By Survivor Brittany
**The following is written by a survivor of domestic violence and abuse. Names have been changed to protect all involved.**
I met my ex about 6 months after I had my first born son. He was everything I had ever wanted in a partner, or so he seemed in the beginning.
Building a Life Together
The true horror didn’t begin until, coincidentally, our daughter together was 6 months old. We he never had a fight.
He had never raised his voice at me until I turned down sex one night. He coldly looked at me and asked me why I was there, then began screaming.
I tried explaining I was exhausted and our baby would be up soon so I’d rather sleep. That’s when the first of meany beatings occurred.
After, he told me he was sorry and made me undress so he could see the marks on my body . I thought at first it was just guilt, but it was more admiration for what he’d done.
As he’d do this throughout the next few weeks every time he attacked me.
“He had taken everything from me.”
I was not allowed clothing without permission, he threw out what he didn’t like. If I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, I was beat and placed in “time out” because I hadn’t asked for permission.
He would routinely hold knives at me and make me drink melatonin laced coffee, or milk then burn me with cigarettes to make sure I was actually out.
He allowed his friends to come over and rape me during that time I was unconscious.
My phone was one of the many things that had been confiscated and anytime I tried to run he would drag me away from the door and the beatings would begin again.
Beatings Getting Worse and Worse
He started getting his rifle after me, or locked me in the bedroom while he sharpened knives at the foot of the bed and tell me the only way I’d be leaving that room was in a body bag. Every day I spent not knowing if that was the day he’d make good on his promise, or accidentally take the beatings too far.
The last week before I escaped was worse.
He had began to get more violent with each turn.
He placed blankets on the floor and ordered me to sit on them. I did as I was told out of fear. He then told me to stand and grabbed my by my hair and pulled me to my feet.
I was instructed to close my eyes, but I didn’t, I looked into his as he held a knife to my throat. He got angry and told me to sit back down and look at the ground.
The next thing everything went black and my hearing was completely gone. He’d hit me in the head with the knife. The beatings had escalated.
Trying to Escape
The following days were a blur. He would ask me if I thought he was abusive and instead of saying no I said yes.
The fight escalated and ended with me in a pool of blood on the floor. He told me he feared I wouldn’t make it and he wanted to get me help.
He proceeded to talk on the phone and was saying things like “Yes I did it”.
“Send an ambulance.”
I felt relief until he hung up the phone and glare at me.
He asked, “You were really going to let me do that weren’t you?”
“He hadn’t made the call.”
It was a test and I’d failed. He told me if I died he’d just throw my body in the woods in a neighboring county. The crushing defeat of that money I knew I had to get myself and baby away from there as soon as it was safe.
Luck would have it a few days later he left.
I wasn’t allowed my phone, but I got in his computer and sent a message to my sister.
All in all, I lived in fear he’d come home and find out I was touching things without permission, or he’d know I was trying to leave and kill me. I didn’t put my shoes on for this reason.
Didn’t even put them on when my sister pulled in the driveway.
“I just ran.”
Ran to safety and begged to hurry before he came back.
My sister and brother in law from there took me to the police station. He was charged with a number of things “false imprisonment”, “domestic violence”, etc and given one year in jail.
He served 6 months of that and was released. My EPO remained in effect.
I still get messages from newly created accounts from him.
He still randomly stalks and tries to apologize for how he treated me. All of the beatings. Claiming he has changed.
I don’t believe he is capable of it. But I’m finally in a place where I am happy, and safe. I’m still learning how to trust and navigating PTSD, but I survived.
I am a survivor not a victim.
Check These Resources:
- Therapeutic Interventions for Healing From Domestic Violence
- The Hidden Impact of Teen Dating Violence
- Find Support with BTSADV
Support Line
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