an exit.”

“My husband was so, so pissed at me.”

“If only I remembered those two things…”

“It was all my fault.”

I used to give so many excuses for my ex’s behavior, and I used to blame myself for his actions. I can’t tell you how long it took me to realize it wasn’t my fault. It’s so easy to find reasons to blame yourself when you’re constantly told that everything is your fault – even when it’s not at all. No matter how many different frustrating things happened, there was NO excuse for him to purposely cause me physical harm. There is absolutely NO excuse for anyone to act that way towards anyone – period.

I shared the photo above because I felt comfortable sharing it. Hopefully, someone in an abusive relationship who needs to hear that it’s not their fault is out there reading this right now. There is never an excuse for abuse, ever!

I hope that I can save someone’s life by sharing bits and pieces of my story. I am a survivor of domestic violence.

*This story is one from a series of four submitted by the survivor.

**If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, there is help. You can visit the Break the Silence website at www.breakthesilencedv.org, chat with one of our helpline advocates at 855-287-1777, or send a private message through our Facebook page.

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