A few words on healing.
Even though I am in a healthy marriage, I am sometimes triggered by my past. I sometimes shudder and shake when disturbing memories of the past abuse creep into my mind. My breath becomes shallow, and I may shake. I have to close my eyes and remember that I’m safe.
I have been out of the abusive relationship for nearly 4 years, and I’m still healing. Last night I talked to a woman who has been out for 18 years, and she’s still healing. Healing is not a race against time. It takes time.
Healing is not a competition or a cause for comparison. My healing may not look like your healing, and yours may not look like mine.
What worked to heal me might not work to heal you. Healing requires a customized solution, not a one-size-fits-all fix.
Don’t let anyone rush you or tell you, “You should be over this by now.” Just like we don’t rush someone with a broken leg to walk or stand, we should not rush someone to heal.
Healing is a journey and not a final destination. Healing happens and unfolds with time. It is not immediately fixed or cured. There is no fast track to healing.
Even if you pray and have faith, healing may take time. Taking time to heal does not indicate a lack of faith.
If you survived something and someone tried to break you, it’s understandable that it will take time to heal from the experience. You survived a significant attack on your life, and you are here to talk about it. Give yourself some grace. You have lived through a lot.
Be patient with yourself in the process. Know that some days you will feel like Paula Abdul’s song, two steps forward and two steps back. On other days, you may run 10 steps ahead without looking back. There is no specific blueprint for how quickly or slowly you will heal. No matter the timing or pace, you are making progress as long as you heal.Â
