My story:
For as long as I can remember I felt I was born into abuse. My childhood was riddled with physical abuse. I was beaten and punished so many times I lost count. As the oldest child I took most of the punishment. I thought it was normal to be beaten physically the way I was. I did not even realize the harm that it was causing me. I became very lonely, had no self worth, low self esteem, I felt I was ugly, suicidal, etc… I felt deprived of love. I only got attention when something went wrong and I was about to get a beating. I did not even realize I had built a wall of protection and that anger was brewing inside of me. I did not even realize all this was happening to me. You think that the way you are growing up is normal. I came to the realization as I got older that the person who inflicted this in me was only giving the love she probably received. How can I expect her to give me a gallon of love when she probably had a ounce to give me. You can not pour into an empty cup when you yourself are empty.
Unfortunately it did not stop there was more abuse. I married young with high hopes and expectations. A few months later into my marriage I received my first beating from a man that was supposed to love me and take care of me. I felt I was born to be beaten and beaten, again and again….. I was like a bruised animal that wants to hide. The beatings went on….. I think one of my worst memories is when I became pregnant, I have 2 children and through both of my pregnancies I was beaten. I could not even understand this. How does a man that has a wife, while she is pregnant with his child beat her. I thought I was going to lose my babies. I did not…. They are both healthy and thriving. I thank God for shielding them while I was pregnant.
I have suffered through physical abuse, mental, emotional, infidelity, rejection, abandonment, etc.
I got out….. I planned it. I went back to school and studied business. I graduated valedictorian in my class. I interviewed for a job and my first interview, I got the job.
I am thankful that I am a survivor and I can live to tell my story. My children are both successful as well. I consider myself today a very blessed woman to have survived all those beatings and not to be disabled, or have some kind of mental disorder. I no longer hold any anger, resentment towards anyone. I have forgiven.
I hope you will use my story to give hope to any one who is suffering violence. There is hope and you can get out.
Vickie
