My Story – Renee

I married the man of my dreams in 1993. He was everything to me – handsome, smart, funny and loved the Lord. Two weeks after we married he killed my precious dog. He said he was jealous of my love for her. That jealousy would be the cause for many phones being ripped from the wall, distributor caps removed from my vehicle, and phone lines cut going into the house. My upbringing caused me to do everything I could to keep my growing family together. I didn’t want to be like my mother, so I endured it all believing he would go back to the man I met and married. It worsened with his drug abuse. He stopped drinking and switched to pills and stole them from homes he serviced for heating and air at work, or from patients he tended to as a volunteer firefighter. He stole from family and friends until he was caught and forced to attend rehab. He completed 2 rehabilitation centers and began using immediately when released. I canceled a script once and he sped home down our country driveway and rammed his truck into the side of our home and ripped the deck off. He pulled me outside and made me get on my knees while he held a gun to my head in front of our three small children. He went into the holler and fired three shots behind his head and told me to watch because that is what I deserved. There were many things over the years, I had 54 stitches placed into my lip, fractures, he raped me and beat me. Followed me and tried to kill me several times. One night in January he left our home without our children. He’d always take one to ensure I wouldn’t leave- but that night he left without any. Before he left he tried to rape me in front of our children. Our oldest was screaming at him as he drug me through the house. He stopped, but told the kids mommy was bad and wanted him to leave. After he left that night the police came to my house. I thought he called them to get to try and get me in trouble. The officer asked me if I was OK and I begged him to leave. He stepped inside and for the first time in 12 years something in me caused me to turn to my children and tell them to come and get on the car- now. We had a 4 car escort all the way to the sheriff department. I was photographed and filed an ex parte. My husband called me a million times angry as hell. He came looking for me with a shotgun and 2 boxes of shells that night. The police put my children and I up in a hotel and cleared the wing out prepared for a shootout. He searched all night for me and turned back home. The swat team surrounded our home to arrest him and he refused for the longest time to surrender. Eventually he was taken into custody. At the police station I was told he confessed to everything he had ever done to me – something the officer said he’d never heard before. His mother bailed him out that day..I had gone home learning he was arrested but while praying I was suddenly moved to leave immediately. The police were still in my home and they escorted us back to the hotel where we stayed that night. Once we arrived the officer went inside and was taking a long while… I got out of the car to see what was taking so long and he emerged from the hotel with his radio up to his chest. I heard the call dispatched to my mother in laws home next door. Single gunshot…. white male…..
He killed himself after talking to his buddy about how much time he would get for the assaults he was charged with. He told his friend he couldn’t go to jail….. and then….. bang. He shot himself.
I don’t know if I got away that night because.it had haunted me every day since. His family and so many others have blamed me for his death. Today it has been 18 years….. much of my life has been framed by his death. It’s almost like he still reaches me from the grave…