Surviving Domestic Abuse: Overcoming Domestic Violence and Legal Battles

I’ll start by saying that in telling my story, I never thought in a million years that I would be a victim of Domestic violence and its taken a lot of will power and strength to type and still come to the realization that I am a survivor I was 29 when I met my abuser he was 26 We met at a Mutal friends home who was selling plates of food at the time I never got his name that day I remember telling my friend who was with me how nice he seemed and how I had wish I got his name about a week later He sent me a friend request on Facebook and he hit it off we talked about who we were and what we did for a living and at the time both single after talking for about Two days he sent me his number I remember feeling so excited talking to someone new and he didn’t mind that I had 3 kids which was great for me he said he loved kids I moved from an apartment into a home and he helped me move and everything was going great he seemed like the perfect Guy after about 4-6 months of talking we made it official Now when I met him he told me he was homeless which should have been a red flag for me and he would always make remarks about how horrible his family was and how they would use him and it played on my sympathy so much I invited him to stay with me and wanted to help him as much as I could believing he had been through so much and I felt like I could help Not even 6 months after he moved in things started to change I started finding indications that he was cheating people would tell me things and id brush it off and he would say they are lying they are just jealous of what we have I cant which I knew deep down something felt off I’ll never forget the day that he first put his hands on me I finally had enough of the cheating and back and forth and him calling me out of my name when he would be upset and I told him I wanted him to get out I got everything out of my house and he accused me of taking something from him to have a reason to come back to my home when he came back he pushed his way through the door and hit me I flew into my couch and got up immediately looking for my phone to call the police my children where in school this was the first time he had put his hands on me and I took him back I should have knew better than to take him back after that it happened so much I finally started to realize this was good for me and my children I was tired of calling the police and sick of dealing with all of this and his family helping him victimize me I finally put him out and after two week of no contact him driving by my home flashing flash lights in my kids bedroom him trying to kick my door down I found out I was pregnant I didn’t want to tell him I cried so long and hard because I didn’t want to be pregnant for him I’m also a case where I’m high risk every time I get pregnant I remember me telling him this and him calling me a liar saying my baby wasn’t for him I was trying to trap him trap him my abuser the nerve he tried talking me into getting an abortion I refused I told him if he didn’t want a kid sign your rights over an argument happened while I was 4 months pregnant he beat me like I wasn’t pregnant I went and got a restraining order he went to jail and they let him out the same day within 2 hours I still tried to let him be a father let the restraining order drop and after I had my baby he jumped on me again 2 weeks after my C-section and after have had to have a blood transfusion I got another restraining order moved to another city and lived blocking him and his family out I had enough ! I was depressed, on edge, and protective of my babies because I couldn’t trust anyone. Law enforcement didn’t help. Even when you stay on them, they do nothing. He can jump on me and just get away with it I ended up having to move back after a year I found out I had Lupas and needed more help with the kids he made it seem like he was getting himself together things went great for a while a year later he put his hands on me again because I wouldn’t let him talk to my 15-year-old daughter like a man off the street calling her out of her name I got in the middle and called the police before they came he jumped on me and ran off with my two year old no car seat no cloths and just threw her in the car the police did nothing to help me they wouldn’t even try to help me find my baby they told me she would be okay he is her dad my heart broke and I was terrified the next day I went and got another restraining order for my baby and me and got my baby back in an emergency custody order this happened Feb 25 he was never arrested or charged the police officer told me that he didn’t have bruised hands so he couldn’t have hit me and I would have to have bruises and every time I reach out they do nothing as if they don’t care he has violated the restraining order several times since Feb and I have reported everything I have a paper trail going all the way back to 2021 he served me with custody papers in April trying to take my baby and this is what happened On 5/29/2024, I attended a pre-trial custody hearing to confront my abuser in court. Previously, my lawyer consistently prioritized the safety and well-being of my child. However, on this particular day, I was assigned a new lawyer, E.B., whom I had not previously met. Working with someone unfamiliar during such a crucial proceeding was unexpected and disturbing. She approached me, and we started talking about my case. I expressed to her that my biggest worry is him getting unsupervised visits and that I am concerned about my child’s safety. She had gotten pills when she was in his possession, she got a hold of weed, she also left his home and wandered the street because he was next door, got into an altercation with his neighbor, and how I had to call the police on him when I tried to get her back, but he refused. The police told me they couldn’t do anything. It would be a civil matter, and I would need to take him to court. This has happened several times, and he has refused to return her. Also, I told her that he would need to be drug tested because he does drugs, and he is on video stating this. She then left and said she would discuss that with the judge. She came back and told me that my abuser wanted to use his mother or his grandmother as an advocate for him. I then told her no, they have harassed me, and they have also had to call the police on him for violence, and I don’t know anyone willing to do those visits because of how he is and how difficult it is to deal with him. She then stated to me that it didn’t matter and that it wasn’t about me. If they helped him harass me, that had nothing to do with my child, and I needed to