9/2018 ;
My favorite neice asked me a rather bold and in your face question. (She’s a lot like me)
“Why is it you have no problem sharing Brandi’s story but not your own?”
Well, at the moment I didn’t have an answer, but was thinking long and hard on this legit question.
By admitting that I was in a 4 year abusive marriage then somehow I had to admit I have been walking around with survivors guilt over my daughters death. She saw me abused during that marriage! Somehow deep within my shattered heart, I felt responsible. She saw the abuse but also saw her mother leave that abuse.
But then I was reminded of a scripture that says, There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. So really it has been the enemy who has kept me silenced. Because God just isn’t like that.
I have been a HYPOCRITE by encouraging others to share their stories and Break The Silence Against Domestic Violence, , all the while afraid to share my own. And for that I am truly sorry. I now realize why it is so hard to do just that.
Fear of Judgment. But fear also keeps us in bondage. So today I am breaking free and BREAKING THE SILENCE.
I Tammy Willett, was in a four year abusive marriage. The first year wasn’t so bad. He was just a stupid drunk! The second year the fights began but were only verbal. Usually when he was drunk. The second year is when all hell broke loose. He convinced me we needed to move to Florida for a new start on life. He had his family there.
So I packed up my two children (his step children) and we moved away from my family. Once we were there it didn’t take long for the abuse to escalate! He drank more and would get drunk and leave the kids and I at our apartment and he would be gone for days. We would have no or little food, no money, no checkbook or any vehicle. I was to afraid to ask the neighbors for help. I literally knew not one person to ask help from.. He thrived on the isolation. Even thought it was funny when he would come home to find I fed my kids whatever was in the cabinets and ate nothing myself. Then he started going thru my phone and asking who I was seeing. I seriously hardly left the house so how could I have been seeing anyone. It was ridiculous. I couldn’t even go to check the mail without him following me to see where I was going and what I was doing. He had to be the boss and in total control of everything. Then the beatings began. Hitting me in the back of the head to not leave marks. Slapping, pushing and pinching me. Even kicked me a few times just for shits and grins. Forcing me to have sex with him even though I said NO. he seemed to think since we were married it wasn’t rape. I lived like that for two more years. He ended up going to jail for choking me in public.
The last incident happened and he beat me pretty bad. I sat and the end of the bed and told him I would not be beaten again. He laughed at me and said good night B@!$%&. I waited until he was passed out and fought back. Something I am not real proud of. I took my own revenge and broke some bones in his leg with a baseball bat. I knew if he could get up he would kill me. After that his brother came to pick him up and take him away. I called a dear friend and they came to Florida to my rescue. I packed my kids up and came back to Texas where things were better. Because there was a police record of the assault the state of Florida gave me relocation funds which assisted me in starting over. A year later I divorced him and have never seen him again. I thank God I am a survivor! There are times I wish Brandi hadn’t seen the abuse but find comfort in she saw her mom pack up and leave.
8 years later when she found herself in an abusive relationship she had made the decision to leave and that is when her abuser took her life and then his own.. I would gladly go back and take her place. I feel guilty for making it out and my precious daughter didn’t. But I do NOT live in the land of regrets.
There is no time in my life for that now. So today I speak for myself and my daughter and will continue to BREAK THE SILENCE AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. I recently learned something…For every action there is a reaction. Our world would be a much greater place if before we did or said anything we took just a few minutes and asked ourselves how will this affect the world around me? So today I am breaking the silence in hopes that it will encourage others to do the same.
I DID IT
this is my action!! What reaction will this inspire in you today?
