My story – Jordan B

Hello, I’m Jordan.
When I was still in highschool, I thought I had met the one. I had a long background of being in rough situations, and he had convinced me that he understood what I was going through because he had too. I now know that all of he had told me, were lies.
Six days after my 18th birthday, I found myself in a situation where I had no other place to go. Me and my dog had no other options. It was either move in with him, or be homeless. So I did what I thought was best at the time, and I moved in with him and his family. He had a temper before we had even started dating, but it was mild compared to what I started witnessing when he wasn’t around other people. He was very vocal when he was angry, and was known to break a few things. I was naive and thought he would grow out of that kind of behavior. About a year after I had moved in with him, he had started using his hands to show how angry he was with me, by leaving marks on my body and telling me I shouldn’t have upset him.
It started off with small pushes here and there, a slap every now and then, until one day he pinned me to the bed and beat me until I stopped fighting back.
Throughout the duration of our relationship, he had only had 2 jobs. Both of which I had helped him get. He kept those jobs long enough to get that first paycheck and then came up with some excuse as to why he didn’t want to work there anymore. He solely relied on me to pay for everything he wanted and more.
If I wasn’t home at the time he wanted me to be home, he accused me of cheating on him. It did not matter what my schedule was. He would ruin my things while I was at work and leave me voice-mails telling me that I had made him mad and now I had a mess to clean up when I came home. Every time I tried to record his behavior, my phone would be taken from me and smashed beyond repair. I went through 3 experiences before I stopped trying. He and his mother would hide the landline (house phone) from me so I couldn’t call the police.
One instance I was icing my face after being hit right in front of his parents, his mother looked me in the eyes and told me he never touched me. I was young, and it truly felt like I was alone.
I was isolated from my friends and sisters. I was not allowed to go anywhere without his permission, an exact time I would be there and an exact time I would be home, or he had to be with me during the duration of the event. That included going with me to my sister’s house so he could “supervise”.
When I finally had the courage to leave, I was in a very bad place mentally. My body was shutting down because of my neglected mental health, and I couldn’t handle it anymore. My final decision was influenced by what I had found on his phone.
I had been forced over the 5 year relationship with him, to have s*x when I desperately didn’t want to. Every night. If he went more than one day without it, he would tell anyone who would listen, including his parents, how neglected he was. He would tell them it had been months even though I had just pleaded with him the night before to just let me sleep so I could work the next day.
The day I checked his phone, I had this terrible and awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something was very wrong but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. He was sitting next to me on the bed, scrolling through his phone when I happened to look over at him at the perfect time. My heart sank as I saw the nude photos. I asked him, trying not to accuse because I knew how he’d react if my voice sounded off, “Who is that?” He grinned and happily showed me one. There was a distinct scar in it, but I hadn’t figured it out yet.
“It’s you!” He said, sounding very pleased with himself. I had no idea what he was talking about. I never sent him any photos like that, nor would I ever. He had always complained how I was getting chubby and it made me feel very bad about myself, so why would I send him nude photos?
That night while he was asleep, I snuck and got ahold of the phone and looked through those photos. Each time I passed another, my stomach felt like it was doing backflips. I was asleep in each photo. He had taken them while I was sleeping and each one my clothes had been removed from the lower part of my body. There were thousands of photos and just as many videos. I clicked on one video, and found him touching me and assaulting me while I was unconscious. He had access to his mother’s sleeping medication and I fully believe he was drugging me to make sure I couldn’t stop him from doing what he did. Not a single video or photo showed that I had been awake or had woken up during the assaults.
I had chronic UTI’s for 3 years at that point. And the night I left, I never had one again. He tried to convince me to lay down and go to sleep with him that night. He told me it was just my meds making me crazy, and we would talk to the doctor about taking me off them for good. I was just crazy and needed some sleep. But I didn’t feel crazy. I felt like the cement I was stuck in, loosened enough for me to break free. I put my headphones on to drown out his crocodile tears and kept packing. I made him help me pack. I told him I needed to leave to get better or I was going to leave the world for good. He tried so hard to get me to listen to his lies. He pulled my headphones off multiple times and promised he would find a job, he promised he would never hurt me again. He promised all of these things he had been telling me for all of those years, and he promised he would finally go through with it if I stayed. I didn’t listen.
I left. I was finally free. I moved in with my best friend and brought my pets with me.
For months he harassed me. He messaged everyone that knew me, begging for my location, begging to speak to me and nobody would give him what he wanted. So he hacked my Facebook. He unblocked himself and sent himself a friend request. He sent his dad one also. I didn’t know until I got the notification that he had accepted the request. He started emailing me from his mother’s account and told me he was going to kill someone if I didn’t go back to him. He told me he would kill himself. He tried to bribe me with promises of doing better. He told me nobody would ever love me like he did. He told me he treated me like an angel, a queen, and to stop falling for whatever lies people were telling me about him.
I was granted an EPO, and then granted a DVO. He expressed his feelings about not being able to own a firearm to the judge the day the DVO was granted.
It’s been 3 years now and I’m finally healing from the trauma. He still makes new profiles to try to stalk me. He still attempts contact. But my courage saved me and continues to do so. Because I am free, and I will never allow anyone to hurt me ever again. He took my innocence from me, and pushed me down so far I never thought I would ever come up again. But look at me now. I’m in the healthiest relationship I never thought possible. My health is being treated. My mental health has gotten so much better. And I have the love and support of my closest friends and family to keep me going.
#BreakTheSilenceAgainstDomesticViolence