My Story: Verbal Abuse Lead to Sexual Assault

I had been in a narcissistic, verbally abusive relationship last year. He would constantly say very negative, derogatory things about my body weight stating that I needed to “eat more” and that “my hip bones were poking out too much.” I remember very clearly one time we were about to get in the shower, I had told him I was feeling good about my body today and that I believed I was gaining weight. His first thought was to tell me, “Eh, you could still gain more. You still look like just skin and bones.”Being constantly tore down by someone I believed had loved me ruined my mental stability and caused me to actually believe what he was saying.

Over the course of us dating, I had started picking up little ques that made me believe he was cheating on me. I decided one day, even though I usually don’t do this, that I was going to go through his phone. I went through it and I found he actually had cheated on me with two girls, and I was very very hurt. I went off on him, and had asked him how could he do this to me when I was nothing but loving to him. He didn’t say anything, it’s like he had lost the process of speaking but whenever we would argue, he knew that him comforting me by holding me and telling me sweet little lies would change my mind which would lead to me apologizing to him even though I didn’t do anything wrong actually worked. This time, it didn’t though and I stood my ground.

I was so mad, he would try kissing me and I would push him away or would turn my head. Well, he got so mad that I wouldn’t let him kiss me that he ended up holding me down and had his way with me. He didn’t stop, even when I started crying. Then whenever he finished, he just held me and said that everything was going to be just fine and told me his sweet little lies again. I got up to go take a shower, and then he fell asleep. I left after he fell asleep, worried that he would make me stay. I didn’t end things with him until a week later, which whenever I did, he texted me this huge paragraph saying that I was making a mistake and that no one would love me like he did. He also said that this was all my fault, and maybe if I didn’t annoy him as much, he wouldn’t have cheated on me.