My story – Shawnette R

Testimony is telling others what God has done in your life. God wants us to share our testimonies to others so that they may be see how he delivered us from our spiritual warfare battle Satan can sometimes make us forget our testimony because he knows if we use our testimony, we will be victorious.
On this day (11/7/1996), I almost lost my life to domestic violence. I remember it like it was yesterday. It’s been 25 years and I’ve never told my story. It’s never to late to tell your story. I’ve met so many people not from my hometown since then and nobody ever knew I was a domestic violence survivor. I was young and ashamed of what I had experienced and just wanted to erase everything like it never happened. I must be obedient to God and share my story. God’s timing.
The following is a short version of my personal testimony of how my God delivered me from the abusive relationship I was in from 1990-1996. In my freshman year, young, naïve, and wanting to be like some of the other students, I started dating a 12th grader. He was a drug dealer and would give me money and gifts. I fell in love with the money and gifts.
Since I was dating a 12th grader, I started staying out late. I knew what I was doing was not the will of God. He started being controlling during my sophomore year. I thought it was love but it really wasn’t. My high school year wasn’t’ normal. I really didn’t get a chance to enjoy my high school years because I was dating a controlling and jealous person.
My senior year is when the physical abuse started. I was at a party one night. He came later thinking I was with someone else and hit me for the first time. As a result, I had a black eye. I did not go home for several days because I was so ashamed of what had happened. He promised not to do it again and I believed him. Little did I know this was only the beginning.
I was going to church faithfully. I was very smart during my high school years. I was in the top ten percent during my junior year. I was able to graduate high school but was not in the top 10 percent like I was in grades 9th thru 11th because of everything I had experienced in my senior year. I had my first child three months after graduating high school.
The abuse became worse after high school. Everyone was afraid of him. I had no life. This was the worst time of my life. He would beat me in front of my friends, children, come on my jobs starting trouble, always accusing me of talking to other men amongst so many other things that would take a lifetime to tell. I lost so many friends and family members because everyone feared him and didn’t want to be involved. I had my second child in 1995.
I never stopped going to church. I was young but knew the importance of prayer. I prayed and cried every day for God to deliver me from this battle I was going through in my life. I thank God for giving me the strength because as much as I was going through at a very young age I never gave up or wanted to end my life. My faith and trust in God helped me in the darkest moments of my life. There were sometimes when I questioned God and wondered why I was chosen to go through so much pain. I just wanted to have a normal life for myself and children like others my age.
Two weeks before November 7, 1996, I was home along with my brother, my babies, and uncle. He came to my home and pulled a gun on me. ( I think during this time I was trying to leave). The scariest time of life. We were able to calm him down and he eventually left. He was arrested the same day and an order of protection was taken out the same day. He would call and harass me every day from jail saying he was going to kill me. I begged them not to let him out of jail because of the threats. They didn’t listen. The justice system was awful during that time when it came to domestic violence victims.
He was released from jail on November 7, 1996. Once he was released, I remember him calling me saying he was going to kill me. I was scared but didn’t really think he meant what he was saying. (I know now if someone tells you they are going to kill you believe them). My mother, my two babies and I returned home that night. I parked under our car port. I was getting out of the car talking to my uncle who was standing under our car port when I saw him run from behind my house with a bag in his hand. I immediately jumped back in the car locked my doors in hopes of driving away, but I didn’t have time. I looked up there he was standing at my window with the gun pointed at me. I was terrified the only thing I could do was lift my arm to protect my face he shot me twice. One bullet went in my arm and the other bullet went in my leg. If I hadn’t lifted my arm, both bullets would have probably gone in my face or head. I’m so glad none of the bullets hit my mother and children that were also in the car with me. I’m so glad he did not try to harm my uncle. He ran off thinking I was dead, But God. I thank God he did not stay to make sure I was dead. I thank God also for my uncle being at my home that night to call 911 immediately. I lost so much blood and was able to get to the hospital in time to get the blood transfusions I needed to save my life.
It’s so easy for others to say leave but if you’ve never been through an abusive relationship, you will never fully understand why it’s so hard for a victim to leave. Leaving can be dangerous unless you have the resources to move far away. I tried leaving and almost lost my life.
As I look back over my life, the choices I made in high school were not the best I still did not deserve to be treated the way I was treated. Even though I made some bad choices, God still loved me and never left my side. “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrew 13:5, KJV). No weapon formed against me shall not prosper. During the years of abuse, Satan tried to get me to doubt and give up on God because he was allowing me to experience so much pain. I never gave up on God. I knew he would deliver me one day. God’s promises are true, and he will never put more on us than we can bear. Satan also tried to make me think I would never amount to anything because of what I had experienced. I proved him wrong. I was able to go on and finish graduate school to make a better life for myself and children.
I am so thankful for my scars because without my scars I would have never experienced the goodness of God. Our God is faithful. If I had 10,000 tongues, I still couldn’t thank him enough. I am so thankful for his grace, favor, and mercy. Every time I hear of women losing their life to domestic violence my heart hurts, I look back over my life and thank God for sparing my life because that could have and should have been me. I am so grateful. and I know God has a purpose for saving my life. I give God all the glory. The suffering taught me and made me who I am today. I’m no longer ashamed of what I went through. I am enough. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am his masterpiece. God made sure I lived on purpose so I could fulfill his purpose for my life. My purpose is loading. God’s timing.