The torture I endured at the hands of my ex-husband can be incomprehensible to some. He didn’t look like an abuser. He didn’t act like an abuse in front of most people. Very few people got a small glimpse at the abuse. Nobody noticed the chunk of missing hair, because I parted my hair to hide it. Everyone just noticed my new hair style and thought it was cute. Nobody seen the bruises under the long sleeves and leggings, they just accepted the answer of I’m always cold. When I weighed only 98 pounds at 29-30 years old standing at 5’5, everyone said how great I looked. No one questioned the black eye in my passport photo. The doctors didn’t question if I really fell down the stairs for a 3rd time. Nobody knew that I barely slept and most times when I did, I slept on the couch so he wouldn’t rape me as often. Nobody asked why when I didn’t leave my house for days when I was in too much pain or the bruising was too hard to hide. I learned how to wrap my own ribs to avoid another trip to the doctor’s office or the emergency room. I posted all the beautiful flower on social media, I boasted about the gifts he brought me. I never told anyone they were his way of apologizing for another beating or another night he raped me.
I was ashamed. I was to afraid to ask for help. I believed him when he said he would make me disappear, especially after he drove me by a hog farm and explained in graphic detail how he would get away with it. I was only given an allowance to buy groceries and household necessities, I had to give him every receipt. I didn’t have access to money to escape. He used the children as weapons. He said that if I did leave him alive, I’d never see my kids again. I believed him. One day it got so bad I didn’t have a choice but to call 911. That day saved my life. He was arrested and put into confinement (military). The advocates that I had were nothing short of amazing, they inspired me to become an advocate too. It wasn’t easy, but minute by minute, then day by day I survived. Now I am 5 years free from my ex husband, and we will never be in contact again. He has no rights to my children now. I still have flashbacks. I still have nightmares. By day by day, month by month it’s still getting easier. Next week I am getting married to an absolutely amazing man. He brings so much love and laughter into my life, my children’s lives. Life is so beautiful now. By Survivor Amanda
Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence: Is It Learned or Taught?
Is it learned or is it taught? My story starts with enduring domestic violence with my children’s father. I was too scared to leave and too dependent on him to risk going and creating a life on my own with three kids. I stayed for the fact that I wanted...
