By Anonymous Survivor
The Domestic Violence started February 10, 2024.
I was punched, slapped, strangled, thrown around, kicked, kneed, stomped on, or a combination of the tactics at least once a month until December 21, 2024.
The longest he went without physically hurting me was 5 weeks and 3 days during that entire 10 month period. I never defended myself. I never told anyone. I was 120lbs, 5’1” and he was 250lbs, 6’1” the last time he laid his hands on me.
He spent 2 nights in jail and has been out on bond since.
What Sets Him Off
One day, I tell him we need to start getting ready for a funeral we had planned to attend. We had to leave by 9am at THE LATEST.
8:30am rolls around, I am finishing getting myself and both kids ready. He is still only in underwear. He walks up as Im putting socks on one of the kids, and asks me If I know where something of his is, I frustratingly said “No baby I don’t” because I was already dealing with getting 3 people ready.
He was making no attempts to get himself ready. He says “I’m sorry I wasn’t trying to make you upset.”
I shake my head up & down, as a way of saying it’s fine but showing frustration still. He then says “This is the part where you respond to me.” I said “I shook my head yes, I’m sorry it’s fine”.
He Can’t Let It Go
He said “No you didn’t. I sat there and looked at you the whole time and you didn’t move your mouth or head at all.” I said “Okay baby I’m sorry” in an obviously terrified tone.
He said “I’m about to beat the fuck out of you if you just say that you’re sorry.”
I said “You’re right baby. I’m so sorry for ignoring you and then lying to you about it. I should understand that even if I did shake my head and meant it as a response. I shouldn’t assume you took it that way and should have recognized that you felt ignored. And it seemed as if I was trying to gas light you when you called me out about it.”
The Fury Continues
He keeps on about how I always make him threaten me before I will give a real apology. How I know it makes him mad when I show I am scared of him.
I apologized more and he scoffed out a thank you and walked away. I start finishing putting the kids shoes on, grab the baby to go get his shoes from the room, and he stops me as I come out of the bedroom.
He asks me to put the baby down, I say him “Please, no I don’t want to.” He grabs them from me and sits him in a chair next to us.
The Switch is Instant
He then apologizes for threatening me, and apologizes for not realizing how much fear he puts into me when we start arguing. Until I’ve gotten to the point where I am unable to think, speak, and/or move.
He’s tearing up. I tell him “Thank you, I love you” and he asks for a hug. I hug him. He starts crying HARD, apologizing more. I don’t respond, just continue hugging him trying to force myself into believing that I was safe even though everything in my body was telling me I wasn’t.
Within 10 seconds of me not verbally saying anything back to his apology. He shoves me off of him into a table and proceeds to scream, telling me that he just got mad at me for ignoring him.
So “Why the fuck would I ignore him when he’s sitting there trying to apologize”. He took back said apologies, saying he’s not sorry anymore because I obviously want him to act like that.
My Reaction was Inevitable
I am no longer calm. I am distraught. “Baby I was just absorbing everything you said. I’m so sorry, I should have told you that is what I was doing so you didn’t feel ignored by me. I’m so sorry I’m so, so, sorry.”
He continues to scream and showing signs of wanting to hurt me again. At this point all I’m focused on is getting the baby away from us so he doesn’t get hurt in the crossfire.
I’m not responding to him, I have a million thoughts going on all focused on getting me & the kids out ASAP.
He screams “I’m sitting here trying to fucking apologize and you can’t even force yourself to speak to me just because you’re in a bad mood?! Fuck you, you stupid bitch. I’m going to fucking kill you!”
All My Thoughts Are On the Baby
So I immediately grab the baby, put his feet on the ground, and push him towards the living room.
As soon as my hands leave him I get hit with an uppercut. I stand to look at him and he hits me in the face 2 more times. The baby is still just standing there.
I start pleading with him “Baby we need to get my child away from us okay please baby please just let me get him away from us first”. He agrees.
My Kids Are Safe, I am Not
I was apologizing and begging him to stop, telling him he was better than this and he was going to regret it like he always does. Trying to get him to realize the kids were also upset and asking him to stop.
He then went on a rant about how he wasn’t letting me leave because he wasn’t letting me call the cops on him again. I told him I didn’t even have my phone and that’s when he showed me that he had my phone.
I asked him to please not break my phone again because my parents just had to buy me a new one 2 months ago. He said he wasn’t going to break it, but he needs me to go the bedroom and find his phone so he can leave. After he beats the fuck out of me and he’ll leave my phone on the counter.
