By Sammie Rose
For those who are familiar with gaslighting may express that this form of abuse can lead any victim into another realm of disconnect. One of the most perplexing things about domestic violence, or IPV, is the driven notion that it is limited to only physical abuse.
How many have heard of the term ‘gaslighting’? We may think it means taking a light or flame to a gas fuel of some sort. Although it sounds like it, domestic violence victims can attest it almost feels like you are taking sentiments that an abuser might say and completely “blow it out of proportion”.
Gaslighting is Lighting the Gas of Insanity!
Many can exclaim that gaslighting manifests in the way that it sounds: lighting the gas of insanity! When one endures the short end of gaslighting, the most poignant words that come to mind are ‘insane or crazy’.
Why you may ask? These are the very two seats of affections that the abuser wants their victims to feel.
Gaslighting in its shortest definition is the outward form of emotional abuse and psychological manipulation. The purpose of gaslighting is to make victims feel as if they are “the crazy one” which sends a projection of themselves to the world that is often misconstrued and perceived quite differently when compared to their actual experience.
Oftentimes the abuser or manipulator deny or twist facts or events, deflect, dismiss a victim’s feelings, or even question the victim’s thoughts by challenging them. These very things cause victims to question their own reality and perceptions of things. The list of what constitutes gaslighting is a dire one, but it is not limited to the aforementioned.
Gaslighting as a Tactic
The abuser or manipulator uses gaslight as a tactic and within this area of control, we might ask ourselves what other purposes does gaslighting serve? Gaslighting serves several reasons for the abuser or manipulator, the list includes some of the following:
- Control and power
- Avoiding responsibility
- Isolating the victim
- Confusing the victim
- Emotional manipulation
- Diminishing the victim’s sense of self
- Justification for their actions
- Reaffirming unbalanced power dynamic in the relationship
The issue with gaslighting is that the reasons that drive the abuser or manipulator are almost always about control whilst breaking down the psyche of the victim.
Leaving Victims Vulnerable
This act leaves victims in vulnerable states where manipulation is further pressed down in the hopes that control can maintain its tenacity throughout the course of the relationship.
How does one break free from the bondage that gaslighting creates alongside the emotional toll that it takes? When it comes to seeking help, it is important to recognize that gaslighting is happening in the first place.
Recognizing and accepting that being gas lit has happened, or is currently taking place, is the first step in acknowledging this form of manipulation. Not to mention raising a certain degree of awareness that is needed to further progress to the next course of action.
It is not only important, but necessary to document any instances of gaslighting. Whether that is through writing notes, saving text messages, screenshots, or anything tangible that one can use as proof to challenge one’s own distorted thoughts. Not to mention ideas that you were thinking were initially the result of gaslighting.
Self-Trust and Damages
Gaslighting in its own right can be extremely harmful to the victim. It damages self-trust, can lead to mental health issues. Issues such as depression, anxiety and chronic stress among other conditions, and can also create a loss of identity within isolation.
To combat and alleviate some of the harm caused, victims can reach out for support through therapy, support groups, and trusted loved ones. It’s important to set firm boundaries with your manipulator or abuser when it is safe to do so.
Overcoming Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a difficult form of abuse to tackle, but not impossible to heal from. Everyone’s journey is unique and different. During periods of gaslighting, or moments freed from this emotional abuse, it is important to take the time for self-care.
To take hold of educating oneself on the many components of gaslighting and learn what healthy relationships entail. As well as take the time to thoroughly process the unfortunate events that arose from gaslighting, so one can fully heal.
Overcoming the hurdle of moving forward from gaslighting is a tremendous feat to grow through. Patience, self-compassion, and reconnecting with oneself will create space for healing while noting that it takes time.
Check These Resources:
- Complete Guide to Mindful Meditation, and Emotional Healing.
- The Hidden Impact of Teen Dating Violence
- Find Support with BTSADV
Support Line
Other Resources and Information:
