**The following is written by a survivor of domestic violence (DV) and abuse. Names have been changed to protect all involved.**
By Survivor Chloe
I was 15 when I got into my DV relationship.
Just 15 years old.
Love Bombing
I always thought “It wont happen to me” until it did. The relationship moved very fast, within a few days he was acting like we had been together years.
This man acted obsessed with me, like I was the only person for him and he always spoke about how he’d never hurt me. He love bombed me.
He Had His Own Past with DV
Very early on in the relationship he told me horrible things that had happened to him in his past. Later on in the relationship, I realized he’d only told me these things so early on to guilt trip me.
Even before he put his hands on me the relationship was not healthy. He was constantly checking my phone, arguing with me, telling me what to wear, making threats to me. Not allowing me to have male friends.
That should have been my red flag, I should have left him then. But I didn’t, I stayed with him and that was the worst mistake of my life.
“I remember the first time he laid his hands on me.”
I was at his house and my mum called me and told me I needed to come home.
When I tried to leave his house, this man started to shout and accuse me of “cheating on him”. Saying, “I was only leaving to meet another boy.”
I was scared and confused, as I was trying to reassure him he grabbed my phone out of my pocket and threw it on the floor. My phone completely broke in half.
After this he grabbed me by my neck and then shoved me to the floor.
I ran home crying.
I was so confused and hurt, the person who was supposed to love me had just hurt me and i couldn’t believe it.
The DV Continued, But First, The Apologies
Then the apologies started. He begged and begged for my forgiveness for days on end.
He would ring me constantly crying his eyes out, saying he didn’t mean it and that he would never do it again.
And he offered to pay for my phone to be fixed. Stupidly, I forgave him for the DV and his outburst.
He payed for my phone to be fixed and he promised to never do it again. His toxic traits never left. He still argued with me, told me what I could and couldn’t wear.
Blocked me and unblocked me.
Verbal and Physical Abuse Continues
For the next couple of months he never physically HIT me but he would do things like push me, throw things at me, break my things, scream in my face.
I was scared of him. I genuinely was. It felt like I was walking on egg shells all the time to avoid the DV. I was constantly thinking before I spoke. Incase it upset him and caused him to shout.
I still don’t know why I didn’t leave him, he knew how to make me feel sorry for him and I believed his apologies every time.
“Then he actually hit me.”
We had an argument because I was wearing makeup, which I wasn’t allowed to do. He then pushed me and was being his usual horrible self so I tried to leave his house.
Because I tried to go home he slapped me across the face.
I remember feeling shocked and scared. This man was getting worse and worse and I now felt stuck in the relationship like there was no way out.
I loved him so much because when he wanted to be he was so nice and made me feel like the only girl in the world. But when he was horrible… it was bad.
After he slapped me he threw me across the room and sat on top of me forcing me to say, “I accept your apology”.
He would not get off me until I forgave him. So i did.
“The next day was Valentine’s Day.”
We went out together for a meal. He accused me of looking at a boy that was in the restaurant so he started shouting and screaming at me in front of everyone. Then he started throwing his food at me.
He grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the restaurant. He said that I caused a scene and I embarrassed him by looking at another boy.
I didn’t look at anyone he was always so paranoid.
After we left the restaurant he didn’t apologize like he usually did. Then we went to a play area with his sister and her children. He saw that my male friend had sent me a message asking if I’m okay.
He then took my phone off me and would not give it me back. I raised my voice at him and asked for it back, he then threw my phone across the play area in front of everyone. When I got up to go and get it he threw me on the floor.
I then left the play area in a complete state. He followed me and confronted me outside saying that I caused a scene again.
“He always blamed me.”
A man saw him shouting at me and grabbing me in the street so he confronted my ex and told him to stop. This led to my ex punching the man who was just trying to help me.
After the altercation happened I ran away. I was so hurt I wanted to get away from him.
He started chasing after me down the street, eventually he caught up to me and grabbed me by the neck whilst head butting me.
This was on a main road, another man in a van pulled over and shouted “Oy, you’re supposed to look after your girlfriend not hurt her.” The DV and abuse was in public now.
Suddenly, my ex then stopped. But again he didn’t apologize to me like he usually did.
