My Story – Aleia

When we first met you were so different. I know that’s what everybody says, but it’s so true. You were kind and caring. Patient..honest.. loyal.. all of the things I was looking for. I couldn’t tell you exactly when things changed. Even 8 years later some memories are still fuzzy, but the trauma and PTSD I have from the relationship has never changed. The first time you put your hands on me I couldn’t believe it. You choked me so hard I couldn’t breath. I remember gasping for air. You picked me up by my throat and threw me into the closet all while you were screaming and yelling at me. I finally was able to get away and lock my bedroom door. You took my car and phone and left and I made up my mind, I was done. I packed all your stuff and waited for you to get back, but when you walked through the door and begged me for another chance with tears coming down your face I fell for it.. I believed you and that was only the beginning. For two years I walked on eggshells. I never voiced my opinion and if I did I was slapped in the face and told to shut up. I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup. I wasn’t allowed to bite my nails. I couldn’t go hang out with friends. I was told I was worthless, a piece of shit, a whore .. I mean the list goes on and on. Then I found out I was pregnant and things calmed down a little bit and I thought maybe things would get better. It’s definitely true what they say kids don’t make it better. When I was 7 months pregnant with our daughter we got into a fight and he was drunk. I don’t know why I spoke up because I knew better but I said something that made him really mad. He went and got his gun and put it up to my head. He told me he was going to kill me over and over again. He then forced me to have sex with him while the gun was up to my face. I was crying and begging him to stop. I tried to say please the baby and he told me he didn’t care about the baby. He had sex with me until he was done and then passed out drunk on the bed. All while I laid their distraught and disgusted. The next morning he had no recollection of anything of course and guess what? I stayed with him. I used to be so mad at myself for staying after that, but I know now I was conditioned to fear leaving. After my beautiful daughter came into this world I knew it was time to make a change. I knew I couldn’t raise her in that life. I gained the strength to leave. It was the hardest thing I ever did. I spent months still fearful of my life, but looking back it was the best thing I ever did for my daughter and I. She saved me. She’s my angel and I’ll never let her forget it .