Written by: BTSADV Survivor
It seemed innocent; it was so real… I really thought it was. I was 11 years old. He was fifteen. I met him on an online game and was having depression and troubles of my own, and he was there for me. He was there when no one else. He was the reason I was online every day.
Every day he and I got closer, became best friends, and I started having feelings for him. I was his friend for three years. When I was fourteen, he dated my best friend and then used me as a rebound. He cheated on me two months after and I forgave him.
See, when you’re a kid you don’t understand. You don’t see these things right in front of you. He was an older role model to me and a child crush. He was the one who talked to me every day, and I put so much trust in him thinking about it now, it makes me sick.
When I was fifteen, he visited me from his state. He hit me, he messed with my head, raped me and left. I always think I didn’t say no loud enough, that I didn’t do something good enough. What if… So many what ifs it makes it feel like your fault and eats you every night. I’m stuck on a tidal wave of medications, a room of doctors, and thoughts consuming me.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Trust me when I tell you this because to this day he still contacts me. He harasses me, and there’s so much he’s done that I can’t form into words. But to this day, people around me love me. To anyone who’s been through this.. you’re strong, and I’m so proud of you.
**If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, there is help. You can visit the Break the Silence website at www.breakthesilencedv.org, chat with one of our helpline advocates at 855-287-1777, or send a private message through our Facebook page.
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