By Survivor Jessica
**The following nightmare is written by a survivor of domestic violence and abuse. Descriptions and details may be too graphic for some. Names have been changed to protect all involved.**
My nightmare started in December 2015. I found out I was pregnant and after that the WHOLE truth came to light.
Meeting and It Begins
I met him in July 2014.
He said he was living with his uncle. His uncle helped him come to America and start his immigration process.
Before I became pregnant he’d put me down. Called me names.
And he was good at it, I didn’t realize the control yet. I just tried to do as he wanted to make him happy.
After I told him I was pregnant it changed. He’d show up and want sex. He demand I have Bacardi, or Corona on hand for him. If I didn’t I had to go get it. And he would text what to cook him.
If said no he’d get angry and then proceed to make me do as he said. After each visit I had to buy plan B. I couldn’t get pregnant again.
It All Became So Confusing
The nightmare continued, he opened up saying he was married and she’s the 1 that brought him here on visa. He was going through citizenship process and wanted me to have an abortion. I said no. He would call yelling and telling me I’m scaring him. I’m being selfish.
He could be sent back if this comes out. Then he said he’s going to go to jail because I refused to have an abortion. He would show up and demand sex and then leave.
At times he demanded money, saying his wife took his bank card. Sometimes he wanted to send money over to his family in Africa. He would blow my phone up texting and calling. Screaming at me to do it.
Get the money and send it.
The Nightmare Goes Off the Rails
Then he wanted a picture of the receipt. No matter what i had to stop and do it. If i didnt I’d pay for it. He would say its his right to have sex with me. He’s allowed to water the seed.
It happened so many times. I was scared if I stopped him he’d actually kill me and himself. He threatened taking his life multiple times.
After I had my child, he’d make me have sex while I held my child on the bed. His wife found out finally. Then began the harassment from her.
I couldn’t tell her I didn’t know. He was going by a different name when I met him. So I had to not only endure his ridicule but I had to deal with her. What a nightmare.
I didn’t know what to do. All in all, I felt ashamed, sad, angry, all these and more. I couldn’t sleep. Scared when he would decide to show up.
Couldn’t Escape
He would call or text demanding I tell my dad to watch my child, so I could go meet him where he was working and give him head.
He would randomly send pornography and tell me to watch it.
That he was going to do that to me.
He would text in middle of the night, sending videos of him masturbating. If I didn’t answer any call fast enough, my phone wouldn’t stop.
Also, he would be texting horrible things. Asking what guy is at my house. That I better answer him.
I was worried about my son who lived with me. At the time he was 16. He would be treated disrespectfully.
“In 2017 I became pregnant again.”
On July 8th 2017 he showed up unannounced at 6am as per usual. He again demanded sex.
This time I stood up and adamantly said, “NO!” He grabbed me pushed me onto bed face down. I cried and said please no.
My child sleeping in her crib. I decided to just take it. I didn’t want her waking up to it. And I had to have an abortion on August 16th, on my daughter’s 2nd birthday.
I told him to come.
I thought if he saw what I’m going through he’d stop abusing me.
At the clinic, he said he forgot his license. He didn’t want his name on record. Security guard let him in anyway.
He only brought $100. Meaning I had to pay for the rest of the bill.
He kept texting, “Saying you look sexy when you’re angry.”
“I cried and cried.”
Not only did I have to make such a decision, it was even more etched in that it was on her birthday! In March 2018 he showed up.
Again early morning, pushed me face down again. I pushed back.
I even pushed him against the wall. Saying no over and over. I waited a few days because I had family stuff.
I took the pill too late.
Again, pregnant. I was totally mortified. I again had to get an abortion.
This time I didn’t say anything. I was done. I cracked wide open. All in all, I needed to stop him. I needed to protect my family. And I confided in my son.
I Finally Asked for Help
I told him I needed help to escape my nightmare. Said please stop him. Next visit my son was ready.
Confronted him. He told him he came to early and he needed to wait until I wake up. Then he got very angry.
He ended up leaving after 20 minutes. He didn’t try to come back.
In December 2019 he texted saying he was free. That he completed immigration process. He told me to watch my weight. That I was going to have another baby for him. And it would be a boy.
In February 2020 I filed for custody. I thought all this evidence I documented would be enough to get us protection.
Protection from the Nightmare Made it Worse
Instead a new hell started. The family court system.
They didn’t stop him from verbally abusing me through texts. Not only that, but the courts abused us and judges said so many unprofessional things.
Post separation abuse was just as bad. He could do anything he wanted. And the courts just gave him more power.
And with them involved, I couldn’t protect my child from the nightmare either.
My story isn’t over. I still having many years ahead to have to be subjected to dealing with my abuser. My child is going to be 10.
And she still has 8 more years of verbal and emotional abuse, and yes there have been several reports called into the authorities. Judge said, “You know the way you talk to the mother, I see some validity in her accusations. I don’t want to be in your lives. You both need to work together.”
That’s it!!??
Now this is where we are at. My voice wasnt heard at all, but she should definitely have a say. It took courage to say what’s happening to her.
But she was silenced! In the best interest of the child? So here we are, the fight for freedom still goes on. I’m not giving up!
I will stay strong, even though I’m broken from this absolute nightmare! I will not be silent any more. We all must break the silence, I must tell this story!
Check These Resources:
- Therapeutic Interventions for Healing From Domestic Violence
- The Hidden Impact of Teen Dating Violence
- Find Support with BTSADV
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