I was 17 when I got my first bloody lip and black eye! My first reaction was to run and not look back but when I turned around they was no one This woman didnt know how to help and I was too ashamed to tell anyone what had happened to me after all we had the picture perfect family profile and I was married to the fool! I was driven back to my home where my kids was I eventually reached out to a male friend but the law showed up and asked me why I left my husband at home with two kids and it looked like I was cheating on him by the police when I was just ashamed and scared of him and didnt want anyone knowing how ashamed I was of letting him hit me and not taking up for myself!! I should have told the police what happened then because what spiraled after that was nonstop hitting pushing busted eyes lips bruises all over the place and when I had bruises everyone thought I was on drugs and I wasnt so see how not speaking up about your situation can lead to a downward spiral of violence and nonstop brain washing by the abuser!! I stayed for 21 years nonstop now everyone when I left would beat a million bucks that I would take him back now looking back it was my moms abuser who abuses my mom herself so why did I ever take this mans advice when I shouldve just told the police the ones that did care!! I would move this man would find me and just bust my windows out and knock my door in to the point to where I started to pay the landlord for damages he caused he would leave in my vehicles and leave them broken down on the side of the road and stay with a female overnight he just used me nonstop for years! I once was going to kill him but what wouldve been the point of that I would be the one in prison while my kids would have no mother ,which would have been the way he wanted he commited so many violent acts the court didnt know how to handle him so they have him down as a lunatic and let him out of prison so he kept coming back and he almost destroyed everything I had so I eventually got to where I just didnt want anything nice so he wouldnt destroy it!! I now in my thirties I had left countless of times the last time he came to my home he slapped me and I mean I am telling you I thought I had no other options but to stay because he had gotten by with everything and it just kept the law on me also which I didnt need either!! I had no other options but to stay at this point because I left and it seemed to me that everyone pointed the finger at me listen a woman is not on drugs because he has a bruise or a busted lip from drinking that is their denial and my stepdad would say if I knew I would have stomped his ass when no he was abusing my mother so no he would not have done anything!! The last time he ever put hands on me was September 3 2015 my life of abuse got so bad my kids did not live with me anymore and I had no friends or family around me it seemed that no one cared or would even listen because they thought I would always take him back in reality I had no one to reach out to and that could not have been further from the truth I just was not letting the ones who cared really know what was going on one night he even wrapped me up in a phone cord trying to hurt me!! SO now it is September 3,2015 and I am all alone with this man the one I thought Loved me the one that had stood by me when no one else would the one that I felt like would protect me and then Bam Bam out of nowhere his fist hit my face out of nowhere I stood up and was going to leave and just run when I stood up he pulled on my arm and put me in a chokehold and pushed me down on the couch and was behind me and I said I cant breath I cant breath please let me up but I started to notice quickly that he was being serious and that this I had to do something to get him off my back I literally fit for my life for almost 10 minutes when i took all my strength and God knows from here how I am still alive! The next three months I was so scared to even look in the mirror because my eyes where blood red and it scared me to even look at my eyes and even go to the hospital so the law came and it took them three days and he still got off with just a slap on the wrist but I am proud to say today he is not even allowed contact with me and thanks to the advocates and the shelter I did not even know was out there to help me I have been out from his hands for almost five years and trying to keep my life together I am just shaking typing this I am still scared of him till this day a dog can hit my door and I will think it is him all over again but I am blessed for the judge here that he can help me and regonize what i was going through but if it was not for the domestic violence people I would probably be dead and listen they will make up lies and sleep with anyone to be able to control the people around you and make it seem that it is all of your fault in reality it is just the way they are and you can not change this men no matter how good of a person you are or how strong of a woman you are!! I live with PtST till this day but I am not coming home to someone who hits on me and I may not have the best of everything which is something he promised me but I am alive to tell you my story and dont let any body make your decisions in life make your own and you will be just fine!! God is the only one who saved my life!! There was no one but my higher power God who got me out of that situation no man or woman could have got me out of his grips so to whomever is in this place right now I cant tell you what exactly to do but i can tell you to talk to someone who actually listens and cares for you and will do the steps that you got to take to get out!! I was telling everyone but he told them that I was on drugs and doing horrible things that everyone around me believed the fool but if just for a second they would have looked and listened carefully they would have seen how and what he really was doing it took only a few strangers I had never met to help me carefully get out!! SO did it do anything telling someone around me NO it did nothing it took telling police and letting them know I was being abused to get out and then God simply took over!! Busted lip broken ribs countless black eyes covered up by sunglasses bruises covered up by makeup when I used to wear makeup after the abuse everyone would say why are you dolled up for well they could see the makeup but not the bruises that how much I was abused! I carry so much weight now i have a teenage daughter I would give my life for and to look at her and think someone would push her or abuse her in anyway lets just say I could not fantam the idea but for my mother she is still in abusive relationship and she will not leave but sometimes you have to look at yourself and know what is best for you not everyone else!! Thank you for letting my share my story and telling it has saved my life! I want to thank GOD most of all and for the love that domestic violence advocates share everywhere!!
