My Story – Christina

My domestic violence story started in 2012. I met this guy who was so nice and intriguing very different from the relationship I had left. We started dating in 2012. He showered me with love gifts and so much more. He really swept me off of my feet. 2012 felt like th longest year ever. Within the year maybe 4 months into dating he cheated on me I didn’t leave instead I cheated back. So then we created a trauma bond. After my get back everything got worse. He first put his hand on me dragging my by my hair from his car during an argument all the way to his apartment. Next morning he apologized with roses. I left and asked my mother if i could stay with her until I figured out what I wanted to do. In just a short week he convinced me to come back. Everything was fine until we moved into our bigger home. I was abused every other day in that home. Once he punched me with full force on my back I lost my complete breathe for what feels like forever. I fell over and he just left like it was nothing but I still stood. I knew that I could have just left but my mind and heart would not let me I was “stuck” in a very terrible mindset. He than cheated on me again and I still stood and after th second time it got got worst he split my head on several occasions and always left and came back with roses and apologies. I knew than I was mentally going through something I could not get myself out of at all. I than fell pregnant in 2013 with my first daughter I had already two boys from my previous marriage. Everything became worst terribly worse. He lost his union job and we than had to move in with his mother. It was the worst pregnancy of my life as I was dealing with hyperemesis gravidarum as well. We lived downstairs in his mother’s furnished basement. One day we got into a huge argument his mother was at work he than hit me while I was pregnant I called the cops on him and his mother’s returns she told me tell them nothing happened or I will have nothing so I did. When they left she got into my face screaming saying I am lucky I am pregnant and not to ever call the cops to her home I told her he hit me she said she didn’t care that is her home and I’m living under it so don’t do it again. As I had a very toxic relationship with my mother I felt like I had nowhere to go. My depression hit harder than ever and I was living in his mother’s basement pregnant without my son’s whom were safely with their father I felt like nothing and non existent and not wanting to live anymore. I had a home nurse who would come take care of me during my terrible hyperemesis gravidarum. She noticed something wasn’t right. She secretly told me if I ever needed anything to call her and asked me everytime she came did I need help. I always replied no. In 2014 we finally got out of her home I had my daughter 3weeks after moving into our new home. 1 day after I got home from labor and delivery with my daughter he had turned into a crazy person he started arguing with me for small things I told him to please leave not with our baby please and he turned it on me saying why am I trying to make him into a bad person I cried and pleaded for him to leave and than he raged and hit me I grabbed my daughter and ran as far as a I could to a neighbors house to call the police they immediately arrested him and he was sentenced to 3 months. I was left with my kids alone with nothing so I got up and did what I could worked and begged my sister to babysit while I worked so I could keep this roof over our heads. I had no help from family or anyone whatsoever besides my sister. And than he started writing his letters made him sound so good almost like the man I first met and I was intrigued with. And then I started to accept his phone calls from jail. He gave me a story that I believed and I couldn’t wait until he got back. 3 months later he returns home from jail. He was happy he was nice he loved me and his daughter different 2 weeks after he returned home we eloped and got married. It was beautiful to me I felt like God changed him for me to the man I longed for. He moved us out of the small apartment we were in into a bigger home. Everything was beautiful until he cheated again 2 months being into our newer home. I went back into a depression but I had my kids so I did my best to be the best mother I could be at that time in my life and I know looking back it was the absolute worst for them. He abused me so bad in this home. My boys would scream to get him off of me on many occasions on one occasion he broke glass on me and it scattered almost hitting my babygirl. I went into several unconscious moments having to be rushed to the emergency for stitches staples and more. I allowed this to all happen and I didn’t even know why. I would ask myself to please just leave far away with my kids but I couldn’t it was like I was under a curse. I gave my boys back to his father as I knew in my heart it was the best thing for them I was stuck in something I could not get out I had my daughter with no help no family to really rely on. He left again for 3 months. I was financially doing horrible I turned to drinking heavily and dancing for cash. I went into a deep dark hole and felt lost. My father moved in with me for 2 months to help me as he was amazing with my kids always but I had to kick him out due to him relapsing and using again he also stole my kids Xbox gaming system in the process so I was back to square one of not having anyone. I could work only on days I had a legit babysitter a relative recommended she was amazing with my girl until I found out she had been stealing from my home as well. I felt so lost and then he came back as I was in the process of getting evicted. We lived in with his friend in his basement as he promised was for a short time I got a job at boost mobile as management and worked day and night to save up. He started again to beat me for no reason at all because he was miserable. Until one night January 5th he went into a rage and beat me while my daughter screamed and watch and then did the unthinkable he started choking me the look in his eyes were evil I never seen anything like it I knew he was going to kill me as I pleaded for life trying to speak but barely couldn’t because of the grip he had all I could see is my kids faces tears rolling down my eyes in my head this is it I looked over to my daughter as she sat there not knowing but crying for mommy until I went. I passed out to no air he got up off me. I could hear him frantically pacing back and forth and I woke up he looked at me and left. I called the police and reported instantly. He almost killed me and he took off out of state. I knew than that was it I felt whatever was keeping me from him leave my entire body and soul. I had the worst case of battered toxic women syndrome ever. I was trauma bonded with this man for support. But ended there. It still was the hardest breakup ever I cried screaming at night I needed so much help to let go of what took over my entire identity. I lost who I was and I knew that no matter what I could never be Christina again. I knew my kids would never be the same. It was something I allowed but couldn’t stop. I can say today I am a new woman thriving happy married to a great man but my past will forever haunt me in my dreams. The first time a man hits you no matter what you are thinking LEAVE!