By Survivor
| It was the day after my birthday that a realtionship that seemed to good to be true ended, i met the guy on facebook. Anytime he was suppose to take me on a date he never would. There a reason behind that u will learm toward the end. The day after my birthday when my realtionship ended Thats when my abuser came in and swept me off my feet. I was vulnerable, i fell into a trap. Everything was perfect i thought i met my prince charming, it wasnt until certain red flags happen but i chosed to ingore them. He was very possessive though at first he down played it. He didnt want me talking to guys i went with it cuz i didnt want to upset him. He would soon appear on the news of not reporting to his parole officer that the police was looking for him. He reassured me that he called his po and straightned everything out. He lied about that another red flag i ignored. It wasnt till he was arrested for child support that my nightmare started. He would plead me over the phone and in letters to not talk to other guys. I would put tons of money on his books to make sure he could talk to me and get commissary. He would treat me diffrent. If he thought i was talking to a guy or being unfaithful he would be short with me and act diffrent until i would apologize over stuff that never happen and beg him to go back to normal. My parents didnt know i was dating him till my mom followed me one day to the jail and she was furious. My realtionship with my family became strain i would have constant arugments with my mom and my ex would play on that emotion. I became dependent on him, i would turn to him he would manipulate me making me think he was the only person in my life that understood me. We have so many arguments over the phone, he was part of the worker crew at the jail. he would accuse me being out doing stuff, he would say i saw ur car driving from a house wat were u doing? No matter how much i cry and tell him i wasnt doing anything he never believed me. My hair dresser even had to step away when i was in a arugment with him over the phone bawling my eyes out, she was in another room crying for me. I was a shell of my former self. I was struggling with sleep, financial because i became his cash cow. If i didnt put money on his books he would guilt trip me. Soon he would be transfered to another jail for another warrant out of state, i manged to bond him out my mom was livid but i didnt care because i was finally with him. Things only got worse the verbal abuse became a almost everyday thing along with mental abuse. He would sit at the tables at my work watching me making sure i wasnt talking to any males though i had no choice cuz i had 2 male bosses. My coworkers were not comfortable with him sitting there watching they thought it was strange i didnt say anything about it. He would accuse me having sexual intercourse with both my bosses in the walk in we had that was awful i didnt know wat more to do to explain i wasnt. I couldnt do anything without him nip picking me for everything. If we were out in public i was to keep my head low i wasnt aloud to look at guys. If he thought i was he would get angry do u want me to get that guy number for u? Since u keep looking at him would be his response. There was a time that he wanted to try a new sexual position. I didnt want to but he pressured. That night he tried to rape me. I was bawling my eyes out pleading for him to not do it he didnt even prepare me for it he was gonna take me raw. Thank goodness for the next door neighbor who heard my cry, they saved me that day. I was so scared to leave him he threaten to hurt my family and my coworkers if i were to leave him so i had to stay because i was scared. Soon things got physical we were in a heated argument in the car he slam my wrist into my car arm rest. I was wailing never had he ever do that he kept apologizing and of course i forgave him. I felt it was my fault that it happened. Every argument we have i always took blame for it and it plzed him. Soon i began to rebel agaisnt him he didnt like it he would later on cheat on me getting another woman pregnant. After almost 5 years or abuse it finally ended. It was the day before christmas eve when finally i ended things. It was terrifying for the first time i was alone. I didnt care he was abusive i had someone in my life and i wanted that person to stay regardless. It wasnt until later on i put two and two together realizing that the realtionship i had before it ended the day after my birthday the guy was never real. It was my abuser the whole time playing me pulling me along to fall into.his web where he would have me so vulnerable that i would soon fall for him thinking he was my prince charming that came to save me. I am now married to an amazing man. I will never get closure for why my abuser did wat he did to me no one knew wat i went thru coworkers had suspicion my family doesnt even know wat i went thru and to this day they still dont. I may of escaped my abuser but his imprint still lingers on me. I have zero patience i have my guard up its so hard to have it down i get defensive easily i have anger issues something i never had till after things ended. Some days are better then some but at the end im a survivor not a victim but a surivor. I encourage to everyone if there red flags u see plz leave, leave the realtionship i lost almost 5 years of my life that i cant make up that i was in the lowest in my life. I lost the girl i once was and became someone stronger and also someone that learned bad habits from the realtionship. There is a light at the end of the tunnel in a abusive realtionship never give up be strong dont loose urself dont let someone tell u ur worth u are worthy dont let no one tell u other wise. I am glad i walked away that im still here alive, that im living the best life of my life |
