Survivor’s Journey: From Abuse Survivor to Advocate

I want to share my story in hopes that it will help some other victim. I met this man on a dating site. We met and started dating, we dated for about 7 months when he asks me to marry him. I will admit I had fallen in love with him, he was a very nice man, most of the time. There were red flags before we married, but like most victims, I overlooked them. After we married is when the worst abuse of my life begins, he beat me up, he broke my ribs. He was very controlling, he isolated me from my friends. He did not isolate me from family, I think he knew that it would not happen, because my kids and grandkids were my world and still are. But he controlled my phone, he excused me of cheating, when the whole time it was him. He worked off and on, more off, so he had time to contact these women on dating sites, etc. I was not allowed to take a bath or shower by myself, I was not allowed to go to the restroom by myself. At night he kept my phone on his side of the bed, and still accused me of talking to other men. I realized after doing some research, that he was a Narcissist Psychopath. He even told me one night that he was psycho and I better watch out. When I was at work, he would call at least 50 times a day and if he heard a male’s voice, he went crazy. I finally had my feel when I lost my son, and this man said the most God-awful things to me, and then tried to make my son’s death all about him. I knew then I had to get away from him, after being abused the whole time, we were married. Right before my son passed away, we had gone to his dad’s lake house, and he got mad about something, and beat me, he broke my windshield on my car and called me names, I’d never even heard of, and then accused me of making him do it all. He asks me ” Do you not understand what you do to make me do these things?” I looked at him and said, “No, because I didn’t do anything” of course that made him mad and went at me again. After that weekend, I swear I would never be alone with him again. I thank God, my brother who was dying, came to live with us, and my abuser, did not physically hurt me anymore. But behind closed doors, he verbally abused me. I feel that emotional abuse is worse than the physical abuse. Bruises go away, but words stay with you for life. I did not go into a lot of detail, because I just want whoever is reading this, to know that you do not have to stay in an abusive relationship. There are so many people out there to help, so many organizations now that help Abused Women and Men. Please if you are in abusive relationship, find help to get out of it before it is too late. I am so glad I did. I know if I wouldn’t have gotten out when I did, that he would’ve ending up killing me. Since me he has been married twice and has had at least 6 girlfriends and he abused every one of them. Why I don’t know but every one of them contacted me to tell me their story. In October of last year, he was arrested for assault & battery, and strangulation. He didn’t show up for his second hearing and he knew he was going to prison, so being the coward he was, he committed suicide. I’m not glad he did, because he had two kids, and they didn’t deserve to lose him that way, but he was not a good dad, to begin with, he abused his kids, when they were little. His son had not spoken to him in almost 5 yrs, he was close to his daughter though. I feel for them, and reached out to both of them to give my condolences and make sure they didn’t need anything.
I now volunteer at a place for Domestic Violence Victims and I am in the process of getting my certification for Victim Advocacy. I want to help women and men that are in abusive relationship. I want them to know it may not seem like it, but there is a way out. Thank you for letting me share my story.