find someone, and it had to be his family. After that, she said she would return and talk to the judge. This was the second time she told me this, but I didn’t see her walk back to speak with Judge. My children’s godmother entered the courtroom and sat beside me. I told her what was going on. About 10 minutes later, Mrs. E.B. came back and said that with the supervised visits, they needed someone who would be able to stay from Friday 5 pm to Sunday 5 pm at my abuser’s home. I told her how absurd that was given his history with me and everyone else around him. The only person that I could think of was his father; before this case, his father spoke with S.F. about speaking on my behalf and why he felt his grandchild’s mental health and physical safety would be in jeopardy. I told E.B. this. Then, E. B. got up again and said, “I’ll see what I can do.” At that point, my kids’ godmother started talking, and she said, “Well, I will do the supervised visits if that would help.” I know no one else wants to deal with him, but I’ll help in any way I can. After we finished discussing this, E.B. asked me to step outside. Grandmother and I both stepped out, and I introduced Grandmother to E.B. I informed E.B. that Grandmother was willing to conduct the supervised visits. E.B then mentioned that Grandmother would have to stay at his home to carry out the visits. She also mentioned that I must find another lawyer if this situation goes to trial. The judge wanted us to come up with a plan right away. I expressed my concern, stating that I couldn’t agree to this as it would endanger my child. E.B. said the judge would only grant a 50/50 arrangement, which I found distressing. I discussed the documented evidence I had on him, including instances where his family had to involve the authorities. When E.B. asked if these incidents occurred within the last few months, I clarified that I wasn’t sure about recent actions and that I had a restraining order against him. I also inquired about the reason for the drug test. E.B. explained that they wouldn’t fail him for using marijuana, and if he passed the drug test, I would be responsible for the cost. I stated that I was unconcerned about the cost because I believed his substance use extended beyond marijuana. Which I knew personally firsthand because he had been in the psych ward for drug use several times. He’s on MOJO and pills, and God knows what else. It’s a video of him saying that he will tell the judge he does drugs. I then told her that I just had to report him for violating the restraining order last month, and if he can’t follow that, how can he follow a custody order on a piece of paper? All of his history, and the judge has an issue with what I’m asking for!!?? She then told me she would talk to the judge about my concerns and told me and Grandmother to wait outside. I told her before she went back into that courtroom that if I cannot get what I’m asking for to ensure the safety of my child, then we need to go to trial, and I’ll get another lawyer. She said OKAY. About 8 minutes later, she emerged again and conveyed that the judge had decided not to require supervised visits. She informed me that the judge had ordered my child to start staying with the other parent from Friday, May 31, at 5:00 pm, and we were instructed to meet at the police station. I exclaimed, “What?! E.B., this is outrageous! How can I be expected to hand over my child to someone like that? I want to proceed to trial. I won’t agree to this!” She responded that I could still have the trial, but I must agree on that day because that’s what the judge wants. I expressed dissatisfaction, feeling that the system had let my child down. I questioned the judge’s authority to compel me to agree to something that I believe is not in the best interest of my child. I urged her to step down. I expressed my willingness to face the consequences, even if it meant going to jail or worse, to protect my child from that individual. Emily then told me Well, that’s exactly what will happen if you don’t do what the judge wants and follow his orders and give him your child. Then what will you do after that? he will surely get her! My heart sank to the floor. I repeatedly insisted that something was wrong, but she was adamant that the judge’s decision was non-negotiable. The judge dismissed everything despite my efforts to present evidence and the protective order. Even after showing pictures and the protective order, she said the judge granted unsupervised visitation. When I asked about the scenario if he didn’t bring my baby back, I received no satisfactory response. She seemed calm, so I told her he’d taken her before CPS was called. What are you saying? She said to me oh, CPS has been called? I stated that they had, and she then inquired about the status of the case. I replied that the case was closed after I received a letter confirming its closure. I also emphasized that they had approached me, not him. She dismissed my statement, saying whether the case was open or closed didn’t matter and the judge wouldn’t care either way. I then brought up his mental health and his history of being admitted to Long Leaf and being locked in the Psych ward multiple times. However, I was told that none of his history mattered, as the judge had already reviewed and disregarded it. Nonetheless, I strongly believe that his mental health and previous behavior should have been taken into consideration.
The fact that the judge disregarded this information left me feeling powerless to protect my child. Everything I advocated for to safeguard my baby was dismissed, and E.B. told me that it didn’t matter. My lawyer E.B. differed from the voice I needed in court. Despite my reservations, I agreed to her proposed course of action. She insisted that the judge force me to do this, no matter how I felt about it, even if I requested a trial.
Furthermore, I discovered that on the same day we were in court, another woman, A.L., was obtaining a restraining order against him due to assault. It’s deeply troubling that his lawyer, A.A., who typically represents domestic violence victims, is now representing abusers.
I cannot shake the feeling that there is something unethical about the proceedings and that my child’s safety was not taken into account. I refuse to give up fighting for myself and my baby. My daughter deserves safety and happiness, and I am committed to ensuring her well-being at any cost. Not only have the police failed me, but the courts have as well. He feels he can do anything he wants, and no one can do anything. and now the same girl that he abused is helping him harass me the police do nothing! I want to get my story out and let people know they are not alone!!!