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Survivor Story: My Abuser Drove Drunk with Me in the Car – and I Was Hospitalized

domestic violence awareness month 2022

Written by: BTSADV Survivor

I was with my boyfriend for 18 months. He started off sweet and caring, but one night we both got drunk and got into a fight; he started punching me in the face and pinned me to a wall. He’d always call me names and put me down, and he would sometimes pinch me and bite me.

In July, we were driving to his mom’s house. He drove drunk and went around a turn going 80 mph. We spun out, hit an SUV, and almost went down an embankment. I ended up biting my tongue when the airbag deployed. I also had abdominal bleeding, and I went to the hospital. His mom lived 3 hours away. He was arrested and ended up trying to hitchhike to get back to me, but I got my mom to get me. I could barely move because I had bad whiplash.

He called me all mad because when he got there, I wasn’t there; he told me I was an idiot. Then the next day, he messaged me to apologize, saying he would quit drinking and stop calling me names. So I went back to the apartment. It was okay for a little while, but he started drinking again.

He would get jealous of anyone I talked to and accused me of cheating; even if I was at work, I got accused. I couldn’t even use the bathroom with the door closed, or he would throw a fit. He made me shower when he showered and wouldn’t let me any other time. Eventually, I tried to leave, and he wouldn’t let me. He would block the door and throw the phone so that I couldn’t call anyone. He threatened to kill me if I ever tried to leave him.

Recently I found out I was pregnant, and I got the courage to leave. He ended up getting arrested, and now I’m trying to build myself back up. He tried to call me from jail saying he doesn’t feel whole without me and that he missed me and loved me and couldn’t understand why I left. He still denies ever hitting me and claims he never meant to hurt me. But I know better now. He still tries to contact me

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Break the Cycle

domestic violence awareness month 2022

I’m 22 years old. I was in a relationship with this man since November 2010 and left October 2013. In the coarse of our relationship the first thing he did was jerk me off the couch by my hair and it progressed worst over time.

One day we got into a argument, I don’t even remember what about, but he choked me until I lost consciousness. I woke to him checking my pulse.

Another incident, we were having a party and he beat me in front of everyone. When people tried to intervene he kicked everyone out. I used to have snake bites piercings in my lips; one day he grabbed my mouth so hard that piercing knocked out my front cap. The only thing I felt I had left – my smile – he ruined.

He was very controlling. I received my dream job working as a bartender on Beale St in Memphis. I remember working a bourbon tasting with Jesse James from Jackyl. When I got home that night he was so furious he broke my nose punching me in the face. I had a gun pointed to my head. There has been countless times where I thought I would die.

Finally over this last summer he was in jail, I ran into the man that was my childhood love. When my ex got out and found out, he saw me at the store, jumped in my truck and said he wanted to talk. He took my phone, read my text and saw that I thought I was pregnant. He then punched me in my stomach and bashed my head against my truck, door and that was the last of him I’m so happy now that my life is perfect.

My ex got arrested on felony burglary charges so I won’t be hearing from him and me and my boyfriend just got a place together and I finally know what real love is.

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What Men Need to Know When Dating a Survivor of Domestic Violence

By: Clint Schiller

Dating a Survivor of Domestic Abuse can be frustrating, difficult, irritating, complexing, and confusing; if you try and fix them!

Connection, love

  • PATIENCE – is the first key attribute to have when dating a domestic violence survivor. They are usually not very willing to let you in.
  • UNDERSTANDING – not about what they have been through (this helps) but the kind that you know they have things they are going to need to work through in their own time.
  • RESPECT – Some things that may not seem very big of a deal in a normal relationship may be a huge trigger for them. Don’t disregard it.
  • YOUR MINDSET – Long-term Outlook- They may never fully get over their domestic violence incident.
  • STRONG – Not Physically, but Mentally, Emotionally, and physiologically. You cannot be faint of heart!
  • STABLE – You need to be consistent with your actions, words, behavior, and affection with them.
  • CARING – Sometimes words are not what they need. A Hug, kiss on the cheek, rub on back, holding their hand, wink, or just being nearby is all they need.
  • GOOD LISTENER – Make Eye contact, hold their hand, repeat back what they said. Acknowledge what they may be feeling or thinking.
  • APOLOGETIC – You are going to mess up when dating someone who has been through DV. If you haven’t been through it, you will never truly grasp the entire phenomenon of being a victim of DV!

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