I’m breaking my silence. My ex and I knew each other for around 9 to 10 years before I realized what had been done to me and blocked her on everything. We met at the anime club of the same college. Before she came out as trans, she and I were dating for at least one month. During those years, she coerced me into sexual acts, attempted to groom me into bestiality and sexually assaulted me. The first time she told me she was a zoophile, she locked me in her bedroom with her and asked me if I liked furry porn. She proceeded to show me several Pokémon NSFW pieces until she pulled up a bestiality video and started playing it. We were alone. Her mom was gone. She was staring at me with a serious look on her face after she started the video. I lied and said that it was hot, so she’d let me leave the room. She said, “See? The dog likes it.” Later that day, we were talking outside, and I tried to make it clear I didn’t like that kind of content. She looked at me sadly and said that I thought she was a sick f*ck. She then stared at me sadly while I looked away. After a while she asked me if I thought that way about her and I lied. I said no. This was not the first time she used my kindness against me. She had made it clear when I was speaking to her that she wasn’t afraid to threaten or doxx someone to keep her secret. I just wanted to be a good partner/friend.
While we were dating, she asked me to jerk her off in public at a park at night. We were sitting on a bench on a hill with people below us. I repeatedly said no because I was afraid of getting in trouble. Not getting the answer she wanted, she stared at me sadly until I complied. She then touched me in return, and I uncomfortably allowed it. She said that I liked it too. I did not. I tried to tell a friend about what happened and she immediately PMed (private messaged) me telling me to the friend that I misremembered what happened. She gaslit me into getting her out of trouble by asking me if what happened really happened the way I remembered and walking through a narrative she invented. All the while, she told the friend that I was lying. The friend ended up blocking me after I publicly stated that I misremembered what happened. She cared more about her image than my wellbeing. She didn’t apologize. She had no remorse. When we went to a sex party, she put hand sanitizer on my vagina despite my saying no because she didn’t want me to “get an infection”. For a second time, I told someone else what happened, and she once again privately messaged me to clear her name. She later told me that she felt that when I told my friends what she did that it was “women being women” again.
Before she broke up with me, she forced herself onto me while we were alone in her bedroom. I didn’t want to do anything sexual and told her no, but she still jumped onto my lap and grinded on me. I screamed and she got off, glaring at me like I did something wrong for not wanting it. I tried to talk to her years later about how hurtful that was, and she told me she was “sorry that happened” and “sorry I felt that way”. She said it was okay to be hurt and asked if I felt heard and understood after saying that I had accused her of sexual assault. I didn’t know it counted as sexual assault and didn’t use the term, but she said that’s what I was accusing her of. I didn’t feel heard or understood, but at that point I felt my honesty was not appreciated. I had tried twice in the past and both times I was coerced into lying. I told her yes. After hanging up with my ex I reached out to my therapists and a RAINN agent. All of them confirmed that it was sexual assault. I ended up isolating myself further once I realized what happened. After failing my classes I had to write an appeal to my college, explaining what happened and retraumatizing myself. I tried to tell a mutual “friend” months later and this person decided to fence sit, telling me that I had told them before and defending my ex. I had to block them too. They said that my ex was “left leaning”.
Throughout the years my ex became more and more right wing. She told me that she “didn’t want to pay for that sh*t” in reference to abortion access, despite my telling her I had been r@ped and would want that option if I needed it. She hung out with an alt-right YouTuber who despite my constantly supporting her, allowed the male YouTuber to ask me if he could snort cocaine off my @ss and pressured me to agree. She didn’t defend me in the slightest. She self-identified as an incel. She found an ex-friend’s address through emailing him a link using a throw away email to make sure he doesn’t try to expose her for being a zoophile. As she dated others, she would complain about her partners to me. She consistently dates mentally ill and unstable people for what I think is a selfish desire to “fix” them and be owed something in return, as well as being more able to groom them. One of her partners, a White woman, called me vile names and slurs. She continued dating this woman despite her absolutely hating me for reasons I still don’t understand. My ex told me her partner was insulting me and laughed, calling women catty when I got offended and insulted her partner in return. Once they broke up, my ex complained to me that she “helped” her get better and was then dumped. “She used me,” she said as I sat there on the other side of the phone.
Another partner she dated was a trans man who was extremely abusive to her and didn’t tell her he was a man until later in their relationship. She told me that after they broke up that the man (who she said she didn’t believe was trans) accused her of grooming her into making homemade bestiality porn. The man tried to call her out in a Facebook post, implying there was a zoophile in the group they were in. My ex, in response, made posts stating she was going to release a video of the abuse to her Facebook friends. The man was then forced to back down. I was immediately on her side, telling her that I was willing to jump the man if he ever came back to our city and no cops were around. I comforted her and she thanked me. I “nagged” her repeatedly to get therapy and she brushed me off. Years later, she finally agreed to therapy but only with one that agrees with zoophilia.
