By Kelly Stratton
**Trigger Warning: The following is written by a survivor of domestic violence and abuse during pregnancy. Some descriptions and details may be too graphic for some.**
This is My Story of Survival
Before I got pregnant, he never laid a hand on me.
He was attentive, affectionate and said all the right things. After my divorce and a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable, he felt like a fresh start.
I already had two sons, and he seemed ready to step into that life with me. He gave me the attention I’d longed for, and I mistook it for love.
Ignoring the Red Flags
Looking back now, the red flags were there. The way he spoke about his ex-girlfriend and ex-fiancé always calling them “crazy,” always the victim in his own story. I felt uneasy, but I ignored it.
I wanted to believe his love bombing meant he truly cared. I was vulnerable and he saw that.
When I got pregnant, I hoped the pregnancy would bring us closer. I believed, naively, that becoming parents together would stabilize everything. Unfortunately, it didn’t.
“Instead, it was when the abuse began.”
It started with emotional control. Gaslighting. Cruel words masked as “concern.” When I was sick from the pregnancy, he called me lazy.
When I was scared, he called me dramatic. He chipped away at me until I barely recognized myself.
And then, one day, while I was pregnant, he put his hands around my neck.
During my pregnancy.
The First Time
That was the first time. I can still remember the moment in terrifying clarity. How fast it happened, how stunned I felt. I was carrying his child, and he was choking me.
I wish I had left then. But I didn’t.
The abuse continued, in waves throughout my pregnancy. Emotional, verbal, physical.
Unfortunately, I stayed, not because I didn’t want better, but because I didn’t believe I deserved better. Because I was scared.
Because trauma bonds are real.
And because I wanted to keep our family “whole.” All in all, he made me believe no one else would want a woman with children and scars.
“I lived like that for years.”
It took until my daughter was three years old and after multiple restraining orders, for me to finally feel brave enough to get out. To walk away from the chaos and fear.
To say, enough!
Not just for me, but for my kids.
Getting out wasn’t the end of the story. It was the beginning of a new one.
A harder one, at first, but also one full of healing. Freedom. Rebuilding. I’m no longer the woman who stayed. I’m the woman who survived. Who speaks. Who helps others find their way out of the dark.
Pregnancy Didn’t Stop the Abuse
If you’re reading this and you’re pregnant, or already a parent, and something doesn’t feel right, listen to your gut.
Abuse doesn’t always start with fists. Sometimes, it starts with flattery. With pressure. With fear disguised as love. Pregnancy won’t stop it.
If you’ve stayed longer than you “should have”, please hear this: You are not weak.You are not stupid.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
It can take years to leave.
It took me years.
That doesn’t make you any less brave. It just makes you human.You deserve peace. You deserve to parent without fear. You deserve to live without looking over your shoulder.
Because you are worthy of safety, of softness, of real love. Especially during pregnancy.
It’s not too late to begin again. I did and you can too.
Check These Resources:
- Therapeutic Interventions for Healing From Domestic Violence
- The Hidden Impact of Teen Dating Violence
- Find Support with BTSADV
Support Line
Other Resources and Information:
