I am sharing my story because I lived for so long in fear that he was going to come kill me and my children. After he shook and strangled our pug puppy and my son, I thought my silence would protect me.
I was married for just under thirteen months. In that time, I was sexually, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and especially financially abused to the point where I was diagnosed with PTSD and have been going through significant treatment and therapy. I have graduated from my group and individual PTSD therapy through hard work and determination. I am the second of my abuser’s wives to be diagnosed with PTSD and require treatment. He has well-documented abuse in journals he left behind in our marital home, which speaks in a graphic form about how he hurt his ex-wife and children. I had no idea any of these journals, anger-management workbooks, or hundreds of pages of Mr. Sieger’s treatment notes on abuse even existed until I filed my order for protection and I was packing his things. Through hard work, these are now property of the local police department and I was granted copies in my divorce.
Before my marriage, I had no diagnosis, nor did I suffer from mental health challenges. I believed myself to be resilient and very, very capable—as I am an eight-time cancer survivor and single parent.
The man who abused me destroyed my sense of self and safety in just over a year to the point where I work hard every day to be the person I was before I met him. My son has weekly therapy appointments and we desperately miss our dog, who is in a new home, working through the abuse he inflicted after the vet stated the puppy needed a new environment after being kicked and strangled. It was heartbreaking. Our cat has worked hard to heal as well and now greets people at the door again.
Throughout my marriage, I had to…
Ask before I spent money or left my home- even to go to Costco.
I was not allowed to drive my car if we were together, nor was I allowed to have male friends. I was extremely isolated. If I was around Eric, it was demanded I was at full attention and not on my phone. My marriage cost me countless relationships that I am rebuilding.
He taunted me when I stated I would call the police after he hurt me or screamed at me and told me repeatedly, “no one will believe you.” For much of my marriage, I sadly believed him.
He threatened to cut off my health insurance multiple times when I was undergoing breast cancer treatment. While at Mayo Clinic on January 26th, 2022, he turned off my credit card, leaving me stranded without money. Their social services department helped me call Lewis House that day and that’s the day I was able to get free.
He spit on, hit, slapped, shook, put his hands around the neck of, and greatly intimidated my special needs son, who has an IEP because he’s vulnerable. The man who abused us was VERY involved in my child’s IEP and understood how at-risk my child is, making his abuse towards my child even more insidious. He kicked, threw, and shook our puppy and cat, who are both included in the OFP. He admitted to shaking our dog “by his neck” during the evidentiary hearing- to this day, that’s the only thing he’s admitted to.
I was abused throughout my marriage. His inability to stop hurting me, screaming at me, threatening me, or intimidating me reflects his inability to choose to control himself or his actions. And I can proudly say that all of this is public record as I have testified in court, my son testified and the court record is now publicly available through the State of Minnesota courthouse computers. (19AV-FA-22-177.)
When I filed my Order of Protection ex parte and won, he retaliated in every financial way he could. He cleaned out our joint checking and removed me from our credit card fully. He then removed my access to all statements, including utilities and mortgage, and attempted to change addresses for my car insurance, life insurance, and my own bank accounts, among over thirty other actions he took. This caused me great emotional and financial strain. To this day, I don’t have most of my tax documents or items on our shared drive, as he blocked me from my own documents out of pure spite.
He’s also found numerous ways to contact me, months after my Order of Protection, using Google Calendar, my children’s orthodontist, and others. I live in fear each and every day that he’ll find new ways to try and hurt me or intimidate me. Just a few months ago, he called in a cell phone that I won in the divorce (almost two years ago) as stolen. Now that he’s been served by publication (a method available in some states when abusers are difficult to serve) all the details of the order for protection are public– along with his name.
It took me a lot of time to unpack what I had been through. I believe his behavior greatly escalated while we were married. During my marriage, the man who abused me often held me down, with one arm pressing on my chest so I could not move, and demanded I submit to him in ways that were demeaning and absolutely cruel. If I said no, I was punished or threatened with divorce.
In 2022, I broke free and fought for a year to get my order or protection extended and served. As of (today!) 12/28/2023, my fifty-year (yes, 50!) Order of Protection is now public and served and any other violations are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
I want other humans who face domestic violence know that THEIR VOICE MATTERS and they don’t have to live in silence. Because of his own actions and refusal to stop violating and be properly served, there’s justice in karma form. His name, the file number and my story is now public. I wish this for EVERY survivor- may their future healing lead the way to protect others. We are ALL in this together.
I chose a photo of my recent wedding. In my marriage, I am never demeaned, threatened or held down. My husband is kind and gentle– and I am kind and gentle to myself as well. Here’s too forever.
