My Story- Colleen

I was in an abusive relationship for 2 years from 2018-2020 where I was assaulted countless of times. I had never experienced domestic violence before and had a hard time registering it in my head as abuse during the relationship from the constant brain wash, gaslighting and manipulation tactics he used. I felt a sense of pity on him due to his past traumas, which also played a huge role as well. Every time he assaulted me.. I lost myself more and more where eventually I lost myself completely. After I finally left, it took months for me to stop defending and protecting my ex and his behaviour, and to accept that what I went through was extreme abuse. I started educating myself on the cycle of abuse and realized I was in a deep trauma bond and needed to break it. Once I went no contact, my body started coming out of freeze mode, and my symptoms of C-PTSD became worse and worse. I started getting help from doctors and was diagnosed with trauma to my trachea. As I was being told this, I felt anger at the thought of how someone I loved could do this to me and the impacts are real and I am left to deal with it as he walks free. In that moment I decided I wanted justice for myself for that he did to me. I knew would never forgive myself if I didnt. I called victim services, asking if there was a time limit on reporting abuse and was told there was not. The next day I went in to the police station and did my best in reporting the events that happened and the police right away decided to press charges against my ex and went to arrest him that same night. Two months go by before he finally turned himself in as police could not locate him. Leading up to this, he had tried contacting me multiple times through social media accounts, fake numbers calling and texting me and harassing me, threatening me to stop coming after him. He was arrested and released on conditions which included no contact.
There was a three day trial set in place for the 9 charges that were against my ex. I would have to take the stand and testify, facing him in court, which I was ready and prepared for to fight. As time went on, there was four adjournments pushing trial further away each time. My mental health started getting worse as each time I had a new trial date, I had to mentally prepare myself to face him again and again. Eventually I decided for my self and my mental health, that I no longer wanted to testify, I would rather have peace for myself and my health because I know I would be re traumatized and take steps back in my healing. A plea bargain was offered to him, rather than going to trial, which he could have declined and taken me to trial to “prove” his innocence, but instead he pled guilty to one count of the 9 counts of charges, and that was good enough for me. Having the chance for the pain and suffering he caused me to be acknowledged in court that day was all I truly wanted.
I wanted to share my story here because not only does it help me with my healing, but I want to show others that justice is possible. Your voice matters and deserves to be heard. I hope to show other survivors that it is possible to move forward and heal and know that there is a life outside of it all waiting for you to be happy again. Its important that we support each other and I hope my story helps someone else.