Breaking the Chains: My Journey Through Domestic Abuse and Empowerment”

As part of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I have been encouraged to share my story publicly. You see, I barely survived an abusive marriage that included extreme sexual and physical abuse, as well as financial abuse. When he and I started dating, I thought I had found a great guy. He was a military police officer, and he loved spoiling me with clothing and gifts. He checked all of my boxes regarding what I was looking for, and the relationship moved very fast. He did not show any red flags until the day after he put a wedding ring on my finger. That second night of wedded bliss was the first time he ever hurt me, and it set the scene for months of pure torture. The abuse became more painful as time went by, and I had no way out of the situation because he controlled every dime that came in the home. Every day I would gain at least one new bruise because I could not do anything right in his eyes. I endured constant belittling, and no matter what happened I was always the one to blame. He never accepted that he was responsible for anything, and if I fought back at all the gun would come out, which was used to threaten my children. I was put through sexual assaults multiple times a week, often with a gun to my head. He started bringing another woman into the bedroom to watch, and he even encouraged her to join in. She had a sadistic streak that would leave marks all over my body, and he enjoyed watching her do it to my body while he was forcing himself on me. The worst part of it was that I had nowhere to turn; he was a police officer and protected heavily by his command. I finally opened up to a friend, and he encouraged me to get out, even sending me money to file for divorce. During one of the very few times my ex let me out of the house I made my way to an attorney who had agreed to see me without an appointment, and she helped me file the divorce papers. The only downfall was that in the state where we lived the spouse had to present the divorce documents to the other party or pay a large service fee that I could not afford. I made a plan with my neighbor, telling her that if my kids showed up on her doorstep without me then she was to call the police because I was in danger or dead. On October 3rd, a day that still haunts me every year, I approached my ex with the papers and told him I was leaving. The first hit caught me off guard. It was the first time he had ever hit my face, and I hit the floor hard. I yelled for the kids to get out and to go to the neighbors before he was able to hit me again. All I remember after that was constant pain for what felt like an eternity. I woke up in the hospital four days later with a face that had to have some reconstruction done in order to ensure I could breathe through my nose. The attack had crushed both of my sinus cavities in on themselves, broken my nose, cracked my left orbital bone, cracked my skull above my eyebrow, bruised multiple ribs and a vertebra, cut my face up so bad I needed a total of 32 stitches to close the gashes, and dislocated the left side of my jaw. A dentist would later find that most of the teeth of my upper jaw had been cracked and damaged beyond repair, in addition to all of the other damage. When they had arrested him, my ex told them he was trying to kill me. I testified, once I was able to speak again, via video statement, and he pleaded guilty to the charges instead of facing a jury. He was sentenced to ten years. That was all my life was worth in the eyes of a judge. He only served eight of those. I have been given a life sentence, though, full of nightmares, scars, self-doubt, and fear. Two years after he was released from prison for my attack, he somehow obtained a gun, and after a fight with the newest woman in his life, he put three bullets in her – two in the chest and one in the head. She did not survive. I testified via video once again to give a long term victim impact statement to show a pattern of violence. I was hoping he would get the death penalty, but instead, the taxpayers are covering his room and board. He received a life sentence and will have three meals and a roof over his head for the rest of his life. He has no remorse for either attack. I have managed to find the motivation to obtain multiple college degrees that I did not have when I met him, and my kids are safe. I survived, but so many others never make it out alive.