He was charming, reserved and intelligent. I thought I found a good one. We were in the same math class in college and began working together. Shortly after he decided to join the Army. I had seen flashes of anger in him but excused it for his horrible childhood. We got married at the courthouse 4 days before he left for basic. During basic his possessiveness and anger problems began showing more. We were separated physically and he couldn’t stand not being in control. At the time I thought he just cared so much and wanted what was best for us. We relocated to Fort Polk in July of 2009. Things swiftly changed. He began causing problems with my friends and family to isolate me. But he made it seem like us against the world. He used my religious beliefs against me. That the devil was trying to tear us apart. He would get drunk, cheat, man handle me, wrestle me and keep me from leaving. He broke too many phones to count. He would break my things, punch holes in the doors, lock me in our townhouse on Maple Terrace and threaten me. Then he would become someone else again. Buy me flowers, take me shopping, promise a better future together and tell me he loves me. We found out we were expecting and he asked if I was going to keep it. Then after I told him absolutely he tried to deny it was his child. He always tried to make me out to be the “crazy” one and would remind me that the Army would believe him over me. April 17th, 2010 he beat my head into pavement and the back rim of our Altima while trying to also choke me out because I was screaming. I was 17 weeks pregnant. Two men stopped and save my life that day. He blamed it on the alcohol and drugs saying he couldn’t remember. He convienced me that I had to come back to Fort Polk if I wanted to retrieve any of my stuff. He received a 1700 dollar fine, 1 yr unsupervised probate and counseling because I was unable to attend court to testify as I was bedbound. He was Army and deploying so he got some relief on sentencing. He convienced me that I HAD to attend marital counseling with him or I couldn’t step foot on the post. That things would be different, think about the baby and the difficult life I would have as a single mom. After all, he was doing this for “us”. I went back. Things got worse. I was pulling my drunk husband out of the barracks. I put together the babys room alone. He found out we were having a girl and asked the tech to check again. He continued to cheat, party and abuse me and substances. He deployed. I gave birth alone 700 plus miles away from my home state. He continued to be possessive. If I didn’t answer the phone he would call til I did and swnd random people by the townhouse to “check on me”. He would make FB posts saying he hadn’t heard from me, he was worried and could someone go by our home. I got 144 missed calls in 2 days. I hit my breaking point when he came back and continued to abuse me in front of our daughter. He landed himself in an intreatment facility for substance abuse after being so intoxicated that he called the cops on himself saying that he was going to get our daughter taken away from us. While there I told him I was absolutely done. He said he would call DCS on me if I tried to leave. He also said several times through our relationship that if I left he “would find me and kill me”. He meant that. He called DCS, they came out. I showed them all the police reports and let them see the baby. She told me good luck and to leave quickly before he got out of the facility. 5 family neighbors help me pack us up and we left at midnight.I filed for divorce the next day. He got out a week later. He began harassing my family and I. Tried to have people come by my mothers. He send 33 emails begging me to come back with everything from threats to I love yous. I never responded. He called my phone and my mothers non stop. He said he would get me put in jail for kidnapping. He had our vehicles voluntarily repossed so I wouldn’t have transportation for the baby. He tried to bribe me to come back. I ended up with an OP because he continued to stalk me, harass and threaten me. In March 2013 he was shot by his roommate off post. He almost died. Instead he came back mean as ever. He tells everyone he was shot for his country and he served overseas to this day. (New Llano, LA is where it happened). He destroyed the neighbors new car because she was friends with me. He also destroyed a Graco carseat worth 400 at the time with bleach thinking it was hers but it was her friends. He was never charged. They cited they didn’t have enough evidence. I ended uo with sole physical legal custody of our child and permanent OP. My atty also had me do an estate packet as she didn’t think I was “going to live to see the divorce completed” in the event he killed me. Everytime we had court he had to be removed from the parking lot by police. After the divorce he continued to stalk me. He called various police departments trying to figure out which one I worked for. He told one Captain he was going to have me put in jail for contempt. Needless to say he was found in contempt and his case dropped. His atty quit on him before our divorce was completed because of his harassing behaviors. He found vicitm #2. He got kicked out of the Army under other than honorable which if no further convictions for one year became an honorable. He was so abusive to his new victims child, the child was removed and father awarded custody. It took me 3 years to help her escape with their 3 boys in April 2020. He to this day sends emails talking to himself. His 2nd victim was awarded full custody of their boys as well and she is also in a protective program. He has tried to kill himself, beats his mother, beat his 2nd victim, fought police, pulled knives on people and frauds people. He usually ends up in observation and cops site it as mental issues. I ended up with PTSD, secondary PTSD, depression and anxiety. His 2nd victim has those same diagnosis and his oldest son who was 5 at the time was diagnosed with PTSD from living with him. He is still out there being a monster and no one will stop him bc he’s a wounded veteran. I take solace in the fact that I face my challenges from that period in my life head on and don’t let it define me. My daughter and I are domestic violence survivors.
I KNEW that it was a matter of time before he killed me. So I made the decision to at least die trying to get out. My life may not be normal but I am here, thriving and living proof you CAN be successful after domestic violence.
Please don’t waste another day thinking that person will change. Every day you stay, is a chance thet person can kill you. Speak up, speak out, get help. Leave.
