I’m a survivor of domestic violence including sexual assault and rape from my 12 year marriage. I have three amazing little children who I tried to protect for so long. My oldest is a warrior in her own right. She suffers from pediatric migraines but is a competitive gymnast. It started out subtly with coercion, and gas lighting. Within the first two years I had my life threatened with a gun and it turned slowly to physical sexual assault. The psychological and emotional abuse was a constant. Why did I stay and put up with it for 12 years? Crazy right?! Not if he was your first everything and narcissist are amazing at manipulation and scare tactics. I knew something was wrong but part of my brain thought maybe every young couple goes through this. I was called awful names, shoved, hit, bruised on my inner groan for not having sex and met with rage when I tried to work or have a social life. My life was surviving the domestic violence cycle and keeping my littles safe the best I knew how. He came back from deployment scarier then ever! I tried to call out for help slowly and quietly through therapists, repeated calls to the hotline and even to very few family members. The metaphorical fear of what would happen if screamed out to loud for help was so crippling that I didn’t. Until July of last year thankfully I met a good therapist who caught on so quickly and amazing friends. I was so beaten down and traumatized that I didn’t get the courage to leave until right after Christmas 2019. On New Year’s Eve my baby Sister and Mom explained to me from a sexual standpoint what I had endured was not normal. I will never forget that awful night of having a complete break down. I’m still with my same therapist who my daughter sees as well. I took an online course to get my substitute teaching degree and I have great supportive friends. My journey is far from over because now the war is trying to ultimately protect my kids from the man who was really a monster. A custody battle from hell! I finally got up the courage to finally report him three times and push a criminal case. With my local victims advocate I learned what empowerment looks like in a woman and how to be the right kind of example to my children watching! This scary and very hard journey will take courage but every voice should be heard and not silenced ever! I hope to inspire others in the future and share my story with many.