Staying Despite My Own Fears
I stupidly stayed with him because he made me feel like it was my fault. The next day he strangled me for the first time.
We were arguing and he pinned me down on the bed, sat on top of me and strangled me until I couldn’t breathe.
It went from a push, to having things thrown at me, to a slap, to now being strangled.
He was getting worse every second and I didn’t know what to do.
“For the next few months it was a repeated cycle.”
Every argument I’d get slapped and grabbed and then strangled.
I was leaving his house with swollen eyes from being slapped. Bruises all over my arms from being grabbed and red finger marks from being strangled every single time I saw him.
For some reason I stayed with him, he isolated me from my friends, my family, college and my job.
I wasn’t allowed to see my friends so they all fell out with me.
My family practically disowned me for staying with him. He was the only person I had. And he took advantage of that.
Over the next few months the abuse was getting worse and worse. I was now being punched and kicked and thrown all over the room.
The Abuse Is Getting Worse
The abuse was so severe I was getting left with black eyes and injuries that lasted for days.
Trapped. I was trapped.
At this point in my life I was severely depressed. I had no friends, the only person I had was him. The man that was supposed to love me, was the cause of my DV. He would treat me like this.
“On my 17th birthday he broke my finger.”
He made me sleep on the floor after an argument, so I did to avoid any more arguments.
He then said I wasn’t giving him any attention, so he grabbed my arm, dragged me on the bed, strangled me until I passed out for a few seconds. When I woke up he was still strangling me.
So I grabbed his hand and tried to get him off me. He then released his hands from my neck, grabbed my hand and twisted my little finger backwards. This broke my finger.
I left and went to the hospital alone. I spent my birthday in hospital alone and he didn’t even apologize to me.
All in all, I had my finger in a cast for a few weeks.
I had dealt with him for 2 years now.
The Last Time I Saw Him
The last time I ever saw him was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me in my life. It was April, 2024 and he was going through my phone and noticed I had took selfies.
He hated me taking selfies and I wasn’t allowed to because it’s “showing off for boy attention”.
So he threw my phone at the wall and tried to break it. He didn’t succeed in breaking it, so I ran out the room and hid my phone in his sister’s bedroom so he couldn’t attempt to break it again.
He then tried to find my phone, but couldn’t find it.
Because he couldn’t find it he grabbed my ankle and kept twisting it all the way around until I told him where my phone was. Almost like a torture method using DV to get the truth out of me.
He nearly broke my ankle. He then started strangling me and punching me in the face. At this point I was crying my eyes out, shaking and terrified.
“I was so sick to death of being a punching bag to a man that was supposed to love me.”
After abusing me for 15 minutes straight he left the room, I felt relief when he left the room. But it wasn’t for long. He returned to the room with a pair of scissors.
I felt my heart drop, I thought he was going to kill me. I felt genuine fear for my life, I just froze on the bed.
He then grabbed me and started cutting my clothes off me. He cut my leggings off me, then my knickers, then he cut my top off and my bra. Left me lying there naked whilst he destroyed the rest of the things that were mine in his room.
He cut my coat up, he cut my shoes up, he cut my phone charger, he broke my AirPods. Even cut my handbag up after.
I was so scared about what he was going to do next.
I was lying there naked whilst crying and shaking watching him destroy all of my things.
“He then come over to me and cut my hair.”
I was so angry he had cut my hair. So I started to shout at him. Because I shouted at him he put the scissors to my throat and threatened to kill me.
I was so scared.
He then put the scissors away and told me “You’re not going to get out of this relationship alive”.
He then continued to beat me the rest of the night , he locked his door so I couldn’t get out.
I Got OUT of the DV
The next morning, I acted like I had forgiven him so I could safely go home.
I kissed him goodbye at the door and then ran and ran and ran and ran until I couldn’t anymore. Then, I called the police and he was arrested a few days later.
I finally realized after nearly 3 years of being abused that he was never going to change. He went to prison and now I am free and living my best life.
I realized that he didn’t love me, he was a monster who just loved to control me.
Check These Resources:
- Therapeutic Interventions for Healing From Domestic Violence
- The Hidden Impact of Teen Dating Violence
- Find Support with BTSADV
Support Line
Other Resources and Information:
