By Anonymous Survivor
**The following is written by a survivor of domestic violence and abuse. Descriptions and details may be too graphic for some. Names have been changed to protect all involved.**
I grew up in a very abusive home as 1 of 8 children.
We were in and out of foster care. Two of my brothers ended up on the juvenile sex offender registry because they didn’t know how to describe what was happening in our home.
We had our eyelids pried open while sleeping and broken pencils put in to keep them open.
No Child Should Endure This
My genitals superglued. I had been sexually abused in one of the foster homes. My brothers had been hit twice with 2×4’s with nails in them.
Significant emotional abuse and lack of consent for medical procedures after adoption, one was life-altering. I was no longer able to have children. I am a survivor of all of that.
The Abused Continued into Teenage Years
I ended up being sexually assaulted in high school. My first five-year relationship turned into a nightmare.
I was being told I had to work full-time, attend school full-time, and take care of my boyfriend’s house because it’s what women do. They tend to the home and keep their significant other happy.
One night, I had started boiling water for spaghetti, and he held my black and white hamster over the pot of hot water, cracking a joke in his eyes about making hamster stew.
“I still have the scar from a knife wound on my leg from getting between him and his dog.”
My feet were bent over a metal bed frame, trying to block myself in the bedroom with his dog to prevent her from being injured or killed.
I had been arrested, from what I now know to be the DARVO tactic. He and his mom claimed I attacked him. I was finally able to get a protective order against him at which point a dueling order had been filed, where abuse and animal neglect were admitted during our hearing in the order that had been requested after mine.
I was granted access to get my belongings and animals.
Trying to Move On as a Survivor
Later on, I was informed by the police department that a complaint had been lodged claiming I stole property, and the prosecutor declined to prosecute because of the order, which was irrelevant anyway, since why would anyone else, a male included, want my intimate undergarments.
After being arrested, I had been sexually assaulted when I was sleeping on a friend’s couch. The individual jumped from the fire escape after law enforcement caught him. He admitted to sexually assaulting me.
“What’s the problem with it?”
He kept sending me friend requests on Facebook and other social media sites, which I always declined and blocked the profiles. I didn’t need to be a survivor of his stalking behavior.
I automatically jumped into another relationship that also turned into a nightmare. As I watched the individual abuse his cat in the most horrific ways possible. When he kicked me out, he tried to keep mine even though the court ordered her return because I had her adoption paperwork and microchip. Plus vet records in my name.
I was given his cat by the individual he had been living with after they got into a fight over why the court granted a judgment in my favor if he didn’t do anything wrong. He had left his cat and took off.
I was sexually assaulted when someone broke into my apartment, which wasn’t hard since the windows didn’t lock. He stole my laptop. I never got it back, even though law enforcement locked him up for the sexual assault.
“Then, I got into another relationship a year later.”
I didn’t see red flags. I knew he was on probation. Three days after he and I met, he asked when we were getting married.
We married almost a year and a half later. But during that year and a half, he had raging incidents where he would break objects, TV screens, and throw glass. Even as a survivor, I was still in this relationship.
I was afraid to tell his probation officer because I didn’t want things to get worse. He guilted me into giving up my Section 8 housing voucher, which I got under DV priority. The first round of infidelity was brought up about 4 months after we got married. Because he was coming due for a court-ordered polygraph and didn’t want to get caught in a lie.
Someone he knew set me up to be sexually assaulted while I was under the influence of meds and alcohol. Everyone claimed consent except me, the one who blacked out and awoke to him sending an intimate picture to the other individual.
I was self-medicating due to an undiagnosed illness, which was blamed on untreated mental health, even though I was physically ill.
“I watched him injure animals, cats, and dogs, took cats to the vet when he injured them, and threatened my first two cats if I didn’t take them in.”
One was an 8-month-old kitten that he had thrown at the wall.
Instead of being logical and saying maybe the kitten is sick, which is why it randomly became food aggressive, he threw it at the wall. Almost $800 later at the emergency vet, the kitten was euthanized.
Lots of bad checks written to prevent him from injuring my two cats, well over $2,000, and still not paid off yet. Lots of dead cats and kittens since 2019.
Some were dropped at vets’ offices, and some that were dropped had already decomposed. 4 cats were buried after suffering from what appeared to be poison. They went rigid, unable to walk, seizing, and drooling. Within minutes, they were dead.
One vet gave a statement to animal welfare about one of the cats dropped off deceased. He would grab dogs by the collar, throwing his weight on them, claiming it was to control them and make them listen, My body was slammed in a vehicle door, no apologies, just it was an accident.
More raging.
A Diagnosis for His Rage
Once a borderline personality diagnosis made, he tried to blame all of his behavior on that and me, of course.
Said I made him mad, which is why he destroyed electronics.
Then there was more infidelity, most recent just in 2024.
I got a protective order against him in 2024.
I started the divorce process. Once the individual he had an affair with had him arrested and couldn’t keep a straight story about what he allegedly did to her, along with her asking me to lie in court, I dismissed the protective order and withdrew the divorce. I knew what she was up to, and as hard as it was, I was unable to allow her to lie to get him in trouble.
I bailed him out against my better judgment, and in August, he threatened to set his clothes on fire in a camper, which we have been living in since becoming homeless.
The Trouble Follows This Survivor
In the spring of this year, the prosecutor discovered the truth that she was a liar, changing her story yet again to say that he gave her cancer. His charges dropped.
If he assaulted her, why was she stalking us in person by vehicle, blocking us down dead-end roads, taking pictures of me, and why do I have the 6 police reports filed for stalking?
All reports say the same thing: I report incidents, they call her to get her side, and only then does she claim she’s being stalked. Dispatch couldn’t believe she got papers on him to stalk him, “Wait let me get this straight. He allegedly assaulted her, she gets papers on him, yet she’s stalking him, but you are the only one filing reports on the incidents?”
I said yes its insane, I know, and I am sorry.
I Can’t Get OUT
Stalking didn’t stop in person; it carried over to cyberstalking and cyberbullying bring up mental health, alcohol issues, saying smells like cat urine, and so forth, twice.
Law enforcement and animal control showed up middle of this year after he kicked his dog.
The individual stalking him, who lies about him apparently, is making it hard to get help. The only way charges go through to prosecution is with video evidence. Date, time, all stamped.
So she has made it impossible to get help. I can’t be a survivor STILL in DV anymore!
My counselor has told me he doesn’t use the term narcissist lightly, but they both fit the definition to a T.
My health issues confirm that. Cancer, GERD, and Hypertension, migraines among other things.
Check These Resources:
- Therapeutic Interventions for Healing From Domestic Violence
- The Hidden Impact of Teen Dating Violence
- Find Support with BTSADV
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