I told him I didn’t want to go to the bedroom, suggested he just use my phone to call his and find it. He said no and picked me up by my arm and started leading me to the bedroom.
I Try to Get Out of It
I started telling him he could just take my phone and leave. He wasn’t having any of that, so I then lied and told him there was no point in even going to the bedroom because his phone was in the living room.
And begged him to just let me show him because I knew this would be the time he finally killed me. If I went in that room. He was getting increasingly mad.
I’m processing everything and nothing all at once. “I will not be able to defend myself. I will not be able to escape with both my babies. What is my next best option?” were my main thoughts.
“I make a run for the living room door.”
Unfortunately it was locked and he was right behind me. He laughed at me, wrapped my hair into his hands, said “Today is the day you fucking die bitch! Get in the fucking room!”
The baby is screaming “Dada stop”. My eldest is crying, screaming, & begging him to stop. I am begging him to stop.
He drags me by the hair while telling me he is going to kill me. My oldest child stood up & started screaming at this point for him to stop and he told him “No, I’m killing your mom because she’s a piece of shit who doesn’t know how to communicate!”
I screamed “Its okay get back on the couch!” at my baby and then begged my partner to stop as he continued dragging me.
Trying Everything
I tried grabbing onto my kitchen counter and slipped, tried grabbing my fridge and didn’t get a good grip, and then finally grabbed the poles to a shelf in my kitchen.
He then started to strangle me. He kept screaming “Just go to the fucking room so I can fucking talk to you!” and I just kept begging him to stop.
Also, I kept apologizing and telling him how much I loved him and how this isn’t him and he is going to regret this so much. He strangles me harder so I cannot breathe or speak at all.
Everything Goes Wrong
I started feeling like I was going to lose consciousness. I was praying to God. Then, I tried my hardest and swung my body sideways since I was hanging onto a pole, and did it just enough so he lost his grip.
He immediately started feeding me hits straight to the face. I kept both hands gripping the shelf pole while begging him to stop. He was hitting me so hard in the face that my upper body went through the wall.
He beat me for roughly 5 minutes like this. He then hit my hands which made me let go of the poles, and at that point I started begging and pleading even harder as he shoved me into a corner and continued hitting me in the face.
He then stops, starts beating the shit out of our bedroom door and rips it off the hinges. He’s kicking & kneeing holes in the walls.
“I go to run but he sees me and shoves me into the corner again, I put my arm up to block my head/face.”
He grabbed my arm, straightened it out, and told me “You better eat these hits bitch or I swear to God i will break your shit!”. He let go and I put my arm down.
He then turns around and grabs a small body mirror and smashes it over me with the cardboard side facing me. He then just started smashing the mirror all onto the floor, dropped it, and went to hitting me again.
The Kids See Everything
I saw the baby walking up. I said “Baby please get the baby, the glass, please don’t let him get hurt please.” and he stops.
He picks him up and takes him to the living room, I follow behind him and stop at the pantry which has a door leading outside. I’m standing in the kitchen near the pantry room.
He is in the living room talking to the older baby saying very atrocious things to him about what he’s going to do to me.
Telling him that he’s not going to have a mom or dad anymore – reminding him it was all my fault. Poor baby offers him a hug. My husband shouts “No dude not right now get away from me.”
I tell the oldest to get back on the couch and stay out of it. A. Million. Thoughts. I run out the back door and hop the 6ft or so fence in the backyard. I scream for the kids to come outside.
Realize that’s not the safest option. So, I yell at my husband to come outside. He comes outside and starts saying/threatening horrible things while walking in & out of the house in an attempt to get me to come back inside and try to prevent his threats.
He then started calling his mom and sister from my phone, hanging up and calling back to continue his threats unheard.
“He said he wasn’t going to jail just because I wanted to ignore him and make him do this to me.”
He said he would kill me if I kept “his kids” from him. He hated on my body, talked shit, and bragged on himself. I mostly stayed silent, every once in a while I just told him I was sorry he had such a hard time dealing with his emotions and that I would be here when he got better.
This lasted for about 15 minutes before his sister, finally showed up. I ran from behind the house begging her to go get my babies so I can leave, face and clothes covered in blood.
She rolls her eyes at me and says “Where’s my brother?” in a smug tone.
I Just Need to Leave
I told her he was inside with my babies. She goes inside, I go to my truck under the carport to wait. The two of them come out, with my babies behind them.
They stand on my porch, I’m standing halfway on the driver side floorboard with the truck door open. She looks at me and says “Okay! Come get your kids!” in a taunting tone.
