By Survivor Stephanie
For the past six years, I have been living a nightmare. The system knew and did nothing.
I now tell this story not only for myself, but for every woman who has survived intimate partner violence. For the other women who bravely testified in court against my ex-husband, and for my disabled, nonverbal son.
Whose life remains in danger because the legal system continues to protect his abuser instead of shutting the door once and for all.
My ex is currently serving a five-year prison sentence for felony strangulation.
He strangled me while I was six months pregnant with my son.
But his violence did not begin with me, and it did not end with incarceration.
What Keeps Falling Through the Cracks
I am the sixth person to obtain a protection order against him.
He currently has four permanent protection orders issued by four different individuals, including women and his eldest son. At my final orders hearing on April 21, 2025, two other women, his ex-wife and ex-fiancé, testified under oath to the same horrors.
Brutal beatings, rape, suffocation, strangulation, stalking, animal cruelty, death threats, and coercive control. His oldest son also testified under oath to child abuse and neglect, and to witnessing his father beat his mother. As well as multiple other women after her.
The Courts Are Failing
The court-appointed expert, Dr. Pelc, testified unequivocally that all parenting time should remain solely with me.
Unless and until, if ever, my ex-husband demonstrates sustained and meaningful rehabilitation outside of incarceration, emphasizing that such progress had not occurred and may never occur.
I have five active protection orders against him, including four mandatory protection orders and one permanent 500-yard order due to repeated violations. Even behind bars, he has continued to threaten my life during recorded prison calls.
Resulting in a new conviction, yet he was still granted more “good time” credit than the sentence itself.
The Story
I met my ex in 2019. By early 2021, the abuse had escalated to near-deadly levels.
He strangled me unconscious twice in one night. He would use his hands or wrap sweatshirt strings around my neck, leaving visible burns. The moment he found out I was pregnant; he returned with empty promises of therapy and change.
But the violence escalated.
The more visibly pregnant I became, the more lethal the abuse became.
Throughout my pregnancy, I endured strangulation, suffocation, beatings, and his repeated hospitalizations for suicidal ideation and severe psychiatric illness.
He was diagnosed with PTSD, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and alcoholism. Yet he refused to complete treatment.
When I was six months pregnant, after another violent episode, he was finally arrested. That arrest led to the first of four mandatory protection orders. Dillon was born in November 2021.
Treats Continue
In March 2022, my ex began additional threats to kill me again, this time from a psychiatric hospital. He was arrested multiple times following these threats and ultimately sentenced a five-year DOC sentence.
Even from prison, he has continued his campaign of control and harassment but this time through his attorney. The courts have been used as weapons against me.
At first, my ex refused to help enroll our son for insurance, leaving him uninsured for some time resulting in thousands of medical bills due to my son’s severe skin condition.
Then, when his speech therapist attempted to obtain an AAC device, a medically necessary communication tool, his attorney responded by saying she was “blocking” me.
“The claim was terminated.”
My ex and his attorney endlessly denied my son’s diagnoses outright, and accused me of fabricating my son’s health issues, even in the face of evaluations and diagnoses by his PCM, neuro child psychologist, his speech, P/T, O/T therapists, and a court-appointed PRE expert.
The court doctor explicitly recommended that all parenting time be vested in me unless and until my ex demonstrates rehabilitation outside of incarceration.
Doctor had stated my ex had not accepted responsibility for his actions and continued to minimize the very abuse that sent him to prison. The prison counselor failed to respond to his inquiry about any rehabilitation programs my ex was attending, further validating the concern that no meaningful change had occurred.
They administered the ODARA risk assessment, which placed my ex in the highest risk category for reoffending, with a 53 percent likelihood of future domestic violence.
He testified that reunification therapy was not safe or appropriate. He said that co-parenting was not feasible and that it would be psychologically unsafe for me if my ex even knew my location.
“And yet, even knowing this, the family court refused to fully restrict my ex’s parenting rights.”
On April 21, 2025, multiple women testified about rape, strangulation and physical abuse at the hands of my ex. Including me, his former partners, and his eldest son. Despite this, the court granted him limited supervised video contact with my child. Even though the court-appointed parental responsibility evaluator, advised against any contact at all.
Despite this, the court still allowed video contact with my son, a nonverbal, disabled child who has no relationship with my ex and cannot understand, or report harm. This man, my ex has been in and out of mental hospitals and jail since my baby was four months old and has been incarcerated in the Department of Corrections since he was nearly ten months old.
My Child Is Everything
My child has also been diagnosed with an Unspecified Neurodevelopmental Disorder, indicating a possible degenerative or genetic condition. It is not a placeholder. It reflects that something is deeply wrong and not yet fully understood.
His adaptive functioning also tested in the first percentile. He cannot protect himself. He cannot communicate danger. My child cannot self-advocate. He requires constant supervision and highly specialized care to survive.
“This is not just the failure of one man.”
This is the failure of a legal system that prioritizes the rights of a violent offender over the safety of a disabled child. A system that allows a man with a 25-year pattern of abuse to use his attorney as an extension of his control and abuse.
A system that ignored expert reports, credible testimony, and even criminal convictions.
And a system that has failed to protect the vulnerable.
I have begged for protection. I have begged for help. And I have been accused of lying, harassed in court, and forced to represent myself now because I am over $100,000 in legal fees just trying to keep my child safe. And I never asked for child support.
I never asked for financial help or any assistance with my son’s $1200/month therapies copays. I only asked for safety. All I did was ask for my son’s care to be respected.
What I Endured
What I have endured is not “high conflict.” It is a prime example of what survivors of abuse face in family and juvenile courts. It is financial ruin. And it is legal warfare.
It is forced co-parenting with a man who once tried to strangle the life out of me and now watches from behind a screen while my son struggles to say a single word.
I am a survivor. But I am also a mother. And I am the only person standing between my disabled child and the man who hurt us both.
This is not about bitterness or revenge. This is about safety. But this is about life or death. I am speaking now because staying silent has only ever shielded him from accountability.
Everything I’ve stated here can be supported by court records, evaluations, sworn testimony, criminal convictions, photographs, transcripts, and medical documentation.
I will not be silent anymore.
My son deserves better.
So do all the others who were not believed.
Check These Resources:
- Therapeutic Interventions for Healing From Domestic Violence
- The Hidden Impact of Teen Dating Violence
- Find Support with BTSADV
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