Reclaiming my identity after the abuse has been amazing. For so long, I did whatever the abuser
liked, always walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting him. This constant adjustment made me
lose touch with who I was. I became so focused on keeping the peace that I forgot about
the things I liked. After leaving the abusive relationship acknowledging this was an important
first step in rediscovering myself. After I left, realized that my likes, dislikes, and desires matter.
It’s been a process of reconnecting with the person I was before the abuse and rediscovering who
I am now, free from the abuse.
One of the most personal aspects of reclaiming my identity has been rediscovering my sense of
fashion. I began by updating my wardrobe, rediscovering styles I used to love, and
experimenting with new looks. Before, I avoided wearing pink because my abuser hated the
color. It was a small but significant way I tried to keep the peace and avoid any potential conflict.
Now, I’ve made a conscious effort to embrace pink again. I started wearing it all the time, not
just as a rebellious act, but as a way to reconnect with a part of myself that I was never allowed
to express in that relationship. Wearing pink has become more than just a fashion choice; it’s a
declaration of reclaiming my preferences and celebrating my individuality.
I also began making my own food choices when I left the abusive relationship. During that
relationship, the abuser cooked and chose all the meals, leaving me with little say in what I ate.
Now, I get to decide what I want to eat. This newfound freedom has been incredibly
empowering. I’ve started exploring different foods, trying out new recipes, and rediscovering
flavors that I once enjoyed or was curious about. I’ve even discovered that I can cook, and it’s
been an amazing experience.
Another way I’ve been reclaiming my identity is through Zumba. Dance was something I loved
but was mocked for by my abuser. His laughter at my attempts to dance made me feel bad about
something that once brought me joy. Now, I’ve embraced Zumba as a hobby and discovered that
I am, in fact, a good dancer. It’s not just about the physical activity but also about the joy and
freedom I feel while moving to the music. Zumba has become a powerful way for me to express
myself, regain confidence, and celebrate my ability to dance.
Exploring new places has been freeing in its way. My recent trip to New Orleans was a
perfect example of this newfound freedom. I chose the places I wanted to see, and it was
incredibly empowering. I strolled down Bourbon Street, soaking in the vibrant atmosphere, live
music, and eclectic mix of shops. I explored the river area, taking in the stunning views and
enjoying the lively energy of the waterfront. I also visited a mall, indulging in a bit of retail
therapy and enjoying the simple pleasure of choosing my purchases. Each of these
experiences was a testament to my regained autonomy and a way to reconnect with the
adventurous spirit within me.
Relearning how to make decisions has been a significant challenge. Abuse often left me unsure
of my choices and stripped away my sense of autonomy. I began by making small decisions
about what to wear, what to eat, or what movie to watch. Gradually, I rebuilt my confidence in
making larger choices. I’ve learned that it’s okay to take my time and seek advice when needed,
but my decisions are valid and deserve to be respected.
Four years later, I barely recognized the woman I was during that relationship. The person I’ve
become is someone I now see as me I was always meant to be. Each day forward is a step
towards rediscovering me. Whether it’s embracing pink, cooking my meals, dancing with
joy, exploring new places, or making decisions independently each step of rediscovery has
brought me closer to my true self.
This journey of reclaiming my identity has been deeply personal and unique. It’s about honoring
my past while embracing the future with courage and resilience. By reconnecting with things that
bring me joy I’ve begun to rebuild a sense of self that is strong, energetic, and totally mine.
Every step forward is a victory. Bu Iris P
