Dear Journal,
Do you want to know what I’ve learned over the years? Hopefully, you do because I’m about to tell you anyway. You are the listening ear I can always depend on when I’m upset.
I’ve learned that your gut, body, and soul will scream when you have met or are in the company of an evil person. Your intuition is so persistent in getting your attention that ignoring or silencing it will not work, so don’t fight it. A wicked, immoral person will have all parts of you- spiritually, physically, emotionally, psychologically shouting in perfect harmony, “ALERT! RED FLAG! RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION! SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT!”
Intuitively allow yourself to be guided around people. Your intuition is there to protect you. Your ego is self-serving. Therefore, giving your ego power will only weaken your ability to detect those around you who do not support your highest, best self. I believe in allowing myself to be intuitively guided when making assessments about the people in my life. By doing so, I no longer spend much time debating whether or not a person is good or bad. Learning to trust my instincts has saved me a lot of time and trouble. I contribute this to feeling safe with the people in my life today because of this. Feeling safe is what everyone deserves to feel. Furthermore, learning to trust your gut is essential for anyone, especially survivors of domestic abuse. So, let me share how I have learned to trust myself by tuning into my intuition when distinguishing between a safe and dangerous individual.
When meeting someone for the first time, I find it easiest to tune into my intuition since objectivity is not yet a complication for me. I can immediately pick up on the energy of someone and will use that to take note of how this person’s presence is affecting me. Whether or not I feel uneasy around this person is the first thing I make a conscious note of in my mind. If an individual’s presence triggers an uneasy emotion within me, I consciously make a mental note to be hyper-aware of any additional red flags. With that being said, immediately after meeting someone new, I have already decided whether or not to be on high alert with them in all future encounters.
After initially meeting someone, I channel my intuition in a variety of ways to help me decide if this is a person I want to keep in my life or not. During a conversation with a person, I pay attention to how easy it is for me to be in that conversation. Is it safe to voice my opinion? Do I feel heard or judged? Does the conversation easily flow and make me feel good or the opposite? I have learned over time that a bad person creates a lump in my throat while triggering feelings of anxiety and uneasiness. Conversations with the wrong person cause my chest to feel like it’s tightening up. I feel unsafe speaking my mind; all I can think about is exiting the conversation as soon as possible. When any of these signs arise, I know this is a person I need to get away from immediately. The right people will make you feel supported and happier during and after a conversation. Good people will not have any negative impact on how you physically feel.
Have you ever met a good person who had pure motives that ever left you constantly wondering if they are or are not in your life for the right reasons? I have not. In comparison, answering that question with the wrong person will leave you feeling mentally tormented and distraught. The wrong person will leave you feeling negative and drained emotionally overall. For me, the mere mention of their name or hearing their voice will automatically start to trigger negative emotions. This is a blatant sign to stay away from this person. This is your inner self, your intuition alerting you to “STAY AWAY!”. The way people treat you automatically conditions you, subconsciously, for how you will respond to them in the future. Pay attention!
A bad person will mess with you psychologically over and over again. The kind of individuals to be aware of are those who say one thing and do another, also known as manipulation. A person who manipulates you and refuses to be held accountable refers to a specific type of psychological abuse called gaslighting. Nothing is ever consistent with an abuser who is gaslighting their victim. Their words and actions will never match unless they are manipulating you for personal gain. That is it. Noticing this type of person is straightforward: check the consistency of how often their words match their actions. If their words and actions do not align, pay attention to their willingness to be held accountable. Remember, their words will sound loving and perfect but their actions will leave you feeling the complete opposite of anything positive or loving. The consequences of this will leave a person feeling inadequate about themselves as it takes an emotional toll on someone. The only consistent quality about abusive people is that they are manipulative and refuse to be held accountable. Whenever a person like this appears to be doing or saying anything that “appears” to be altruistically motivated, you most likely will continue to feel uneasy. This is because you know their kindness comes with strings attached, even if you don’t want to admit it. Unfortunately, gaslighting is a cruel form of psychological abuse that is very common and even harder to detect. However, with awareness and knowledge of what signs to look for, you can prepare the best possible defense against all forms of abuse, including gaslighting.
Overall, abusive people will never genuinely apologize- there is always an ulterior motive. Often, a bad person will apologize at the moment when it is convenient to fulfilling their primary objective but they will continually repeat the offense they are apologizing for. They will not allow you to hold them accountable either. If you try, they will deflect deflect deflect. At all costs, they will deflect their wrongdoing or bad behavior on anyone, including you. They will blame anyone or anything to escape accountability because they do not want to change. They will deny the personal boundaries you attempt to set, protect, and maintain because they benefit from your lack of boundaries. The right person for you will never disrespect your boundaries. In fact, they will respect them as much as you do. The primary goal of a morally good person in a relationship is to be respected and to give respect. This creates a feeling of security and safety within the relationship with a good person. The wrong person will make you feel such tension in their presence it’s only alleviated by saying goodnight or goodbye. A good person for your mind, body, and soul will always leave you wanting more time with them because they simply make you feel good- they add value to your life.
A bad person can’t hide who they are for long. If we can’t pick up on it from the initial meeting of a person, in time, a person will start to show you who they are. Be willing to listen with your eyes, heart, and ears. Your body, mind, and soul will pick up on the red flags even if you have not consciously become aware of them yet. Your intuition knows the truth even if you have not admitted it to yourself yet that there is something “not right” about this person. Good people want to see the best in people at all costs- it’s a curse and a blessing. It gets harder and more complicated to distinguish between a good or bad person when the relationship with that person is very personal and intimate. However, with patience and the utmost trust in your intuition, I am confident anyone can teach themselves how to distinguish between the two. So, be patient and kind to yourself as you embark on a journey to train yourself to tune in, listen, and trust your intuition. Learning to trust yourself with the utmost certainty will enable your intuition to guide you away from the wrong people and closer to the right people. The world is a beautiful place filled with bad people. Unfortunately, we can not control this. What we can control is how strong our defensive armor is against them!
Sincerely yours,
Amanda Marianna
