I should have stayed because the last 7 years of post separation abuse has been horrific to put it lightly. Because of him my 2 heart dogs were killed, he has used a slew of people to attack me because he makes up lies to turn people to hate me, including my sons school. He has had women abuse me by proxy who he has dated. When ever I start to look better after suffering from his abuse, he attacks again in ways to make me upset so that I go into a deep depression. He always plans his attacks on certain holidays to make the impact on me worse. Every attack gets worse and worse. He’s attacked me on Mother’s Day, our sons birthday, fathers day (the first one after my dad’s death) and my 40th birthday. Also right before a vacation I was taking our son on because of his jealous rage. He’s gotten into my accounts and deleted his emails and all text messages so I wouldn’t have proof for court, then he tried to take me to court right after that when my father died. When I rushed to get a lawyer he threatened my life in ways that I can’t prove. He’s also threatened verbally in the past but even with recordings the police did nothing because they said he didn’t say the weapon he would use. He has guns that weren’t registered, and once that was found out, he said he got rid of them, which is a lie. He had sent me a picture of a dead squirrel that he shot in his backyard laying on a shovel. He slashed my tire on our sons last day of baseball, the day before I was having a big birthday party for him. On Father’s day, after my father passed, he had my car stolen, after that on my 40th Birthday he had my car keys stolen from the pub I went to that night, after finding out from our son where I was going. Low and behold, he knows the owner to the bar, and when I called the police, the footage was deleted from the cameras. 7 minutes were deleted. It was a set up. He turned our son against a doctor I was bringing him to for help so our son would get ragefull when I would bring him. She was a ped psychiatrist. Then he used that to turn the school against me by saying the doctor made our son cry. But it was him causing our son to be upset. He has turned our son against me. Everytime my son is with me, he yells at me, does things to hurt me, to cause me to flinch (ex. pretending he’s going to slam the car door on me when I’m going in the car, or that he’s going to throw something in my face etc.) Or he will put his leg up when I’m walking to trip me. (This behavior is similar to what my ex would do when we were together. He would drive his big deasel truck in a way to make people fearful. He hated muslims and Jewish people, so he would drive fast like he was going to hit into them and laugh when he would see the fear in their face) He will degrade me the entire time he’s with me calling me a dumb, stupid person, or fuck you you bitch etc. This is unprovoked. He comes home and walks in the door like this. Constant degradation and trying to make me flinch to the point my anxiety is so bad that I no longer want to be around my own child. He will refer to me as woman instead of mom and say it hateful. His ex’s have stalked and harassed me. I’ve had windows smashed by the one using a sling shot. She poisoned my emotional support dog that my mom got me and my mom whom was my best friend died of cancer. She poisoned my dog on my mom’s death day and he died throwing up blood in my arms while I was driving to the vet. I ended up in the hospital. Her ex husband said she killed his cat and has stalked many people. She still to this day gets into my accounts. Causing my post traumatic syndrome to go wild. His other ex, the newer one is similiar. She still goes online to put me down and cause trouble, so she picks him, even though he left her when she found out last year she had breast cancer and had to have her breasts removed. He actually tried to come back to me at the time and she noticed that , became super nice to me, we talked and I opened up to her, thinking that she realized what she was doing to me was wrong and seeing through my ex when he left her, she also devaulged a lot of info that made me sick to my stomach about him. Next day when my ex found out she was talking to me, he wooed her back by fixing her car and being the really nice guy again. And then she turned on me…and so the cycle continues. He has also had contractors mess around with my house costing me thousands. My ex is a contractor and he watches my every move on social media, and when I would ask around for a contractor on fb groups, he would see that and contact the contractor to tell them how bad I am so they, too, want to mess with me. I’m out thousands. His sociopath personality causes people to do anything for him. He’s so full of rage, but acts like the calmest, level-headed person around people. There’s so much more…
I’m constantly living in fear. My health is deteriorating from stress alone. I had beautiful hair and now I have bald spots and extreme thinning. Just waiting for the next attack is debilitating. Other people in my life suffer because of my anguish. I can’t have normal relationships with people because of the trauma and my mental health is suffering because of it. He’s even caused irrevocable famage between my oldest son and my relationship. He will never forgive me for what i put him through when i was in that relationship, and he cant understand how bad things still are. It’s changed me so badly. I could go to court but I know there are certain triggers that WILL make him end me. One is if I were to move on and be happy. I could never date and haven’t because I know of the repercussions. Another trigger would be to go to court. So all I can do is let him control every move I make. But I can’t anymore. I’m Christian but I’m loosing. The stress is too much. We have a new law in Canada that a doctor can help people go peacefully if they have an illness or mental problems that won’t get better. Mentally it’s been too much to handle and I’m wondering if this is my only option. I don’t see another way out at this point. I can’t even go watch my son play baseball. He knows how much I would miss that so he took even that from me. Baseball runs in our genes on my side. My dad almost made the major leagues if itvwasnt for an injury. He didn’t even want our son to do any sports, but I signed him up and he was so good, because my oldest taught him, so then my ex took over when he saw how impressed the coach was to get the glory from everyone. He would have 2 of his bully friends come to games to harass me so I wouldn’t want to go, his girlfriend, and then slit my tire at baseball. I stopped going after I was harassed because I was fearful that he would do something else, but my lawyer told me I should go and not let that stop me from seeing my son. So then at the end of the season last year I started to go and that’s when my front, driver side tire was slit. I wondered why he was overly nice at the end of that game. I even had to postpone my dad’s funeral because of the stress from my ex. It caused an infection through my face from overwhelm. People say you can do it but they don’t really know the agony of what I’m going through. There’s so much more that he’s done. I have nothing left to give anymore…and I’m tired. Mentally I don’t even think I could endure court, as I have a hard time to even focus and conversate properly. My brain doesn’t work the same. I would probably be looked at as Mentally ill on the stand, but not the extreme trauma that caused it.
This guy has had a hold on me since high-school. He had me beat up by a girl he was dating after my mom had me break off the relationship with him because she saw warning signs, and I was only 14 and he was 17. He watched her beat me up from his car with his window down. He then drove the girl to my house to do the job on me again, after my mom pulled me out from school.
I feel there is nothing to live for anymore.
If you actually read all of this I’m sorry for such a long response, but thank you for listening and taking the time.