I say “Get your brother the fuck off of my property NOW!” He then runs towards me so I lock myself in the truck. He tries to open the passenger door, and I scream “Please just leave. Your sister is here, you can just leave!”
It’s Not About The Stuff
He screams at me that he’s just trying to get his stuff, I told him I will give him all of his stuff later but right now he needs to leave.
His Sister then decides to come yell at me through the driver window and tells me to unlock the doors and give him his stuff. I say “He is just trying to attack me you dumb bitch! He doesn’t have anything in here!”
She rolls her eyes at me, and asks him what he needs. He ignores her, says “I need my shit!” still focused on getting to me.
He then jumps in the back of the truck and rips out one of the back window panels that was patched up, and starts trying to get in, but he couldn’t fit.
I start begging the sister to call the cops before he kills me and she told me to shut up.
“He’s not trying to hurt me, he just wants his stuff.”
I told her she’s fucking delusional and there isn’t anything in here “What does he want and I’ll pass it out that back panel if that’s the case!”.
She turns to him and asks what he wants, and he jumps out the back of the truck and starts trying to beat out my driver window.
She now starts crying and jumping on his back, telling him to stop and hurry and get in the car before I call the cops and he goes to jail.
He listens and they get in the car. She goes to leave with him and I open the truck door so I can run and get the babies, as they are still standing on the porch.
“My truck keys are also still inside.”
I waited about 5 seconds after they pulled out the driveway and ran inside, grabbed the kids, grabbed my phone he left on the couch beside them, grabbed my truck keys, and then called 911. Sat there and waited for police and EMS to show up.
As I’m waiting and my husband is now at his sister’s house with her and his mom, he calls me 10 times and texts me off his mom’s phone, I don’t answer any.
I show the police where his sister’s house is. They arrest him. Jessica then texts me herself, angry her son has to face consequences.
He calls me crying from jail as I’m in the hospital to get my lip stitched back together, apologizing and saying he loves me. No contact and the acceptance of my reality started in that hospital room.
He Was Never Going to Change
Destan’s physical abuse stopped. His mental did not, and now he has little sidekicks. his family helped aid him in his mental abuse. They encourage it.
They called CPS on me at least 3 different times in just the first 2 weeks after I finally left him – claiming he was the biological father of my children, he caught me doing drugs with them, confronted me, and I attacked him then basically kidnapped them.
The first time they showed up on Christmas Eve with 3 cop SUVs. By the 3rd time they had enough evidence, cooperation, & reasoning to start flagging them as false calls.
This man and his family collectively pressed 6 charges on me – mostly full of lies.
They claimed I tried to run them over when she picked him up from my house.
They pressed false charges on my dad claiming he was “stalking their work place and driving by it daily”.
Court has been rescheduled FIVE times.
The legal system will never give me or my babies the justice we deserve, DV is rarely taken seriously especially when it’s the 1st offense on paper. But God sees all, hears all, knows all. His judgment is more powerful than any court. & Unlike accountability, you can’t run from God.
He continuously posts about me, my children, and the situation painting himself as the victim. He has done this for EIGHT months.
Trying to Move On
I do not associate with ANYONE who associates with him, I do not post about him, I do not ask about him, I do not engage with any of them.
In June, I had a moment of weakness and attempted to make contact to meet with his family for non-gentle reasons.
Besides that, I have not responded to any of their bait to trigger me & cling onto the “She’s crazy” factor to support his victim mentality.
I have proof for mostly everything I claim.
An album full of over 500 pictures.
He literally cannot prove a single thing he claims against me. I am not perfect. God knows about my mistakes and dirty laundry. Because one thing about it, I have always been proud to be me – regardless of who that was at the time.
I was damn near perfect to that man and I stand by that. I did no wrong by or to him. He will spend the rest of his life searching for the truly unconditional love I gave him and he will never find it.
Finding Family and Love Again
I will end this with saying that I love my people and my life so much.
I truly would not have been able to overcome this as amazingly & healthily as I have if it wasn’t for my friends and my two babies.
I want to give a huge shout out to the responding officers and the women working EMS that morning. The validation & support I got from them was so important to me, and I hope every DV Victim that finally comes forward gets someone like them.
Lastly, and most importantly, I also want to brag on my God so much. Y’all don’t understand how many nights and days I have spent having full on conversations with Him in my head.
The peace that comes with truly KNOWING Him is something unmatched. I know that He was there that day keeping me and my babies safe. & Everyday before that.
I know He has been beside me everyday after that.
Check These Resources:
- Therapeutic Interventions for Healing From Domestic Violence
- The Hidden Impact of Teen Dating Violence
- Find Support with BTSADV
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